Kagome's New Car
by Alex Derus
Summary: Kagome had gotten a cool sports car for her birthday, when an earthquake shifts the well to accommodate the vehicle. How will InuYasha and the others take to this latest artifact?
1. A Birthday to Remember

The sun was rising in the east in modern Tokyo. Kagome had set her alarm clock so she could wake up in time for her morning birthday celebration. Her alarm went off, and she silenced the clock and awoke with excitement. "Today is the day" she said. She hurried to the kitchen.

She was surprised with the extent of the decorations that had gone up overnight. Her family was waiting for her with her presents at the ready. "Happy Birthday, Kagome" Sota said. With that he handed his sister a present: a portable CD player. Her mother and grandfather inform her that they went in on a special gift together. Grandpa handed her a small box saying "I know that you will like this gift." Kagome shook the box, hearing something small and loose inside. "I guess it's a very expensive bracelet" she said as she undid the wrapping paper. Once inside, she finds a set of keys. "What exactly do these keys go to?" Kagome asked. Mama replied "well, I'll give you a clue: it's parked in front of the house waiting for you."

Kagome then headed outside with the rest of the family following her out. She couldn't believe her eyes: her gift was a brand-new car with a retractable hardtop. "This is _wonderful_!" she shouted. She got in and took a look at the many features of her new convertible car. "Thanks, Mama, and you, too, grandpa" she said.

At that moment, the earth started to tremble. "Grab hold of something, it's an earthquake!" Sota shouted. With that, Kagome, Sota, Mama and Grandpa held onto a light pole.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Feudal era, a similar earthquake was occurring. "What's happening?" Shippo asked. Miroku said "an earthquake. QUICK, GRAB ON!" With that, He held onto a large tree trunk while Shippo grabbed onto Miroku's leg.

Back in modern times, the well was starting to buckle as a result of the tremors. The well itself tilted to one side at an angle, and its opening widened dramatically. A similar thing was happening to the same well in the Feudal era, except it leaned the opposite way. Soon, the tremors were over. Damage was very minimal elsewhere in both eras despite the exceptionally large tremors. Kagome looked at her car and found it still sitting there undamaged. "I'm going out" Kagome said. As she was packing up, she looked at the well and got an idea.

Mama said "well, make sure you take enough food with you now." After a while, Kagome had packed up the essentials, retracted the hard roof, put her items into the trunk, and got into her car. Grandpa asked "you're taking this thing out for a spin?" Kagome replied "it'll be more than a spin."

Kagome found the well opening had enlarged enough to admit the car, and the slope of the well was sufficient to drive down. The well now looked like an immense cavern. She switched on the headlights, unaware that the car was changing in a subtle way.

* * *

Back in the Feudal era, Miroku and Shippo had arrived at the well. "I hope Kagome can still return here" said Shippo. Miroku said "I think she ought to. Sure, the angle may be a little awkward, and the opening of the well looks like a cavern." They then heard an unusual roaring noise coming from the well's opening. The continuous duration of the sound ruled out the possibility of it being a demon. "What's that noise?" Miroku asked. Just then, two lights appeared inside and appeared to be growing larger and larger. The sound was growing louder and louder as well. "I think something is coming out!" Shippo yelled. They both went to the side of the opening. A moment later, an unusual metal object emerged from the well opening. The object was red in color and had what Shippo figured were wheels of some kind. They looked further up and found Kagome waving to them. "Hi, Shippo" she said.

Miroku asked "Kogome, what is that thing you are in?" Kagome turned off the engine saying "this is my new means of transportation. Known as an automobile or, simply, a car. I am now able to travel across land much quicker than anyone can run." Miroku said "impressive." InuYasha now sprinted into view. "Whatever that noise was, I'm going to find out" he said, reaching for the tetsusaiga. Kagome rolled her eyes and casually said "sit, boy." Upon slamming face-first into the ground, InuYasha groaned in pain and said "well, hello to you, too, Kagome."

After helping InuYasha up, Kagome got back into her car saying "behold my latest artifact." InuYasha, recognizing the vehicle from his past visits into the modern world, replied "wow. Nice set of wheels." Kagome then sensed something quite nearby. She started the car and noticed that the gas gauge, which had previously been at ¼ a tank, was rising up to "full" on its own. "I have never seen these things do _this_ before" she said. She looked under the car and figured out why the car was somehow generating more gasoline for itself: the fuel tank now appeared to be fabricated of the same material as the sacred jewel. "I am going to love _this_" she thought.


	2. Mesmerized by Metal

Suddenly, a loud roar of a wild cat was heard overhead. Kirara immediately landed nearby. Sango got off of Kirara saying "hi, guys." She sees the car and says "What on earth is this, a demon? I have to take care of it!" She whips out the hiraikotsu, and is about to throw it. Kagome jumps up and yells "hold it! That's not a demon!" Kagome's timing was, unfortunately a little off, as the hiraikotsu was already off and spinning. "What?" Sango asked. Fortunately, the hiraikotsu, not sensing a threatening demon at all, simply misses the car and hits Miroku in the side. "OW! DO _I_ LOOK LIKE A DEMON?" he yelled. Sango says "sorry, pervy monk." Miroku replied "Thanks a lot, Sango."

Shippo says "this is a rather nice artifact that Kagome brought back from the future." He then is holding up a strange-looking silvered disc with a hole in the center. "I wonder what _this_ does" he said. Kagome said "that's a compact disc, or CD, Shippo. Stick it silver-side-down into the narrow slot in front of you." Shippo stuck the CD into the slot, and the CD went in. After a second or so, traditional Japanese music is heard playing through the speakers. Miroku said "Kagome, that thing is very intriguing. Who would've thought that it only took a silver disc to play my favorite piece of music?"

* * *

Later, in the village, Lady Kaede emerged from her earthquake shelter. She went out to see what happened to the well. Upon her arrival, everyone else was gone. Upon seeing the now nearly horizontal well, she said "my goodness, Kagome may not be able to return." Right then, she heard the roar of Kirara. The big kitty landed in front of Lady Kaede and the priestess asked "Did Kagome return to this place?" Sango replied "Yes she did and she brought a most unusual artifact." "Wow, what kind of most unusual artifact?" Kaede asked. Sango replies "she calls it a 'car' or an 'automobile'. Easily mistakable for a demon here, but Miroku seemed to be obsessed with a feature of this thing that Kagome calls 'heated seats'. Shippo was amazed by its size, and InuYasha loved this feature Kagome calls 'cup holders'." "How did you like this strange artifact, Sango" Kaede asked. Sango replied "this artifact was able to play music without instruments. Kirara enjoyed the lotus-scented tree-shaped…dangle thing. Kagome called it an 'air freshener'. Kirara was batting it back and forth."

Then, Kaede heard something approaching in the distance. She said "if that's a demon, it won't be able to get through my paper talisman barrier." Sango, now seeing what was approaching, replied "it's just Kagome." In the car, Kagome saw the barrier and said "duck, InuYasha!" InuYasha asks "where?" Kagome replies "I'll rephrase that. Sit!" Upon slamming face-first into the dashboard, the car hits the barrier, tearing through it as if it were aluminum foil. "Thanks, Kagome" InuYasha said, seeing an anti-demon parchment miss him by inches.

Kagome pulls up to a stunned Lady Kaede. "Had it not been for the barrier not reacting, I'd have thought this artifact as a demon" Kaede said. Kagome said "I'll use this thing as a means of transport. I'm able to outpace Kirara." InuYasha said "these heated seats are very comfortable." Miroku replies "the heat tends to relaxe muscle pains. Kirara, get off that thing." With that, Miroku pulls out an origami crane and tosses it to Kirara, who turns her attention to it.

* * *

As everyone laughed at the cuteness, Kagome sensed something. "I sense the presence of the sacred jewel" she said. InuYasha said "well, let's go!" They then see a mini-tornado was approaching. Kagome ducked back into her car. Then, Koga appeared out of that mini-twister. "What do _you_ want!" InuYasha yelled. Koga replied "that is not of your concern, mutt." InuYasha screamed "if it concerns Kagome, it's of my concern as well, mangy wolf!"


	3. Strange Music

Then, a shrill sound pierced the unending silence. The shrill screech then became interleaved with the sound of some strange drums. Koga said "what's that infernal noise?" Kagome, meanwhile, began singing with it "cat scratch fever..." Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kaede were not nearly as able to handle the heavy metal music either. As Kirara ducked back into Sango's hair, Sango asked "what _is_ that?" InuYasha's reply to Sango, since he didn't hear her question, was "cat scratch feverrrr…" As InuYasha used the tetsusaiga as a mime guitar, Kagome is sent into laughter at InuYasha's tetsusaiga guitar. "Maybe I could see if he's truly listening" she thought. As the mock guitar riff continued, the sound was suddenly silenced, yet InuYasha kept singing. "Cat scratch fever! Cat scratch--." With that, he looked around asking "what happened to the music?" Shippo, with a surprised look on his face, asked "Music? _Music_?" Sango said "you called that noise music?" Miroku shakes his head saying "whoever was doing that needs a lesson or two…thousand." InuYasha replies "it's music from Kagome's home time. I, too, was caught off guard on my first encounter. You'll eventually get used to it." "I'll _never_ get used to _that_ kind of future music" Shippo replied. Koga simply uncovered his ears asking "is it over?" Kagome says "yes, it is."

Koga looked over the car, asking "what is this strange thing you're in?" Kagome replied "It's called a car or automobile." Koga said "wow, it seems there's room for another in there." InuYasha yelled "don't you _dare_ touch that leather, mangy wolf!" Koga replies "I'll touch it if I want to, mangy mutt!" Kagome simply presses and holds a button. They both then heard a strange whirring noise. "Looks like you're not going to touch the leather after all" InuYasha said. Shippo said "look, Kagome had the car unfurl a kind of shielding." Miroku then said "look, glass panels are coming up to meet that hidden shield." Sure enough, Kagome had extended the roof and closed the windows.

Koga yelled "Kagome, put that shield away!" Kagome merely mouths something, putting a hand next to her ear. Koga said "okay, I'll take you on, mangy mutt." InuYasha replied "bring it on, mangy wolf." He extended the tetsusaiga. Koga was about to make a move when he was startled by Kagome's laying on the horn. He jumped and landed on the hood of the car. "WHO DID THAT?" Koga yelled. Kagome then opened the door, stepped out, and said "I did that, Koga." "Kagome, I thought you couldn't hear a thing through that" InuYasha said. Kagome simply went "SHHHHHH!" Shippo said "we didn't do anything." Kagome replied "sit, boy." Upon crashing face-first into the ground, InuYasha said "what was _that_ about?" "Nice of you to give that whole thing away, mangy mutt." InuYasha said "not a chance, mangy--." "Enough" Miroku said. He then began smacking Koga on the head with his staff. Kagome and InuYasha were merely doubled over in laughter. "Nice one, pervy monk; that's what you get, you mangy wolf" InuYasha said. Koga simply said "okay, okay, I'm going!" He then whipped up into the mini-twister and sped off.

* * *

Ginta and Hakkaku were running past. "Wait up, Koga" they said. "Perhaps I could help you two" Kagome said. They said "okay, Kagome." Later, they were in Kagome's car speeding towards Koga. InuYasha was sprinting to try and keep up. Miroku, Shippo, and Sango were on Kirara soaring overhead. "Kirara's barely able to keep up with Kagome's automob--. GET OFF MY BACKSIDE, MIROKU!" After slapping him, Miroku said "the hand's possessed." InuYasha, barely gripping onto Kirara's tail and out of breath, said "sure…it is…pervert." He then fell onto the ground very exhausted. "Kagome…I get…the next…ride" he said. Kirara then turned around and headed for InuYasha. "Thanks, Kirara" he said. Miroku helped InuYasha up onto Kirara's back, and the big kitty took flight once more. After some time, they at last caught up with the speeding sports car.


	4. Flock to the Future

InuYasha said "there she is. Take us down." Kirara did as instructed, inching closer and closer to the back of the speeding car. InuYasha slowly made his way onto Kirara's side to try and get onto the car. "A little closer" InuYasha yelled. Kirara let out a growl and inched closer. InuYasha said "I can almost reach it." He saw an opportunity, and crept onto the back end of the car. "Okay, I'm on" he said. With that, Kirara climbed drastically as the car sped on.

Inside the car, Kagome was unaware of her extra passenger's presence. Ginta then said "there he is. He's camping for the night!" Kagome then slammed the pedal to the metal; the _brake_ pedal. InuYasha flew forward into the rear window. He thought "man, I thought her sit commands were bad."

As Ginta and Hakkau were exiting the car, Kagome got out to see what that noise was. "InuYasha, you okay?" she asked. InuYasha replied "Am I ok? Am I ok? I just slammed face-first to the back glass window." "Sorry" Kagome replied. InuYasha calmly said "it's ok, Kagome."

Up on Kirara, Sango, Miroku and Shippo seen this and shivered after what InuYasha went through with the window, then Shippo said "I'm glad that wasn't me down there." Kirara landed nearby. After transforming into her smaller form, Kagome asked "anyone hungry at all cause I sure am." Everyone agreed, and InuYasha asked "you've got that pasta?" Kagome replied "no, I don't. I've got something better in mind." Miroku asked "well, what do you mean?" Kagome got back into her car, retracted the roof, and said "last one to the well is a quarter-demon." InuYasha, puzzled beyond belief, asked "quarter-demon?" Shippo said "Kagome, there's no such thing as a quarter-dem--." "Shut up, Shippo!" InuYasha said. "InuYasha…" Kagome began. Shippo yelled "YOU _DON'T _HAVE TO MAKE HIM SIT, KAGOME!" Kagome paused for a moment and said "…never mind. Let's go." Kagome started the car, and Kirara quadrupled her size. Kirara let out a roar. Kagome simply revved the car engine in response. Kirara was growling in imitation of a revving car engine while Kagome kept revving her car's engine. InuYasha said "wow, I've never seen them behave like _that_." Sango and Miroku got on Kirara's back. InuYasha and Shippo got into the car. As Kagome and Kirara were still revving and growling, Sango said "Kirara, what is it?" Miroku said "behave yourself, Kirara." A large green leaf dropped off a tree in front of them, and both Kirara and the car were off like shots. "WHOOOOA!" Miroku yelled, not anticipating Kirara's quick jolt.

Later, Kaede was tending to her garden when she heard something approaching…fast. Soon, Kagome's car tore through the foliage and stopped short of the village. Kirara landed moments later. "Don't push yourself like that, Kirara" Sango said. After Kirara transformed back to smaller size Kaede said "What were you guys doing?" Kagome said "Kirara wanted to race the car so we raced." Kaede shook her head and said "That is one strange demon cat." Sango and Miroku's reply was "Yes she is, Lady Kaede, yes she is." Then Shippo said "can we eat now? I'm hungry." Kagome replied "yes. We just need to go to a special place." Shippo had a puzzled look for a moment. Soon, everyone including Kirara was in the car. Sango said "Kagome, what's this special place like?" 

Kagome replied "it's like…a surprise." InuYasha had a smile on his face and said "is it what I am thinking of Kagome?" Kagome said "it might be InuYasha, it might be. I still won't tell." InuYasha said "awww, come on, Kagome, tell us what it is." Kagome's reply was the accelerator being pinned to the floor. The car took off like a rocket. Shippo then said "hey, there's the well." Sango said "yes it is Shippo, but what would Kagome take us to the well for?" Miroku was equally as puzzled as both Sango and Shippo. Kirara was batting the air freshener not paying any attention to what was going on. Sango shouted "Kirara, get off of the dashboard and leave the air freshener alone." InuYasha replied "yeah, it's my turn." Kagome replied "InuYasha…" InuYasha chuckled and said "it's a joke Kagome." Kagome said "SIT BOY." After slamming face-first into the dashboard, Kirara leapt to the back seat. Miroku thought "shouldn't she be slowing down about now?"

Closer to the well, a flea was up in a tree seeing the car approach. "Sorry…uhh…metal demon…but I need a ride" the flea said. With that, Myoga leapt from the tree and landed on one of the car's wiper blades. The car entered the well and Kagome hit the headlights on. Shippo said "wait, are you taking us to your world?" Kagome replied "you guessed it." A light appeared at the end of the well tunnel. Sango asked "so we are going to your world?" Miroku said "if so, that is a wonderful idea, Kagome." Kagome said "there it is up ahead." InuYasha asked "You three are excited to come to Kagome's time?" The others cheered in excitement. As the top was up, Myoga was unable to hear any of them and didn't know what was going on. "Oh, dear, I'm not ready to die" he whimpered. Shippo asked Kagome "What is your world like anyway?" Kagome replied "you'll find out in 3…2…1…"

The car the raced out the other side of the well and over to a special garage in the house. She parked the car in the garage, and the others were very impressed. "Welcome to my humble abode" Kagome said. "Wow, this house is amazing, Kagome" Shippo said. Kagome got out of the car saying "come on in this way, guys. Take a load off." The others hesitated and followed her in.


	5. Say What, Miroku?

They're walking into the house, when Shippo sees an under-the-counter type can opener. "What a strange-looking box" he said. InuYasha said "that isn't a box, Shippo; it's called a can opener." Miroku then asked "so, I guess there's also such a thing as a 'can't opener'." InuYasha shakes his head and said "Miroku, you're more dense than I am." Sango said "it's nice to meet you, mother of Kagome." Then Kagome's mom said "it's nice to meet you, Sango is it?" Miroku came up and said "there is a request I have, miss." Sango started to roll her eyes, when Miroku continued with "I would like for you to _not_ bear my child." InuYasha fell to the side and asked "Did he say what I think he said, Sango?" Kagome responded "yes, he did, InuYasha. Yes he did." Sango simply couldn't believe her ears. Shippo's jaw dropped when he heard what Miroku said. Kirara, meanwhile, was playing with Buyo. Kagome's mom replied "no need to worry about that request not being fulfilled."

After a while, everyone was busy getting settled. InuYasha was walking upstairs when he saw Shippo transfixed by something. InuYasha asked "what are you gawking at Shippo?" Shippo was a little too distracted to hear InuYasha, as he was gazing in amazement at Kagome's lava lamp. Then Shippo said "it's so beautiful, I can't resist it." InuYasha then said "Shippo. _Shippo_. SHIPPO!" Then Shippo snapped out of his daze and said "what, what, what's wrong?" InuYasha said "you looked distracted; I thought I'd snap you out of it." Shippo shakes his head and said "thanks, InuYasha, for snapping me out of it." InuYasha replied "don't mention it. Serioulsy, don't mention this to anyone; I have reputation as a tough half demon to up hold."

Kagome and Sango, meanwhile, helping kagome's mom with the cooking. Sango jumped back a little when Kagome flambéd the meat. "Warn me when you do that" she said. Kagome said "sorry, Sango, I forgot to tell you this before we started cooking the meat."

Later, Miroku was holding what looked like a white remote control. InuYasha was holding an identical controller. Miroku swung his arm back in an underhand backswing, and swung it forward again. On the TV screen, a Miroku-looking avatar flung a bowling ball down a lane and knocked down 7 pins. InuYasha said "nice throw, Miroku." Miroku tried a second throw, but the virtual ball went back into the virtual crowd. Upon a second attempt, Miroku scored a spare.

Shippo was at a chess set with Sota. Sota said "okay, shippo, eat...my...shorts" as he moved a bishop piece. Shippo, without so much as a second thought, moved a piece and said "checkmate." Sota's jaw dropped in amazment as he asked Shippo "how did you do that?" Kagome then yelled "dinner is ready!" Everyone except InuYasha and Miroku went in. Kagome said "guys, pause your game!" With that, they paused the game and joined them at the dinner table.


	6. The Plot and the Hitchhiker

Back in the feudal era, Naraku was ticked. "Tell me, Sesshomaru, where is InuYasha?" Naraku sent a burst of power at a chained-up Sesshomaru. After taking this onslaught, Sesshomaru said "for the tenth time, I don't know his whereabouts." Naraku growled and hit Sesshomaru with another power burst. "Lord Sesshomaru!" Jaken yelled. Right behind him was Rin. Naraku said "now then, we can do this the easy way or the hard way." "I don't know where InuYasha is, Naraku!" Sesshomaru yelled. Naraku said "okay. KAGURA!" "Yes, Naraku?" she replied. "I want you to go out and find InuYasha. He's hiding somewhere, but this excuse of a demon won't tell." Then Sesshomaru shouts "I told the first time, and I'm telling you the last time, Naraku, I DON'T KNOW WHERE INUYASHA IS." Naraku said "I was talking about Mr. Green over there." Jaken said "I HAVE A NAME, YOU KNOW. I'M JAKEN! UNDERSTAND ME, NARAKU, YOU HALF-BREED DEMON?" Naraku said "I'll send out Kagura to search. A swarm of my poison insects will form a second searching party, seen on this soul mirror, here. Should either fail, I'll then send you out, Sesshomaru." Then Sesshomaru said "fine by me, Naraku." So, Kagura went out on her feather, and the insect swarm went another direction as the mirror came to life.

* * *

Back in the modern era, everyone was enjoying dinner at Kagome's house. Shippo took one bite of the mashed potatoes and said "these potatoes are very good. I've never had them like this." Kirara was stuffing her face with the modern era cat food. Sango said "InuYasha, you should try this special drink of Kagome's. I think she calls it 'pep-see'." After hearing Miroku let out a very big belch, InuYasha said "I _have_ tried it. That's good stuff." Kagome turned to Miroku and said "excuse you, Miroku." Miroku said "sorry, Kagome, I had not planned on that at all."

* * *

Outside, a flea was leaping off the left wiper blade of Kagome's car. He shakes his head and said "that is one strange demon." He looked around and said "Toto, I don't think we're in Kayede's village anymore." He started looking around at this strange new place...and the strangely motionless demon he was on. After looking around a while he started to hear familiar voices from inside a strange structure. He said "is that Master InuYasha?" He looked over the metal demon and saw tetsuiga through openings. "Master InuYasha's sword; I must get that back." At that moment, InuYasha walked outside. Myoga turned around and he saw InuYasha. "Master InuYasha" he yelled. InuYasha looked down at the ground and he said "Myoga, what are you doing here...besides the backstroke?" Myoga said "quick, you must get your sword out of that demon before it wakes up!" InuYasha looks around and said "demon? What demon, Myoga?" Myoga pointed and said "this red one that looks like metal. I can see Tetsuiga through some strange-looking wounds!" InuYasha shakes his head and said "Myoga, that's not a demon it's a car; another of Kagome's artifacts." Myoga replied "my. Am I ever embarassed? Don't tell Kagome." InuYasha said "why _shouldn't_ I tell her? Oh, Kagome!" Kagome came out. "What is it, InuYasha?" she asked. "Guess who the hitchhiker is, Kagome." InuYasha said. Kagome replied "Hitchhiker? I don't remember picking anyone else up." InuYasha sad "okay, stowaway." Kagome looked and saw Myoga sitting on the car. Kagome asked "What are you doing here Myoga?" Myoga said "please forgive me, Kagome. I didn't mean to jump onto your car. I thought that was a demon."

* * *

At Naraku's castle, Kagura swept back in. "I'm not finding a trace of him" she said. "Well, I guess we can wait until the poison insects come back and see if they found any trace of InuYasha, and if not then Sesshomaru can look for his brother at his own free will" Naraku said. Jaken asked "and...what about Rin and I, lord...Naraku?" "You two shall remain here" Naraku said. Sesshomaru then asked "why can they not accompany me?" Naraku replied "sit" and Sesshomaru was flung face-first into the ground. "ME LORD!" Jaken yelled. Rin gasped and asked "Lord Sesshomaru, are you all right?" "I'm okay, but ticked as well. How _dare_ you subject me to my brother's humiliation?" Shesshomaru said. Then Naraku said "are you serious about wanting their company?" Sesshomaru's reply was "yes, I want Jaken and Rin to accompany me." Naraku then made a loud blubbering sound and said "okay, then. Rin and Jerk-an can accompany you on your search." Jaken yelled "HEY! My name is JAKEN! JAKEN! Understand, half-blooded demon." Naraku turns to Jaken and grabs him by the neck and said "Never, _ever_ call me a half-blooded demon, understand me? I am Naraku, the full-blooded demon, not a pathetic half breed like your brother is." Kagura thought to herself "I wonder if '¾-blooded' would suffice." Jaken asked "_my_ brother?" Then Naraku said "not you, Jaken. I was talking to Sesshomaru, not to a green goblin like you." Just then, the swarm returned, and Kanna appeared. "What's the report, Kanna?" Naraku asked. Kanna's reply was "the poison insects didn't find any trace of InuYasha or his friends. There were only strange grooves in the ground, but they didn't look significant."

* * *

Back in the modern era, Kagome was jacking up the car. Suddenly, everyone was scrambling out of the house. "Miroku, _never_ eat those beans again!" Shippo yelled. Then InuYasha slugged Miroku at the back of his head. "OW! INUYASHA!!" Miroku said. InuYasha said "another stink bomb and I won't let you off that easy." Later, InuYasha was lying on a wheeled cart with attached pillow. Kagome was next to him on another pillowed cart. "Let's do this" she said. InuYasha asked "what exactly do you have in mind?" Kagome placed a small tool box on her stomach and said "under here." With that, the two went under the car on the pillow carts. InuYasha said "this is something else." Then, a loud clank was heard, and the half-demon yelled "ow! Stupid pipe!" Kagome asked "You ok, InuYasha?" InuYasha replied "yes. So what are we doing under here?" Kagome said "we're installing this upgrade." Later, when they emerged, Miroku asked "what's that beast's underside like?" A blow from Sango's Hirakotsu later, the monk replied "I meant the car, Sango." The car was lowered, and the newly installed feature was tested: a red underbody light. "Wow, that's awesome" Shippo said. InuYasha said "hey, it even matches my kimono." Kagome said "we're not done yet."

* * *

Back at Naraku's castle, Ah-Un was ready. Naraku said "Sesshomaru, I'd reccomend searching Kaede's vill--." "Would you just shut up?" Sesshomaru asked, "I'm going." Naraku growled at Sesshomaru and said "fine, Sesshomaru. The next time we see each other again, I will kIll you." Ah-Un took off with Rin and Jaken on board thinking "not with Tenseiga in my hands, you won't."

At Kaede's village, a raccoon-badger was gathering herbs for Kaede's rice sauce when he tripped over something. He looked and thought "this is strange: two parallel ruts in the ground. What could've dug those?" Suddenly, a double-headed dragon surged out of the clouds. Hachi screamed and tried to run around in circles until he tripped over the other tire rut. "Not again" Hachi said. The dragon landed, pinning Hachi's tail under one of its feet. Sesshomaru fell off, landing in a thorn bush. He said "that really hurts." Rin jumped off Ah-Un and helped Sesshomaru off the thorny bushes and asked him "are you ok, my lord?" He then heard someone yell "would you get _off_ me, you stupid dragon?" Sesshomaru looked over Ah-Un and saw Hachi. He said "where is Kaede, you ferret?" Hachi said "I'm a badger. She's inside making rice." Sesshomaru looked and asked "inside...where?" Hachi said "I'm not telling you." Jaken was then seen flying out of a house's chimney. "Yeoww-ooh-ooh-ooh-owww!" he yelled, "hot rice, hot rice, hot riiiiice!" Hachi slapped his hand over his face saing "Oh no." Sesshomaru said "Thank you, Jaken." Then, Rin said "let me talk to her for you my lord." Sesshomaru asked "how do you do this? How do you know what I'm about to request?" As Rin made her way to the house in question, Sesshomaru said "I'm not finished with you, badger!"

* * *

In Kagome's time, InuYasha was removing some newspaper off the car door to reveal some nice yellow text reading "InuYasha II". "Wow" he said, "that turned out pretty good." Shippo said "excellent." Miroku, meanwhile, asked Sango "I'd like for you to have--." A hit from the Hirakosu later, he finished "--a glass of water." Sango saw the glass and said "uhh...oops."


	7. Sit Fest!

Later that evening, Sango and Kagome were in Kagome's room looking through the modern-day female wardrobe. "I must say that those clothes are interesting, Kagome" Sango said. Kagome replied "any you'd like to try on?" Sango said "I'll see how this shirt, pair of blue pants, and this strange hat look." Kagome sees that she had selected blue jeans, an "I love Japan" tank top, and a hat with Kirara-ish ears on it. After changing, Kagome said "now _that_ ought to drive Miroku wild." As Kagome noticed the tank top to be a bit…revealing on Sango, the demon slayer said "let's see."

Downstairs, Miroku, Shippo, Sota, and InuYasha are playing the Death Note edition of Uno. As neither Shippo or Miroku had played before, InuYasha and Sota are guiding them through. Shippo plays a card with a twisted double-headed arrow on it. "Back to you, Miroku" InuYasha said. Miroku looked at his cards and played another card of the same color. "These are interesting tarot cards" he said. InuYasha immediately toppled off his chair. "Remember Kagome's playing cards?" he asked. The monk replied "I remember _those_, but--." "Same difference" InuYasha said. Shippo said "you mean these won't tell my future?" InuYasha paused and said "You're killing me, smalls."

* * *

Back in Kaede's village, Rin was walking up to the house that had the very chimney that Jaken shot out of. She knocked, asking "anyone home?" The curtain moved aside as Kaede appeared. "Hi" she said, "what seems to be troubling you, my child?" "Are you the priestess known as Lady Kaede?" Rin asked. Kaede replied "yes, I am. What can I do for you, my dear?" Rin said "have you seen InuYasha?" Kaede replied "sure. Everyone's seen InuYasha; swell fellow." "I meant recently" Rin said. Kaede said "I haven't seen him for the past two weeks. Earlier, I heard an artifact of Kagome's pass through real quickly." Rin replied "okay. Thank you."

Just outside the village, Hachi was being pinned down in a "say uncle" position by Sesshomaru. "Tell me, Badger, where is InuYasha?" "OWWW!" Hachi yelled, "I'll _never_ tell you, Sesshomaru!" Sesshomaru intensified the pulling on poor Hachi's arm, saying "okay. We can do this the _easy_ way, or we can do this…" His other hand got a firm hold of Hachi's neck, constricting ever so slowly. Sesshomaru finished with "…the _hard_ way. Your choice." Hachi was desperately trying to gasp for air. Just then, Rin returned to tell Sesshomaru what she found out. After giving him the information, she realized why he didn't appear to have heard her. "SIT, BOY!" she yelled. Sesshomaru was instantly flung to the ground. His grasp on Hachi was released, and Hachi gasped for air and got to his feet. Sesshomaru said "traitor." As Hachi was coughing, Rin said "now, that I have your attention, I have some information." She relayed her info, and Sesshomaru said "ooo…kayyyy. We can wait for their return." Hachi barked "just try it!" Sesshomaru takes out his sword and said "ok then I will." Rin said "sit, boy." As she said that, Sesshomaru flung forward to the ground, hitting his head on a medium-sized rock. Then he said "WILL YOU _KNOCK_ IT OFF?" Rin said "no way, Sesshey." Sesshomaru said "don't call me Sesshey. Anyway, it's settled: we stay and wait." He puts his sword back in the sheath and sits under a tree.

* * *

Back in the modern time, Sango was ready to flaunt in front of Miroku. "Is this enough to drive him batty?" she asked. Kagome said "here, I'll look at it from over here and we can sit." A loud thud was heard below them. InuYasha was on the floor face-first and yelled "what was _that_ about, Kagome?" Kagome said "sorry, InuYasha." She turned to Sango and said "you look great, now. Let's show Miroku that outfit." With that, they headed downstairs. When Sango came to the final steps she said "check me out, monk." Miroku looked and said "I've seen you like that before, Kagome." Sango said "I'm not Kagome." Then, Kagome comes downstairs in Sango's outfit. Even though Sango's sleeves overran Kagome's hands a little, Kagome asked "what do you think, InuYasha?" InuYasha asked "Kagome, what _are_ you doing in Sango's outfit?" Kagome replied "the hula." Miroku shakes his head and said "Sango?" Sango said "sit, monk." Nothing happened, to InuYasha's amazement.


	8. On the Town

Later that evening, everyone was asleep. Sango and Kagome were in Kagome's room, Shippo was sleeping in Sota's room, while Miroku and InuYasha were sleeping in the car. Later, the sun was rising. InuYasha slowly drifted awake. Up in Kagome's room, the alarm clock was seconds from going off when InuYasha pressed down on the car horn outside. Kagome was awakened by the sudden interruption of the silence. "What was that?" Sango asked. Then, the alarm clock went off. Kagome said "I'll give you three guesses on who it is." Sango's reply was "let me guess: InuYasha." Kagome said "I think so. Sit, boy."

In the car, InuYasha's necklace flung him into the horn. Kagome, seeing that, laughs a little and mutters "you deserved that, InuYasha." In the car, InuYasha raises his head and said "traitor." Miroku, waking up, asks "InuYasha, what'd you do _this_ time?" InuYasha's reply was "I was flung into the horn by another one of Kagome's sit commands."

* * *

After breakfast, Kagome was briefing the others about the day's activities. "Okay, I'll lay down some rules" she said, "number one: no womanizing…ahem, ahem, Miroku." Noticing Kagome's glare, Miroku chuckled a little and said "what? I wasn't going to do anything." Kagome mutters "sure, you weren't. This time, I'll make sure." Turning to InuYasha, she removed the necklace and said "InuYasha, if I may." She turned to the monk and put the necklace on him. InuYasha said "well, I'm not in the doghouse now." Miroku replied "ah, shut up." Kagome then handed Shippo a backpack with a flap in the back. "What's this about?" he asked. InuYasha replied "same reason I need this." With that, the half-demon put on his baseball cap. Shippo looked in the mirror and at the backpack and said "ah. I get it, now: my tail." Kagome said "exactly." After Miroku and Sango were ready in street clothes, Kagome said "okay, let's go."

* * *

Later, at Wacdonald's, three familiar schoolgirls (Kagome's friends) were sitting at a table dining when a large rolling piece of metal the same shade of red as InuYasha's kimono parked in a spot right outside the window they were at. One of them looked out the window and said "Yuka, Eri, look out there." The other two glanced and gasped loudly. "That is one nice set of wheels" Yuka said. Eri let out another gasp upon seeing the license plate. "Guys, it's Kagome" she said. Ayumi gagged on her soda, spraying it all over Yuka in the process. "Are you serious?" she asked. Her answer came in the form of one of the car's scissor doors opening and Kagome stepping out of the vehicle, keys in hand. "Holy crap" Ayumi said. Yuka, wiping herself off, said "nice one, Ayumi." Eri said "Kagome is so lucky."

Outside, Kagome was unable to tell who, if anyone, was on the other side of the window. The others were getting out of the vehicle. Kagome said "Remember, Miroku, just one 'I want you to have my' you-know-what, and it'll be slam time for you, pal." Miroku makes a zipper motion across his mouth. InuYasha and Sango were giggling behind Kagome's back. "What are you two laughing at?" Miroku asked, "I'll contain myself." As they made their way to the entrance, Shippo muttered "sure you will" and joins in on the giggling. Sango said "you won't make it, monk. I know you too well." Kagome turned to InuYasha, Shippo, and Sango and loudly cleared her throat. InuYasha said "okay, okay, cool as a cucumber" as the other two stopped giggling.

* * *

They went in and were on their way to a table when the leader of the pseudo-gang was spotted. "Hey, Kagome!" Ayumi yelled. Kagome turned and saw her three classmates. Slightly surprised, Kagome said "guys, good to see you. I didn't think you would be here." "Where _else_ would we be, Kagome?" Eri asked. Kagome said "maybe at Hojo's family's shop." "Who's" InuYasha asked in a tone of suspicion. Kagome thought "crap, he doesn't know about Hojo" and said "no need to worry, InuYasha." Then, Yuka chimed in with "so, Kagome how was your trip to Chicago?" Kagome thought "grandpa must've run out of diseases" and said "my trip was great. I especially loved the Sears Tower." Indicating the others in turn, she then said "I'd like you guys to meet Shippo, Miroku, and Sango." With that, Kagome's three classmates introduced themselves to Shippo, Miroku, and Sango. "Hi I'm Ayumi. This is Eri and Yuka." They shook Shippo, Miroku, and Sango's hands. Then all three of them turned to InuYasha. Yuka, blushing heavily, said "nice to see you again, Yashey-washey." As InuYasha got a puzzled look on his face, asking "Yashey-washey?" in the process, Kagome was _very_ embarrassed. Kagome asked "what did you say that for?" Upon getting blank looks and blushing from her classmates, Kagome asked them "do you have a crush on InuYasha?" They only blushed further, giggling a little. "A…what?" InuYasha asked Kagome. Kagome replies "a crush." InuYasha said "and a crush would be…" "I'll tell you when we get back" Kagome replied. He found a dictionary nearby and began paging through it. Kagome thought "impatient, as usual." Turning back to her classmates, she said "try to contain yourselves. Okay?"

* * *

Further into the meal, Ayumi said "Kagome, we heard that Hojo found out about your boyfriend. He was real ticked." After getting looks of puzzlement from Sango, Shippo, and Miroku with another look of suspicion from InuYasha, Kagome said "I thought I told you guys not to inform him about InuYasha." InuYasha asked "okay, _who_ is this Hojo?" Ayumi replied "he is a…uhh." Kagome jumped in and said "a friend of mine." Eri said "he's been trying to have Kagome go--." "ERI!" Kagome yelled. "Ah, he's your era's version of Koga" InuYasha replied. Kagome said "thanks a lot, Eri." Sango, meanwhile, asked "InuYasha, are you feeling okay?" InuYasha unloaded a heap of sarcasm with "yeah, great, especially since Kagome is two-timing me!" "I'm not two-timing you" Kagome said. InuYasha calmly said "thanks." Turning to her friends, he said "continue, please."

Miroku, unable to control himself with their looks, goes to Yuka and says "Yuka, I have a request for you." Yuka got out a flute and music book asking "okay, what would you like to hear?" Miroku replied "not that kind of request." Ayumi asks "must you _always_ bring your flute here?" Yuka said "one moment, Ayumi" and asked "well…what kind of request is this?" Kagome's ears perked up at that and she turned to look. Miroku said "I want you to bear--." "Sit, Monk!" Kagome yelled. After being flung face-first into a plate of catsup, Miroku painfully moaned "…me a son." Eri gagged on her drink and looked aghast. Yuka, on the other hand, said "no problem," whipped out a pen and paper, and drew a sun picture. "There you are" she gleefully said. Eri then had a sly grin on her face. "Good one" she said, high-fiving her friend. Miroku said "I wasn't talking about that kind of--." Sango instantly socked him in the chops. "Cool it, monk" Sango said. Then, Miroku said "all I wanted is for Yuka to have my children." Yuka replied "you know, I _do_ have _My Children_." She dug in her music bag again Miroku said "_not a song. I wanted kids from you_!"

Then Yuka had a surprised look on her face then she said "ohhh. _That's_ what you meant." After a pause, she said "I don't think so, Miroku." Then Yuka dumped her slushie on Miroku's head. As the freezing liquid dripped and slowly slid down his back, he said "OH CRAP, NOOOOOOO." Sango on the other hand was enjoying what was going on. She said "if only there were frozen beverages like _that_ in our time." Shippo was on the floor laughing his head off. Inuyasha was covering his mouth trying to contain his laughing. Even Kagome was laughing at Miroku's misfortune. Miroku wiped off the slushy and said "I have never gotten this kind of treatment in my time."


	9. Back to the Past: a very hot day

After a while, InuYasha, Kagome and the others returned to the shrine for Sango and Miroku to change back into their feudal era garb. Shippo simply removed the backpack he had. Kagome got out and opened the trunk of the car. She then joined Sango in food gathering. InuYasha gets with Miroku to fetch sunscreen. However, InuYasha asks him "what the _heck_ is the matter with you?" smacking Miroku in the back of the head while doing so. As Kagome rolled her eyes from one floor below them, Miroku asks "what?" InuYasha said "you know." Then, mimicking the monk, InuYasha said "I have a request for you." Miroku said "I was being honest." InuYasha barked back "this is _not_ the era to do that in! You don't go around and ask other ladies if they'd like to bear a child for you!" Miroku said "I can't help it. I go after a lot of--." "SIT, MONK!" Kagome yelled from down below. After slamming face-first into the floor, Miroku yelled "would you knock off those sit commands, Kagome."

* * *

Later on, Kagome and Sango headed back out to the car with the supplies, only to stop in their tracks when they saw Shippo on the roof of the car. He was holding what appeared to be pieces of cardboard with aluminum foil on one side, reflecting sunlight up onto him. Sango didn't think much of it, but Kagome held back the demon slayer. "Shippo, what _are_ you doing up there?" Shippo replied "just taking it easy." Sango asked "that's how you take it easy in your time, Kagome?" Kagome replied "yeah, but not everyone does it like that." "How would _you_ relax, Kagome?" Sango asked. Just then, the conversation was interrupted by Miroku and InuYasha coming out of the house in the midst of a physical fight. InuYasha then body-slams Miroku to the ground. They're both yelling at one another. Shippo started chanting "fight, fight, fight, fight, fight…" Sango, hearing this, joined in with "fight, fight, fight, fight, fight…" Kagome, not too happy, said "InuYasha, Miroku, knock it off!" The fight still persisted, so Kagome pulled the two of them apart. As Shippo and Sango gave looks of disappointment, Kagome barked "what is the matter with you two?" InuYasha said "Kagome, this has got nothing to do with you." Miroku agreed with "yeah, it's between just us two." Kagome, giving them a dirty look, simply turned the two of them face-to-face, got the necklace on both their necks, and said "sit, guys!"

Sango and Shippo, inspired by the effects of this, started chanting "sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit…" Kagome turned to them and said "_you're_ not exactly helping here." Sango said "sorry, Kagome." Miroku and InuYasha had both been slammed into the ground. They were moaning in pain. After getting up, both InuYasha and Miroku simultaneously said "please remove this necklace." Hearing one another, they turned to one another and simultaneously said "would you let _me_ do the talking?" Kagome, holding a roll of duct tape, got between them and said "okay, guys. I'll do the talking, here." InuYasha and Miroku stood in a gaze of amazement. Kagome says "okay. InuYasha, tell me what this is all about." InuYasha was about to blurt out something rude, when Kagome removed the one half of the necklace from Miroku, giving InuYasha a stern look afterwards. Miroku started to laugh a little, when Kagome turned to the monk. Holding up the roll of tape, she said "ahh-ahh-ahh-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup! I've got tape and I'm not afraid to use it." Miroku stood in silence, when InuYasha snickers. Kagome turns to InuYasha, saying "siiiii…." InuYasha instantly shut up.

Sango and Shippo, meanwhile, were in the car with the doors open. Sango held out a packet of stove-top, non-microwavable popcorn. Shippo, understanding the silent request, made a small ball of fox fire under the popcorn as Kirara played with the air freshener. They closed the car doors to keep Kagome from hearing the popping.

* * *

InuYasha said "it's Miroku's lechery. He blabbed that usual request to that friend of yours." Miroku said "I can't help that." Kagome calmly said "that's more like it. InuYasha, while I _do_ agree with you on Miroku's behavior, I'll ask that you let me handle it. There's no need to get physical with him." Miroku said "thanks, Kagome. At least you understand." With that, his hand reached out to a certain area. InuYasha, feeling something strange on him, said "you've got one second to get your hand _off_ of me, monk!" Miroku recoiled with a yelp as though having touched a hot pan.

In the car, Shippo said "Sango, look." Sango was drinking something when she noticed what Miroku had been doing. Instantly, a mouthful of Dr. Pepper was sprayed on the dashboard as Sango gagged on it. Sango asked "what is he _thinking_?" Shippo suggested "maybe he's turning gay." Sango asked "could you just pass the popcorn, please?" "Sure" Shippo replied, handing the popcorn pan to her.

Back outside, Miroku said "dude, I'm so sorry. I thought that was Kagome." InuYasha was about to retort back, when he thought of something better. He said "you don't know how long I've wanted to do this." With that, he cleared his throat and said, in near-perfect mimicry of Shippo, "Kagome, Miroku's being mean to you!" Kagome, holding back a little laughter with a lot of difficulty, turned to Miroku. "Why were you doing that, Miroku?" Miroku replied "I'm a lecher. What do you expect?" InuYasha retorted "touch me like that again, monk, and I'll shove that staff so far up your--." "Sit, boy" Kagome interrupted. InuYasha was instantly flung face-first in the ground.

* * *

Later, they were ready to get going. InuYasha asked "Shippo, Sango, you ready?" Shippo replied "we are." Kagome noticed Sango with something. "Sango, quit eating the popcorn. That's for later." Sango, through a mouthful of popcorn, said "I'm not." Kagome replied "okay, then whistle." Sango glanced away for a moment and then swallowed. "Okay, I was, but it was only one pan" she said. Kagome replied "well, that's good." Shippo then let out a huge belch. InuYasha said "man, Shippo, you want to do that again? I think there were two or three people downtown who couldn't quite hear that." Kagome, ignoring InuYasha's remark, asked "how many sodas did you have?" Shippo replied "only two; they were caffeine free." Kagome said "okay. Guys, let's head on in." She leaned on the dashboard as Miroku and InuYasha got in. When she went to turn around, she felt something sticky on the dashboard. She got in the driver's seat and asked "what's all over the dashboard?" Sango said "oh, crap." Turning to Kagome, she said "that only happened because of what Miroku did earlier." Miroku said "oh, crap, here we go." Shippo said "I thought the monk was turning--." Instantly, Sango's hand covered Shippo's mouth. As Kagome started the engine, InuYasha got hold of Shippo and removed Sango's hand from the fox demon's mouth. "Now, what was it you were going to say?" Shippo simply writes it down and has InuYasha read it. "You've got to be kidding me, Shippo" he said.

* * *

Back in the feudal era, the sun was roasting on a _very_ hot day. Sesshomaru was sweating buckets. Rin and Jaken weren't fairing so well either. Rin then got an idea. "Lord Sesshomaru" she asked, "perhaps we could swim in that lake over there." Instantly, Sesshomaru got up. "No need to ask _me_ twice" he said. They all darted for the pond that Rin had pointed out.

Up in a tree, Hachi was not taking the heat too well, despite the shade. "This heat is killing me" he said. He then heard a small crack a short distance behind him. The branch he was on shifted down a little bit. Hachi thought "I should stay still." A purple glow flashed in the nearby well, and suddenly, the branch gave out. Hachi fell to the ground in front of the speeding car. Kagome slammed on the brakes and managed to get the car stopped just in time. "DON'T HURT ME, DEMON!" Hachi yelled.

Opening his eyes, he saw that the car was in front of him. Kagome exits the vehicle saying "you okay, Hachi?" Hachi replied "I'm okay, Kagome. However, I have no idea what this metal demon has in mind." Kagome said "it's not a demon. What you see here is another artifact from my time; called a car." It was then, that Hachi noticed the license plate on the car, which read "KAGOME." Upon noticing that, Hachi said "oh, it's like a self-propelled cart." He then heard a small short-lived hum noise from one side. He looked and saw a glass partition lowering into an armored area on the side. The lowering panel revealed InuYasha and a rather comfy-looking interior. "Hi, Hachi" he said. Hachi went up to InuYasha and said "hi. Can I come in? It's hot out here." InuYasha said "okay" and pulled a handle. Instantly, a section of the side swung open in a way Hachi had never seen a door do before. As the half-demon stepped out, Hachi said "that's amazing." He looked in and saw a seating area in back taken up by Shippo, Sango, and Miroku. "Hi, Hachi" Miroku said, "I'll gladly step out so you can get in. Besides, I'm freezing my buns off in here." Miroku got out and Hachi dove in. "How hot could it possibly be?" Miroku asked.

* * *

After 30 seconds, Miroku said "man, Hachi, you weren't kidding: it _is_ hot out here!" Kagome, now back in the driver's seat, looked at the panel for the climate control. The display showed the outside temperature at 108 degrees. "Holy crap" she said, "that's _very_ hot." Shippo, having no practice in reading a digital readout, asked "that's what those numbers on that thing mean?" InuYasha said "excellent, Sherlock." Kagome said "InuYasha…" He then whimpered a little. Kagome finished with "…sit, boy." Instantly, he was flung face-first into Sango's Dr. Pepper. The sticky beverage was sent all over the car as a result. Sighing, Kagome muttered "me and my big mouth." She then jerked up. "I'm sensing another jewel shard" she said.

InuYasha asked "where at?" A dashboard light came on. The light depicted a purple car-viewed-from-above symbol and a purple arrow pointing diagonally to the right and forward. Indicating the light, Kagome said "that direction." Miroku, still outside the car, was practically drenched in sweat. "Well, we can't all fit in there" he said. Sango spoke up with "I'll fly on Kirara." Kirara had to be pried off the air freshener, but soon joined Sango outside. Before the kitty's transformation, however, Sango asked "Kagome, could you pop the trunk? I need two towels." Miroku, not knowing how this would turn out, simply laid back and dozed off. Kagome popped the trunk and asked "what do you need the towels for?" Sango replied "I'm baking out here." With that, she got the two towels and disappeared behind some foliage.

Later, she came back out from the foliage. She was holding her neatly-folded regular clothes and her shoes in her hand as she returned. Kagome looked and noticed what Sango's need for the towels meant, as Sango was now clad in nothing except those two towels; one tied up around her chest, and the other tied around her waist. Shippo looked out the window. Upon gazing out, he asked "Kagome, what's up with Sango?" Hachi, hearing this, looked. "What the heck _is_ Sango doing?" InuYasha looked, only to slowly look away and roll his eyes. "Whatever" he said. Kagome replied "do you want the truth or something made-up?" She was answered by the sleeping monk's snoring. Kagome said "it's just hot out there, and Sango wanted to beat the heat." Shippo said "okay" and got off the window. Hachi, on the other hand, had his eyes glued. "Wow, and to think of what Miroku is missing" he said. Outside, Kirara transformed and growled a little. Kagome started the car as Sango mounted Kirara with a large leather water pouch. Kirara was then growling to mimic a revving engine. Kagome then revved the actual engine a little. Sango and InuYasha were simultaneously rolling their eyes. "COULD WE JUST GET GOING?" they both simultaneously barked. With that, the car took off like a shot. Kirara soared upwards to follow the car. After a few minutes, InuYasha asked "I wonder when Miroku is going to wake up and see Sango." Kagome replied "who knows, but he'll eventually wake up, see Sango like that, and go berserk."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the lake, Rin, Jaken, and Sesshomaru (clad only in the fluff wad wound around his waist), were having a good time. Rin then said "how about a breath-holding contest?" Jaken and Sesshomaru said "okay." With that, they all went underwater. Then, a flash of red light flew past the pond with a most unusual sound. Instantly, the three came back up. "What was that?" Sesshomaru asked. They looked and only saw a cloud from dust kicked up by the car, slowly revealing two mysterious ruts in the ground. Rin said "shall I go see what's on the ground over there?" Sesshomaru said "how do you do that? How do you know what I'm about to ask?" Rin replied "I just guess." Upon inspection, Sesshomaru asked "what's over there?" He then started teetering a little, and fell back. Rin replied "there's a pair of some strange snake demon trails." She turned to Sesshomaru, only to yelp at what she saw. "Gross, cover up" she screamed.

In the car, InuYasha had the window down and his head sticking out puppy-style. Kagome turns to see this and starts to giggle. Hearing this, he turned to her (head still outside) asking "what are you laughing at?" Kagome's response was "well, it's so cute, InuYasha." Then Inuyasha puts his head back in and said "Well Kagome it isn't cute." As he said that, Kagome puts her hand on Inuyasha's head saying "good boy." Inuyasha grabs Kagome's hand and said "STOP TREATING ME LIKE A DOG, KAGOME!" After that, InuYasha puts his head back out the window with tongue hanging out. Shippo turns to Hachi and said, while laughing, " check out what InuYasha is doing." Hachi looks and laughs so loud that Miroku wakes up and Inuyasha overhears Hachi's laughing. InuYasha turns and said "SHUT UP, YOU TWO!" Miroku rubs his eyes and said "what's so funny guys." InuYasha turns to Miroku and said "you don't need to know, Miroku."

* * *

At the pond, Sesshomaru got some decent covering on and inspected the ruts. "These snake demons must have jewel shards" he said, "what do you think, Jaken?" Jaken replied "I'm not sure, me lord." Turning to Rin, he asked "what do you think?" Rin said "if it's jewel shards, we should follow. But which way should we go?" Sesshomaru sniffed the ground around the ruts. "Me lord" Jaken said, "you're acting like your brother." Sesshomaru replied "well, we're trying to find him, yet we have no clue of his whereabouts. However, we have two snake demons with jewel shards. I figure if we follow these snake demons, the mortal girl my brother consorts with will pick up their shards. This would lead them to the snake demons and, subsequently, us. With no clues on direction to go on, I, as a dog demon, may need to pull out all the stops for tracking." With that, he sniffed again. That way" he said, pointing down the stretch of two ruts. "Ah-Un" Rin called. A surge of water came up as the massive dual-headed beast resurfaced, drenching the other three in the process. With that, they were off.


	10. Jaken's Sake and Sesshomaru's Curse

Further ahead, Sango and Kirara were feeling the effects of the heat. She got out her water pouch and got a drink. Kirara was starting to tire out. Sensing the loss in speed and altitude, Sango said "have a drink, Kirara." She let the big kitty drink some water. Soon, speed and altitude were regained.

Down in the car, Hachi said "Miroku, take a look out the back window." Miroku asked "what could possibly be of interest out there?" Hachi said "Miroku, look at what Sango is up to." Miroku said "I've seen her fly on Kirara before. What could _possibly_ be--? HOLY SHIT!!" He saw Sango in only the two towels. "Whoa" Miroku said, plastering his eyes on the glass. Sango thought "I have a feeling that monk is gawking at me." Kirara rolled her eyes and growled. Miroku, however, was removed from his hypnotic daze by a hard turn to the right. The car now was barreling through thick woods at an amazingly swift speed. This made for an exceptionally bumpy ride. Sango said "get lower, Kirara." As the cat obeyed, she saw the car missing trees left and right. How much farther can this fragment be?" she wondered.

* * *

Meanwhile, up on Ah-Un, Sesshomaru was sweating again. "This heat is insane" he thought. With that, he grabbed a leather pouch that contained a liquid. "I'm glad you brought this water, Jaken" he said as he uncorked the pouch. Jaken, however, was strangely not calm at all, as he knew the true contents. "Me lord" he yelled, "that's not--!" Too late, as Sesshomaru was already drinking some. "…water" he said in despair. Rin asked "what's wrong?" Jaken replied "that wasn't water in that pouch, it was Sake." "WHAT?" Rin yelped. After the drink, Sesshomaru re-corked the pouch, hiccupped, and began swaying back and forth. "Oh, man, he's intoxicated" Jaken said.

Sesshomaru slowly turned to Rin with his eyes half-closed and a sheepish grin on his face. "Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin hesitantly asked. "Hey, good-looking" Sesshomaru replied in a drunken slur. Rin asked "are you okay, Lord Sesshomaru?" Jaken, shocked at Sesshomaru's antics, said "I don't think so, Rin." "What should we do now, master Jaken?" Rin asked. Then, Sesshomaru said "no need to be shy around me." Dropping his robes off one shoulder, he continued with "I'm all yours for the taking, my dear. We're meant for each other." Stunned by Sesshomaru's rambling, Rin said "I'd like to be with you like this someday, but not at the mome--!" She was interrupted as Sesshomaru had her in a major-league kiss. Jaken couldn't believe his eyes. "Tell me I'm dreaming this" he whimpered. After the kiss, Rin said "I don't think you are, Jaken." Sesshomaru said "ah, my dearest, my heart is aflutter." Turning back to Sesshomaru, she barked "SIT!" He was instantly flung down. With that, his intoxication had instantly evaporated.

"What was _that_ about?" Sesshomaru asked. Rin replied "I'm glad you're back to normal now." Clueless, Sesshomaru asked "what was that sit command about?" "You were drunk, me lord" Jaken replied. "Was I doing anything in that state?" Sesshomaru asked. He then noticed his robe appearing to have slipped off one of his shoulders. As he saw that, Rin indicated the anomaly with his kimono saying "promise me you won't freak out." "Okay, I won't freak out." As Sesshomaru gets his kimono back on the right way, Rin said "you said that you were all mine for the taking and that we were meant for each other. You then kissed me." "Don't I kiss you on the cheek every night?" "I'm not talking _that_ kind of kiss. You kissed me as though we were lovers." "WHAT?" Sesshomaru yelped, "tell me you're joking." "I wish I was, my lord, but I'm not joking" Rin replied. "Did anything else happen?" Sesshomaru asked, now sounding terribly worried. Rin said "no, I issued that command immediately after that kiss." "I tried to tell you that wasn't water in this pouch" Jaken said, "it was sake." Sesshomaru felt very embarrassed. Red in the face, he chuckled and pelted Jaken with a rock. "Jaken" Sesshomaru calmly said. "Yes, me lord?" Jaken asked. Sesshomaru barked "what the _hell_ were you thinking?" "That sake was mine, me lord. Besides, it's your own--!" "Jaken, let me handle this" Rin said. Turning to Sesshomaru, she barked "besides, it's your own fucking fault! SIT!"

Sango and Kirara, meanwhile, heard a heard a rather distant thud behind them. "You hear something?" she asked. Right then, Kagome slammed the brake pedal to the floor. Kirara slams into the back window, causing Sango to roll onto the car roof. After a glance in the rearview mirror, Kagome said "uhh, oops." Kirara was sliding off the back window, growling at Kagome in the process. They all got out and Sango said "nice move." "Sorry" Kagome replied. She then said "the shard is around here somewhere." Miroku said "excellent choice, Sango. I like the fashion trend you're starting here." "Shut it, monk" Sango replied. She promptly socked him on the head. "What did I do?" Miroku asked. Shippo was heard from inside a large hollow tree trunk. "I think I see it" he said." InuYasha then heard Shippo yelp, and then a low thunk sound. "Oh, good grief" he said. "Hey, I'm stuck!" Shippo yelled. "Figures" InuYasha said. Kagome made it to the tree trunk. "Do you have the jewel?" she asked. "I've got it" Shippo replied. "Okay, Shippo, I'll try and get you out" Kagome said. She reached down and pulled out the little fox demon. InuYasha said "look at the size of that shard!" Sango said "it's huge." Kirara's jaw dropped and her eyes bugged out. Kagome said "I think we'll camp here tonight."

* * *

Back on Ah-Un, Rin said "Lord Sesshomaru, your lips are flapping but I'm not getting any audio." Sesshomaru barked back "well, forgive me for being ashamed of my antics earlier!" "SIT, MY LORD!" Rin yelled. Sesshomaru was flung down onto Jaken. She then said "hang on, what's that up ahead?" The other two looked and saw where the car had turned and noticed the two ruts briefly become four. Ah-Un landed, and Sesshomaru said "this is strange. I've never seen snake demons able to do that." As they surveyed the area, Sesshomaru said "we walk from here, since the trails lead into the forest."

Back at the camp, they had finished eating. "I'm sensing another jewel, but let's wait until morning" Kagome said. Shortly thereafter, everyone was asleep. After awhile, the camp was quietly approached. Surveying from a tree, Rin said "it's not snake demons at all. It's some metal demon cart." Sesshomaru, puzzled beyond belief, asked "a metal demon?" Rin said "yes. Come up and see for yourself." Sesshomaru got up and looked. Seeing the car, he said "my goodness. That demon appears asleep. Let's wait until later." He bumped his head on the branch above him, waking up that branch's occupant in the process. The occupant, InuYasha, blurted out "try me, Sesshomaru, I dare you." Sesshomaru, in his best Jamaican accent, said "sorry about that, mon." As he retreated out of the tree, InuYasha said "no problem, though you look kind of familiar." Shrugging, the half-demon went back to sleep. After getting some distance, Sesshomaru said "that was a close call." Suddenly, a real snake demon raced by Sesshomaru.

Kagome awoke to a loud hissing sound. As the others woke up as well, Kagome got her bow and arrow. "We'd better go check out and see what that is" she said. Sesshomaru, meanwhile, had his sword ready with Jaken at his side. "Rin, stay on Ah-Un and wait for my return" he said. Rin replied "of course, Lord Sesshomaru." With that, Sesshomaru and Jaken followed the ugly snake. Kagome found the beast first. Positioning herself a good distance away, she readied her arrow and aluminum bow. She then noticed five jewel shards in the snake's chin. With her arrow ready and glowing, she said "take _this_, snake-breath. She fires the arrow as the snake turned to her saying "you wench!" As the snake slithered towards her, the arrow sped on. The arrow hit the snake in the chin, skewering through the top of its head and blasting out all five shards. The snake said "my tribe will have your head, you wench!" With that, Kagome caught the falling shards and the snake waved its skewered head around and fell dead. InuYasha jumped out of the bushes yelling "all right, demon!" Noticing the corpse and Kagome, he asked "what happened?" "My arrow killed the demon" Kagome said. Upon Miroku and Sango's arrival, Shippo said "nice shot, Kagome." Miroku said "okay, everyone behind me; I'll be removing the evidence." When everyone was ready, Miroku unveiled his right hand and yelled "WIND TUNNEL!" The snake and arrow were drawn in and the monk sealed his hand off again. InuYasha said "nice work, Miroku." Turning to Kagome, he asked "how many shards did that thing have?" Kagome replied "five shards. All of them are accounted for." Shippo said "five shards, that's a good sign." Then, a voice from behind some foliage said "well, it may have been a good sign at the time."

Out from the foliage came someone they knew too well. "What do you want, Sesshomaru?" InuYasha barked. "Calm yourself, InuYasha" Sesshomaru replied. InuYasha barked "why should I calm down?" Bringing out Tetsusaiga, he said "I should slice you down, Sesshomaru!" "Fine by me, brother. I can take you on whenev--." "SIT, LORD!" Rin interrupted. Upon slamming face-first into the ground, InuYasha had a look of shock on his face. "What the heck?" he asked. Soon, his shock wore into a smirk. "Hey, look at you, Mr. high-and-mighty big shot" he taunted. "Oh, shut up!" Sesshomaru yelled. Kagome said "InuYasha…" InuYasha gawked in fear as Kagome continued with "…sit, boy!" InuYasha plowed down, and Sesshomaru said "I guess I'm not the only one in the doghouse." After getting back up, InuYasha asked "how do _her_ sit commands work when you don't have a necklace?" "This necklace-free version of your susceptibility was brought onto me by Naraku" Sesshomaru replied, "I guess he emulated a mortal girl's administering the curse by giving Rin the ability--." "Sit, lord" Rin said. Sesshomaru plowed down again, saying "--to do that." With that, they both drew their swords. Rin said "you'd better not be fighting again." Sesshomaru said "maybe we _are_!" Rin said "siii…" Sesshomaru immediately re-sheathed his sword with a fearful look in his eyes. InuYasha re-sheathed his sword, saying "aw come on, Rin." "Sorry, boys" Rin replied. With that, she and Kagome high-fived. Then InuYasha said "you may not want to disobey Rin, but I'm going to disobey Kagome." "Inuyasha… SIT, BOY!" Kagome said. InuYasha plowed down instantly. InuYasha murmured "aw, man." Sesshomaru giggled quietly without Rin hearing him. "Let's go" Kagome said. She then paused as though remembering something. "Oh, Sesshomaru, I've got a little something for you" she said. Sesshomaru said "how sweet. What is it?" Kagome said "okay, close your eyes." Sesshomaru did so as Kagome motioned for them to get to the car. The others went when Sesshomaru said "okay, I'm ready." Kagome then gave Sesshomaru a swift kick where his legs met, and then bolted.

Sesshomaru toppled over and Kagome got into the vehicle. Sesshomaru said "what was that for?" Opening his eyes, he noticed that Kagome had gone. He saw Hachi in blimp-looking form soaring off elsewhere and then heard a strange roaring noise: the car had started up. Rin yelled "the demon cart! IT'S AWAKE!!!" Sesshomaru said "not for long" only to be nearly blinded when Kagome turned on the headlights. He jumped to the side to get out of the light, saying "dang it, my night vision is wonkey." Kagome floored the pedal and the car tore off into the night. "Lord Sesshomaru, are you okay?" Rin asked in concern. "Aside from my messed-up vision, I'm all right" Sesshomaru replied. They were unaware that a familiar-looking insect was hovering nearby. Some distance away, the insect's point of view appeared on a certain mirror. "Seems like you failed, Sesshomaru" Naraku said.


	11. InuYasha at the Wheel

Kagome and the others were on their way to another shard. After a while, Sesshomaru regained his night vision. "We must follow them" he declared. With that, they were on the trail of the car. At Naraku's castle, Naraku was displeased at Sesshomaru for his failure. "Kagura" he called. Kagura came to him with "yes, Naraku?" "I need you to go to Sesshomaru at once. Tell him I'm displeased with him" Naraku replied. Kagura said "I will do as you wish, Naraku." Naraku said "you must lure him with a disguise if need be." Kagura then got into a disguise. She looked exactly like InuYasha. "This disguise should do" she said. With that, she was off.

In the car, Shippo was looking out the back window with utmost concern. "Kagome, I think that Sesshomaru is following us since we're leaving tire tracks." Kagome replied "don't worry. I think I see some rocky terrain up ahead." Sure enough, the car went onto the rocky ground and was no longer leaving tire tracks. Soon after, it was gone. Up above, a purple feather was carrying someone who looked like InuYasha. Kagura was in her disguise, and she spotted Sesshomaru. "Right on time" she thought. With that, she landed and put her feather away. Soon after, Sesshomaru emerged from the woods. "The tracks have stopped, me lord" Jaken said. Sesshomaru said "it won't matter because there he is." Approaching whom he thought was InuYasha, he said "Brother, hand over your sword and your jewel shard." Kagura said "unfortunately, I have no shards and only a wooden pole." Sesshomaru staggered back in shock as the disguise was removed. "Kagura" he said, "what are you do--?" Kagura had grasped his neck and was squeezing tight, lifting him up in the process. "Naraku is ticked" she said, "you failed in your mission to get InuYasha." Tightening her grip on Sesshomaru's neck, Jaken cried out "me lord!" "Back down, Jaken" Sesshomaru gagged, "distract Kagura so I can free myself." "At once, me lord" Jaken replied. Sesshomaru turned back to Kagura and gagged "it wasn't my fault. I _will_ take down my brother. Tell Naraku that I eventually will take him down!" Rin yelled "my lord!" "Get back, Rin" Sesshomaru gagged. Then, Kagura said "okay." She immediately released Sesshomaru, letting him drop to the ground.

"You wench, how _dare_ you treat Lord Sesshomaru like that!" Jaken yelled. "Oh, pipe down, you little wart" Kagura barked, pelting him with a rock in the process. Turning back to Sesshomaru, she said "I'll give you one more chance." "Don't _ever_ talk to my servant like that" Sesshomaru said. "Yeah, it's _my_ turn" Rin said. "Real _funny_, Rin!" Sesshomaru yelled. "One more chance" Kagura said. Sesshomaru drew a sword and slashed Kagura with it. "What a feeble attack, drawing a blue line on me" she taunted. She was instantly off on her feather. "I _hate_ when I draw the wrong sword" he said. Rin darted for Sesshomaru yelling "are you all right?" "That's a stupid question to ask, Rin!" Jaken remarked, only to be pelted with a rock afterwards. "What was _that_ for, me lord?" Jaken asked. "I didn't blame Rin for asking that question. That wasn't a stupid question!" Turning to Rin, Sesshomaru said "yes, I am fine. Now that we've lost them, I'll have to track them by scent." Jaken asked "like your brother does?" Sesshomaru unloaded some sarcasm with "no, like my aunt and my wife's uncle Louie! _YES_, LIKE MY BROTHER!"

Sniffing the ground, Sesshomaru said "I'm getting the whiff of some unknown substance. This scent is like a cross between shit and…beans." The scent, being gasoline, truly was unknown to them. Jaken sniffed and said "this is truly beneath you, me lord. You are the son of the great dog demon, yet, you're on the ground sniffing like your brother." "Whom is _also_ the son of a great dog demon" Sesshomaru replied, "although I also think he's the son of a--." "Sit!" Rin shouted. After plowing down, he groaned "my apologies, Rin." Rin gave Sesshomaru a very nasty look. "I…uhh…see your point, me lord" Jaken said. Sesshomaru said "yes. Since we lost the wheel tracks, I have to find another way of tracking them. Now, if you don't mind…" and he resumed his sniffing. He took a big whiff and said "I don't know what this scent is, but I'm getting dizzy for some reason." As the gasoline fumes overwhelmed him, he flopped back and went swirled-eyed. "Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin yelled as she cradled her temporarily fallen master, followed swiftly by Jaken. At Naraku's castle, Naraku asked "you did _what_?" Kagura replied "I gave him another chance. He said 'I _will_ bring down my brother, I won't fail you'." "Kagura…" Naraku said. Kagura said "What is it?" "That imitation was pathetic" Naraku replied. "Well, I'm not a comedian" Kagura said.

* * *

Back in the speeding car, Kagome said "we're closing in on a village." Sango yelled "over there! The village is under attack!" They looked and saw a massive tiger demon slaughtering villagers left and right. "Kagome, drop the roof" Sango said. "I'm on it" Kagome said. She stopped the car and retracted the roof. "We'll go ahead of you guys to slow down this demon" Sango said. As Kirara transformed and leapt out of the vehicle, Sango got her Hiraikotsu and jumped on with Miroku (in borrowed handcuffs). "Come on, Sango…" Miroku complained. "I'll let you out when we get to the demon" she said. Kagome, meanwhile, re-extended the roof and floored the gas pedal. A villager saw the car and said "another demon! All is lost!" Sango yelled "that thing's with us, it's not a demon and means no harm." Another villager said "all already _was_ lost with that tiger, you idiot!" The first villager said "my mistake."

The car charged down on the tiger only to stop. "InuYasha, take the wheel" Kagome said. InuYasha said "what? I've never maneuvered this thing before! What makes you think I know how to do this?" Kagome said "okay, get in the seat, I'll give you a quick walk-through." InuYasha got in the seat, fastened the seat belt and said "okay, what do I do?" "These pedals down here…use only your right foot. This vertical one is the gas pedal, this makes the car move; its horizontal brother, called the brake pedal, applies a stopping force. The wheel in front of you turns the car." She turned the wheel to full left and then to full right to show the limits of travel. Pointing out the shifter, she said "this controls how the car moves. Now, it's next to the 'P' to hold it in place without holding your foot on the brake pedal. Move it to the 'D' to go forward and next to 'R' to go backwards." Kagome then retracted the roof and stood up in the passenger seat. "Okay, foot on brake, shift to 'D' position" she said. InuYasha complied and Kagome said "let's go!" InuYasha floored the gas, catching Shippo off guard.

Sango, meanwhile, looked and saw something she had never expected. "Miroku, look" she said. Miroku looked down and saw InuYasha driving the car. Sango said "he never told us he knew how to drive that thing." Miroku said "well, we're coming up on our target." Sango said "right." Leaping up, she flung her weapon and yelled "Hiraikotsu!"

TO BE CONTINUED...


	12. Back to Kaede's: Return of Souten

The Hiraikotsu soared towards the tiger demon. The tiger was hit at the shoulder, but was relatively unscathed. The Hiraikotsu swung back around towards Sango and Miroku. She caught her weapon and started to undo the handcuffs on Miroku. Without her seeing it, the tiger instantly lunged at her, roaring loudly. "Sango, look out!" Miroku yelled. Unfortunately, Sango was hit. Kirara saw this and started attacking the tiger. Miroku was in shock. "Sango!" he yelled. He made his way down to the unconscious demon slayer. Kirara had a look of worry as well.

Meanwhile, on the ground, a car horn was being repeatedly honked. "Move it! Move it! _Will you people move_?" InuYasha yelled as he took the car through the midst of the village. Shippo looked up and saw something. "Kagome, Sango has been struck down" he yelled. "InuYasha, turn on the trail coming up on your right" Kagome commanded. "I'm on it" InuYasha replied. Turning onto the trail, Kagome saw the tiger demon and a familiar purple-ish glow. Kagome said "well it's the first time I've shot an arrow from a moving vehicle, but here goes." The arrow was off. Honking the horn more, InuYasha yelled "move your butts, people!"

Back on a village building's roof, Miroku was trying to tend to Sango when he saw an arrow streak over him and towards the tiger. The tiger was about to strike Miroku, when the arrow hit. Miroku thought "excellent shot, the tiger has lost its jewel shards." A familiar horn was heard below him as the car sped by. "Kirara, get me to that car!" the monk yelled. The big kitty got Miroku and darted for the speeding vehicle. "InuYasha, Kagome, combine an arrow and the wind scar!" he yelled. "I'm a little busy right now!" InuYasha replied. "Well, stop the car, first!" Miroku commanded.

InuYasha slammed the brake pedal to the floor. Shippo immediately felt the seat belt dig into him big time. Kagome had to grab the top of the windshield to keep from flying forward. "InuYasha!" she yelled. After stopping the vehicle and shifting into park, InuYasha and Kagome exited the vehicle Dukes of Hazzard style. An arrow was readied and Tetsusaiga was drawn out. Kagome shot the arrow as InuYasha swung the sword and yelled "WIND SCAR!" The combo attack raced at the crippled tiger, causing it to disintegrate. The jewel shards remained intact. They all headed for Sango, whom was still up on a village building's roof. Miroku said "Sango, are you okay?" Sango opened her eyes and said "that tiger bought it." Noticing their looks of concern, she said "I guess you guys bought it, too." Miroku said "yes, you sure had _us_ fooled." Sango warned the villagers "you must bury this demon and give it prayers. Otherwise, the spirit of it will terrorize the village." InuYasha looked at where the demon was and said "I don't think there's anything left _to_ bury." Sango looked for herself and said "HOLY SHIT! Well, if there _are _any remains found, bury them."

* * *

Back with Sesshomaru, Rin was trying to fan the fumes away. Finally, he was starting to come around. "You okay, Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin asked. "Yes, I'm fine" Sesshomaru said. "Ah-Un, take us that way" he commanded as he pointed in the last known direction the car was heading. After mounting the two-headed beast with Rin and Jaken, Ah-Un was off. Back with Kagome, everyone was getting in the car. "We'd better head back to Kaede's" she said. Soon, the sports car tore out of the village and was on its way.

Some distance away, a familiar girl was walking along with a red dragon at her side. "Souten, what are we doing here, anyway?" the dragon asked. "We're going to see Shippo" she replied, "and we're investigating these rumors of another InuYasha in existence." Koryu asked "another InuYasha?" Souten replied "is there an echo in the forest?" They then heard something approaching. They heard a most unusual roaring sound. Souten noticed a large red object moving on its own. "What the heck?" she said. Koryu said "a demon cart…assuming those large round things _are_ wheels." Souten said "it's a possibility, but I'm not sure." She then noticed the yellow text on the side that read "InuYasha II." "InuYasha II?" she wondered. Koryu then remarked "well, I guess that confirms the rumors." Souten said "I'm not sure that this is the one." "What do you mean?" Koryu asked. "Although it confirms _some_ of those rumors, the others are of a half-breed dog demon that looks identical to InuYasha" Souten replied. She then saw a familiar form in one of the car windows. "Shippo?" she wondered. She thought for a bit and then said "Koryu, we need to find a way to stop that metal demon." Holding up a water bag, Koryu asked "how about this?" "Perfect" Souten said, "now we just need to get ahead of that thing again." Koryu said "I can get us ahead of that thing in cloud mode. You just ride on top." Souten replied "let's do that." So, off Souten went on Koryu in cloud mode.

* * *

Later, Souten was ready with the water balloon. "Okay, Koryu, you know what to do" she said. As the vehicle approached, Koryu waited. Souten let the water balloon go flying. The balloon hit the bumper of the car, and the car came to a sudden stop. Koryu darted out in front of the stopped vehicle and lay down. Inside the car, InuYasha asked "what the hell did we hit?" Kagome said "I'm not sure." Putting the car in Park, she got out saying "I'll check it out." She went around the front and saw Koryu lying on the ground. "Holy crap, are you okay?" she asked. Shippo came out asking "what's going on, Kagome?" He was taking a drink of cola as he came around the front. He saw who it was and sent a mouthful of cola all over the place. "Koryu, is that you?" he asked. Koryu pretended to come around and muttered "Shippo." Kagome had a look of worry in her eyes. "Koryu, how'd you get here?" she asked. The dragon replied "I flew."

InuYasha, still in the car, leaned over and started honking the horn. Kagome turned and looked. "What's going on, Kagome?" he asked, honking a few more times afterwards. "SIT, BOY!" Kagome yelled. InuYasha was then slammed down into the horn. "CAN'T YOU SEE THIS POOR DRAGON IS HURT?" Kagome shouted. "No, I'm not" Koryu replied. Nonetheless, InuYasha got out of the car to look. "Holy shit!" he yelled. Souten came out of the bushes saying "I saw the whole thing. Koryu wasn't what you hit." Kagome said "then what _did_ I hit?" "Take a look at the…uhh…front end…bar" Souten replied, indicating the bumper. Kagome looked and saw an expended water balloon stuck to it as well as a wet smear all around the balloon. "Look, Kagome, a water balloon" InuYasha said. Kagome gave InuYasha a look as she said "thank you, Captain Obvious." Turning to Souten, she asked "where'd that balloon come from?" Souten replied "I threw it at that thing. Apparently I'm a good shot." InuYasha yelled "WHY THE HELL DID YOU--?" "Sit, boy. I'll handle this" Kagome said. Turning back to Souten, she yelled "WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?"

Shippo yelled "SANGO, INUYASHA IS CUSSING!" "I am _not_" InuYasha barked. "He said a bad word!" Shippo yelled. "InuYasha, what's going on?" Sango asked, "are you cussing in front of Shippo again?" Shippo then said "yeah, he said 'hell' and 'damn'!" "I DID _NOT_ SAY 'DAMN'!" InuYasha barked. Shippo turned to InuYasha and said "_now_ you did." Sango asked "aside from who said what, why are we cussing?" Miroku got out saying "this is easily explainable, Sango. Everyone's a little ticked at what Koryu and Souten did just now." As Miroku was speaking, his hand was all over her rear. After slugging the monk, Sango said "you're such a fucking pervert!" Shippo said "I _knew_ that was a bad idea, Miroku."

Kagome then asked more calmly "why did you throw that balloon?" Souten replied "I had to speak with Shippo." Shippo said "what do we need to talk about?" Souten replied "Shippo, after you left that time we were battling for those crayons, I wondered why you just forfeited the battle." Just before Shippo answered, Souten said "there's also something I wanted to get off my chest. This is a little hard to admit, but…" and she pulled Shippo into a massive kiss. Shippo, not expecting this, was highly surprised. The rest of them looked on in amazement. InuYasha said "HOLY SHIT!" After the kiss, Shippo said "Wow that was one kiss I will never forget." Kagome said "I never expected this!" Even Koryu was surprised. "Souten, what are you thinking?" Koryu asked. Souten said "Koryu, there's no sense in denying it. I'm in love with Shippo." Shippo said "WHAT? You are in love with me? Wow."

Kagome said "um, I'd hate to break up this love fest, but we have to get going." Shippo said "we will go to your area in three days." Souten replied "I'll be waiting" and gave Shippo another big kiss. InuYasha said "how many more kisses is she going to give him?" "InuYasha…" Kagome began. InuYasha had a worried look when Kagome said "shit, boy!" InuYasha instantly broke out in laughter. Kagome said "wait a minute, that's not what I wanted to say!" With that, Kagome and the others piled back into the car and resumed their journey, InuYasha cackling all the way.

* * *

Later, they arrived at Kaede's village. "InuYasha, it wasn't _that_ funny!" Kagome yelled. "Sure it wasn't" InuYasha taunted. Both he and Miroku were doubled over as they got out.


	13. Warning: oversit

Kaede came out of her hut. Seeing the monk and half-demon laughing their heads off, she wondered what was so funny. "What's so funny?" she asked. Kagome looked at Kaede, saying "I mis-spoke the necklace command, and they found the way I spoke it to be hilarious." "What was said, my child?" Kaede asked. InuYasha jumped in and, in his best falsetto, said "InuYasha…shit, boy!" His near-perfect match of Kagome's voice really got Kagome's goat. Kaede, meanwhile, had to fight to contain her laughter. Although Miroku and InuYasha were laughing, Sango was ticked.

Kagome had finally reached her critical level. "InuYasha, SIT, BOY!" she yelled. InuYasha was flung into the ground, and Kagome started belting out in mile-per-minute speech "sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit-sit…" InuYasha appeared to be in an almost continuous downward motion into the ground as the necklace jolts were sounding like amplified automatic gunfire. Miroku was now scared out of his mind. Now, it was Sango's turn to be doubled over in laughter. "Presenting the InuYasha pile driver 2000" she proclaimed.

* * *

Kagome finally finished out her round of sit commands and found InuYasha to not even be there anymore. "InuYasha, you there?" she asked, "stop playing around." With the lack of a reply, she began to worry. "What have I done?" she thought. Upon going over to where he was, she noticed that there was now a 500-foot deep hole, as though drilled out with a massive auger. "InuYasha!" she desperately called. She whipped out a flashlight and found what looked like a tiny red dot at the bottom. "Sango, I need some ropes, fast!" she yelled.

After the ropes were found, Kagome tied one of them onto her waist. "Please tell me I didn't kill him" she thought to herself. "Why not see if Kirara can dig the hole bigger so we can find him?" Miroku suggested. Kagome thought for a moment and said "I'll think about it." Looking back down the hole, she yelled "INUYASHA, CAN YOU HEAR ME?" A moment later, she heard a distant-sounding pop noise from the bottom followed by a continuous whooshing sound. The sound appeared to be getting closer as a pyrotechnic-looking green light was seen soaring rapidly to the top, leaving a smoky trail behind in the process. The luminous orb left the hole and started coming back down around 17 feet above them. When the sequence repeated itself twice, Kagome knew what was going on. "I think those were flares" she said. Miroku said "at least we know he's alive and well."

Kagome had tied all the ropes end to end and tossed the pile to Sango. "Lower me down" Kagome said. With Sango and Miroku holding the rope, Kagome slowly descended into the hole. She pointed the flashlight down and saw the same tiny red dot. "I'm coming down for you, InuYasha!" she called. After a while, the surface was starting to appear as only a tiny point of light. "I hope he's not injured" she thought. Kagome looked down again and saw that the red dot had increased in size slightly and had some white details on it. "You okay, Kagome?" came Sango's voice. "I'm all right. I'm still worried that he's been injured, though" Kagome called up. After some more time Kagome finally recognized what she had been seeing at the bottom: InuYasha himself. "Yeah, he's here, all right!" Kagome called up.

Soon after, she finally reached the bottom. "Hold it there!" Kagome called up. She looked over InuYasha. His face appeared to be pressed into the bottom. "InuYasha, hang on" she said. She soon had him secured to the rope. "Take us up!" she yelled. Sango replied "okay, going up." Turning to Kirara, she said "pull the rope." As they were ascending, Kagome thought she should check InuYasha over some more. After a long ascent, the two finally made it to the surface. Miroku said "they're up."

* * *

Kagome saw InuYasha's cheeks appeared puffy. "Are you okay?" Kagome asked. InuYasha simply spat out a mouthful of dirt. "I'm fine, but does anyone have mouthwash?" he asked. Sango looked horrified when the mouthful of dirt was spat out. Miroku only looked as though he was about to puke. Kagome let out a shrill scream when she saw a worm start crawling out of one of InuYasha's nostrils. "Good grief, that's so gross" she whimpered. InuYasha joked "I hope I get over this cold soon." "ewwwww, InuYasha!" Kagome whimpered, only to yelp again when the worm started crawling into the other nostril. Her hand was shaking as she reluctantly started reaching for the night crawler. Shippo moaned and was suddenly trying to hold back a mouthful of vomit. Kagome grabbed the worm and yanked it out, throwing it aside in the same reflex. "That was so sick" Kagome whined. She then saw poor Shippo with puffed cheeks and hands clamped over his mouth. "What's Shippo's deal?" Sango asked. "I think he's going to hurl" Kagome replied. Grabbing an empty bucket, she said "here, Shippo." Shippo flung his head into the bucket and let loose the contents of his overturning stomach.

InuYasha was spitting out more chunks of dirt. Kagome, nearly having her own stomach overturn, thought "okay, I'll know not to shout the incantations like that again." InuYasha said "I hope you don't do that again, Kagome. I'm not exactly finding the dirt-and-worms diet too appealing." "EWWWWWWWW, That's so gross Inuyasha" Kagome said. Spitting out a large stone, he then remarked "it's the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced."

"Are you finished spitting out dirt, InuYasha?" Miroku asked. "No, just one last rock" InuYasha replied. He promptly spat it so that it hit Miroku where his legs met. "You fucking son of a--." "MIROKU!" Kagome shouted, "I didn't exactly blame him for doing that. He still needs to wash his mouth with something like water under pressure." A mental light bulb then illuminated in Kagome. "Hang on, I've got my super soakers" she said. Miroku, meanwhile, was still keeled over and still cussing. "Knock it off, monk!" Sango yelled. "Oh, screw you, Sango!" the monk snapped. "Kagome, could I borrow that necklace for a moment?" Sango asked. Miroku instantly shut up and started to run off. He tripped over the car and fell, yelling "damn it!" afterwards. "That fucking hurt!" "Enough, perverted monk" Kaede scolded. Kagome managed to get InuYasha's mouth scoured out with her super soakers and was now administering mouthwash. "Well, I must be heading to my era" Kagome said. InuYasha, spitting out the mouthwash in shock, asked "why are you going back to your era?" Some of the discharged mouthwash landed in Miroku's eye as he was about to cuss some more. The monk let out a loud scream as his eyes stung big time. Kagome said "well, the car needs a little work and--." She was interrupted by the monk body-slamming InuYasha to the ground. "Miroku, what are you--?" InuYasha asked. Miroku roared "you wanna try me? Huh?" Soon, a full blown one-sided brawl ensued. "How'd _you_ like a rock in the crotch?" Miroku yelled as he was beating the tar out of poor InuYasha. "Knock it off, Miroku!" Kagome yelled. "You tell _him_ that!" Miroku snapped back. Sango stepped in. "back down, Miroku" she said. Given the lack of effect, Sango opened an ice cold Coke and dumped it down the monk's back. Miroku froze and looked. "What was _that_ for, Sango?" he barked, "perhaps you should be next."

"Don't even think about it, monk" Sango warned, "I've got a Hiraikotsu, and I'm not afraid to use it. Now, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?" Miroku calmed down and said "sorry, guys. I guess I just snapped." "Twice" InuYasha remarked. "I'm still sorry" Miroku replied, "so, you were talking about your era?" Kagome replied "yes, the car needs some work and we're out of the sweets." She even tempted them with "I'll even bring back some…uhh…Krispy Kremes." InuYasha looked tantalized. "Krispy Kremes" he thought. As the others were enjoying lunch at Kaede's, InuYuasha was beneath a tree with Kagome. "Could I come with you?" he asked. Kagome said "unfortunately, not this time." "Aw, come on, Kagome" InuYasha whimpered. "Maybe next time" Kagome replied. InuYasha took a bite of a pear he had. "So, exactly how long will you be gone, Kagome?" he asked through a mouthful of food. "I'll be back tomorrow morning" Kagome said.

* * *

In Kaede's hut, Shippo said "Miroku, I've never seen that side of you before." Miroku said "join the club; we've got kimonos." His hand slowly reached over. Sango felt something and slapped the monk. Kagome then arrived back. "I see you're up to your usual tricks" she said. Sango said "gee, you think?" Kagome pulled something out of her pocket. "You'll probably need this when I'm gone. This is a tape recorder." Sango examines the device saying "what exactly does it do?" Kagome replied "if InuYasha tries any of his usual antics, you just press this button in the center. This button on the end should be pressed after the…spell…has been recited by this thing. This may work, but I don't know. I haven't done this with a tape recorder before. After the spell completes, you hit this double-arrow button to reset it for another round of the same spell." "Um…okay" Sango replied. InuYasha came in. "We'll be waiting for your return, Kagome" he said, promptly kissing her…_big time_…afterwards. Caught off-guard by the kiss, Kagome said "uhh…thanks." With that, she got into her car and sped to the well.


	14. Auto Mania: Kagome's School Picnic

Back in modern times, grandpa was strolling the grounds of the shrine. He was passing the well house when he heard his cordless phone ringing. Picking it up, he said "Higurashi shrine." Eri was heard saying "is Kagome there?" "She hasn't returned from Seattle just yet" grandpa replied, "I'll let her know--." He suddenly heard a horn with an engine sound coming from the well. "Hang on, she's just pulling in now" grandpa said. Sure enough, the red sports car came rolling out of the well, stopping just outside. Eri said "okay." Kagome got out of the car and saw her grandpa. "Something wrong, grandpa?" she asked. Grandpa handed the phone to her saying "Eri is on the phone."

"Yeah, Eri" Kagome said. Eri replied "Kagome, we were wondering when you were getting back from Seattle." Kagome said "hang on one second." Turning to her grandpa, she said "I guess you couldn't think of any diseases." Grandpa replied "actually, I'm swearing off the fake diseases. I'll stick to other cities with universities that you'd be touring." Beaming, Kagome said "that sounds a lot better than all these crazy diseases." "I leave the pictures to Sota combining Google Images with PhotoShop" grandpa said. "Good idea" Kagome replied. Getting back on the phone, Kagome said "okay. I just had a little urgent unpacking to do." Eri said "well, we don't blame you. Anyway, would you be interested in going to the school picnic today?"

Kagome replied "well, I don't know what might be going on around the house." Then, a strange voice came in with "please deposit ¥5 for the next ten minutes." Kagome rolled her eyes saying "Sota, get off the phone." The voice replied, with a giveaway giggle, "no, seriously, deposit ¥5 for the next ten minutes." Kagome and Eri simultaneously said "Sota, off!" Her brother laughed a little before hanging up. Eri said "come on, Kagome. There's going to be a raffle prize…" "I'm not interested in them" Kagome said. "…fun games…" "The prizes are cheesy" Kagome said. "…and even pizza from Palace of Pizzas." Kagome's watering mouth started toying with her at that moment. "Palace of Pizzas" she thought. "Oh, all right. I'll go" Kagome said, "I'll pick you guys up in a while." Eri said "you're serious? We're actually riding in your hot set of wheels?" "Yeah, I'll see you in a half-hour" Kagome replied.

"So, how's Yashey-Washey lately?" Eri asked. Kagome heard her other two friends giggling in the background. "why do you keep calling him 'Yashey-Washey'; his name is InuYasha" Kagome said. At Eri's house, the speakerphone was active as Eri replied "we can't help it. We call him 'Yashey-Washey' because it sounds cuter." Ayumi sighed romantically and said "Yashey-Washey." Yuka chimed in with "he's so dreamy." Kagome said "let me guess, I'm on speakerphone." Eri said "yes, you are" and giggled a little. "I'd hate to re-break it to you, but he's still my boyfriend" Kagome said. Eri said "I'd hate to re-break it to you, but we're still jealous." At the shrine, Kagome shook her head only to suddenly get a "eureka" look. "Well what about that other guy I introduced you to? Miroku" she said. Eri said "he's a little too fast." Yuka then added "actually, he was A LOT too fast." Eri said "anyway, we'll see you in a half-hour." "Okay" Kagome said. With that, the phone call ended.

* * *

Back in the feudal era, InuYasha was interpreting some cooking directions for Kaede as they were preparing frozen fries from Kagome's era. "Now, when this thing's miniature bell tolls" InuYasha said, "you remove the metal basket from the boiling oil." Kaede said "understood, InuYasha." Shippo and Sango were eyeing the tape player curiously. "I wonder what kind of spell Kagome has on here" Sango said. Shippo said "yeah, I'm anxious to hear the spell as well." Sango, shifted her Hiraikotsu over a little, saying "don't even think about it, monk." Miroku snapped his finger in despair and said "damn." Sango socked the monk in the chops and said, in a pissed tone, "I'm sorry, what did you say again?" Miroku said "I…uhh." "You said 'damn', didn't you?" Sango asked. Shippo said "yeah, he said 'damn' and 'hell'." Miroku said "I didn't say 'hell'!" Shippo replied "_now_ you did." Sango said "you're not helping.

Their conversation was interrupted by a soft "ding" noise. Kaede removed the basket of fries from the hot oil and looked at the fries. "InuYasha, how do they look?" she asked. InuYasha looked at the fries and said "excellent." Turning another direction, he yelled "GUYS, LUNCH IS READY!" Miroku, Sango, and Shippo came in and saw the beautiful fries. "These look good" Shippo said. Miroku and Sango said "a very nice aroma." InuYasha said "dig in." With that, he took two fries and stuck them in his upper lip so they poked out like long upper teeth. Clapping his hands (and barking) like a seal, he sent Miroku and Shippo into a fit of laughter. Sango, on the other hand was not amused. "InuYasha…" she said. "Yeah, what?" InuYasha asked. Sango hit the tape recorder's "play" button, and the tape played a recording of Kagome saying "sit, boy." The necklace flung InuYasha down into the ground. Sango hit "stop" and said "wow, that worked." InuYasha was in shock. "How was that possible?" he asked. Sango replied "I guess since it was Kagome who actually said it." "With a machine?" InuYasha asked. "It's still Kagome's voice" Sango replied. Rewinding the tape, she said "Kagome should be pleased when she returns." InuYasha said "that's not funny, Sango." Sango said "of course it's not. Kagome gave me this thing. She said that should you act up, I just press here, and…" the tape played "sit, boy" again, and InuYasha was flung again. Stopping the tape, Sango said "sorry, InuYasha." InuYasha got back up and mumbled "aw, man."

* * *

Back in modern Tokyo, Kagome's friends were overjoyed when they saw her car pull in. The top was down, so they all went out to meet her and vaulted into the car. "Nice leather, Kagome" Yuka said. With that, they were off. Eri said "so, how's that uber pervert friend of yours?" Kagome replied "he's okay, but still a pervert." Later, they were up at the school. "Kagome, that perverted friend didn't seem as bad as you made him out to be" Ayumi said. Yuka added "we thought he was some big-shot pimp." Eri whips out a picture saying "this is how we imagined him." The picture was of Miroku in a pimp suit with many girls caressing him (one of them rubbing one of her tits). Miroku was holding a champagne glass in one hand and had the other arm around another girl's waist. Next to him was some speech saying "I want you to have my children." Kagome was surprised. "This is what you thought he was like?" she asked. "Well, with the vague description you gave, we thought he was some kind of pimp" Eri replied. Handing the drawing back to Eri, Kagome said "don't let him or his lady friend see that, okay." "Why shouldn't his lady friend see this?" Yuka asked. Kagome said "she'll beat the living tar out of him because he truly is a womanizer." Ayumi remarked "a professional womanizer; interesting." Kagome said "he's not a professional. He's nothing more than a womanizer."

They then saw Hojo walk by in a huff. Kagome asked "what's Hojo's deal?" Eri said "well, someone's been anonymously calling his health food store and causing him to make a fool of himself. One caller asked for 'Maya Buttreeks' and another was for 'Amanda Huggenkiss'." Yuka said "yeah, I was there for that one. He shouted out 'phone call for Miss Huggenkiss! Everyone, I need Amanda Huggenkiss!' yet the way it sounded, it was like he said 'I need a man to hug and kiss!' the whole store was laughing out loud. Hojo made a death threat to this guy, but I doubted that it'd work." Kagome was trying not to laugh. "Amanda Huggenkiss" she giggled. Eri said "he was cool about it the first few times, but it started to get on his nerves."

Later, they were at the raffle table. "Kagome, you've got to enter into the raffle. You never know what the prize is until it has been won" Yuka said. Kagome said "I don't think so. Given the track record, it'll probably be an expensive cosmetics kit, a Neiman Marcus perfume, or a trip to the day spa." "But, Kagome--." Yuka said. "But nothing" Kagome said, "I don't need any of those things, so I'm not entering." Ayumi said "how about we get some of the pizza?" Kagome said "now you're talking." Yuka said "I'll find a place for us to sit." Kagome said "okay." Yuka started towards the seating area, only to pause as the other three got out of eyeshot. She then darted back for the raffle table. She filled out a raffle ticket, thinking "here we are. 'Kagome Higurashi', there." She then darted for the tables.

* * *

Back in the feudal era, Sesshomaru was next to a lake with Jaken. Rin had brought a lot of fruit for a picnic. "Okay, let's dig in" she said. Sesshomaru picked up a dish and was excited by what it contained. "Pasta" he beamed. He was eating the noodles and thought "perhaps I should swear off not eating human food." Jaken said "I've never had this kind of pasta before. This is great!" Sesshomaru replied, through a mouthful of noodles, "excellent choice, Rin." Rin replied, also through a mouthful of food, "well, the village leader said he had a major surplus of this pasta and asked me to take it off his hands." Jaken said "I'm so glad you accepted that, Rin." Sesshomaru said "perhaps after this picnic, we should resume our search for InuYasha." "Good idea, Lord Sesshomaru" Rin replied.

* * *

At the school picnic, Kagome and her friends were at the seating area. "This was an excellent spot, Yuka" she said. As Ayumi let out a big belch, Yuka said "that's why I picked it. I had a hard time determining which one was better." They were not aware that the place was actually a last-minute random pick. Kagome said "with the pizza and this table, I don't think this day could get any better." Yuka, however, was texting something to Ayumi and Eri under the table. Yuka and Eri each felt their phones vibrate and they looked at the message, which read "I put Kagome's name in the raffle." Kagome saw Yuka looking at something under the table. "What are you doing?" she asked through a mouthful of pizza. Yuka brought up some sodas "I was…just…checking the sodas" she said. Kagome said "well, I'd better be going." Eri said "come on, at least stay for the raffle drawing." Kagome was getting suspicious. She asked "are you hiding something from me?" An announcement came over the public address system. "Ladies and gentleman, your attention, please. We will be drawing the raffle winner in two minutes." Kagome was silent for a moment and asked "well?" Yuka looked at Eri, and Eri looked at Ayumi. Ayumi said "okay, I admit it, I'm in love with Inu--." "I know _that_ already" Kagome said. She asked "is there anything I _don't_ already know that you're hiding?" Eri said "I know what's going on." Kagome asked "did you put my name in--?"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, here to draw the raffle winner is our friendly science professor from the United States, Alex Derus." Kagome's science teacher came up to the stage. "Thank you all" he said. Kagome muttered "I'm still waiting for your answer, Eri." Eri said "well, uhh, ask Yuka." "Yuka?" Kagome asked. Yuka was under pressure. "Well…" she began. She promptly stuffed another slice of pepperoni into her mouth. The science professor turned the drum and drew a slip. "The winner is…" he began. Yuka was about to crack when Mr. Derus said "Kagome Higurashi." A spotlight immediately shone on her as the band was striking up some lively music. Yuka let out a relieved sigh as Kagome was standing in amazement. After waiting, she went towards the stage where Professor Derus was waiting in front of a large black curtain. She thought "Yuka, you're in deep shit when I'm done up here. You'll be the one with the lame cosmetics kit…after I empty its contents on the pavement." She got up on stage and said "Professor Derus, I didn't expect this." The professor replied "well, now that you're up here, I'll show you something else you, like everyone else out there, were in the dark about." Kagome, feigning excited anticipation, said "really?" "Yes" the professor replied, "you are the proud winner of…" the curtain slid back, causing Kagome's jaw to drop in amazement. "…A brand new luxury motorboat!" the professor said.

The crowd was cheering wildly. Yuka, back at the table, was drinking a soda, only to send the mouthful all over Ayumi. "What?" Yuka asked in amazement. Ayumi, in sarcasm, said "that's the craziest-looking cosmetics kit I've ever seen." As the professor handed the boat's keys to Kagome, she had a twitch on one side of her mouth. "Uhh…thanks" she said. Her anger at Yuka was gone. She was then handed the microphone. She cleared her throat, only to be startled by some sudden feedback. "Well…uhh…" she began, "I can't tell you how amazed I am at this. Given the track record of the past prizes, I was expecting something like a cosmetics kit or a trip to the day spa. This is truly amazing. I'd like to thank my friends Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi because without them, I would not have been here tonight to accept this wonderful speed boat." After another round of feedback, she said "I guess this sound system needs a little something." A male student in the audience yelled "date me, Kagome!" Kagome responded "sorry, I've got a boyfriend." The crowd let loose a mighty cheer, and professor Derus once again had the stage. "Kagome Higurashi, everyone" he said as she made her way back.

When she got back to the table, her friends were saying "holy crap, Kagome!" Ayumi said "and you thought it was cosmetics." Kagome then saw another familiar form come up to her. "Kagome, you're amazing" Hojo said. Yuka, unable to resist, asked "so, when can we have a ride?" "Yuka!" Eri said. "Thanks, Hojo" Kagome replied, "weren't you in a bad mood twenty minutes ago?" Hojo said "I was, but I'm over it now." Kagome said "well, that's good to hear." Hojo said "also, I wish you and whoever your boyfriend is the best of luck." Kagome said "thanks." She knew that there was more to do at the shrine now that she had a boat.

* * *

_Chapter 14 outside references/credits:_

_Crank phone calls inspired by The Simpsons __animated TV series produced and owned by 20__th__ Century Fox. No characters from this show are used in this story, Kagome's New Car, only an action from there._


	15. Kagome’s Boat and InuYasha’s Move

* * *

Back at the shrine, Kagome and her friends had arrived and were in her room talking. Kagome's mom asked "so, how was the picnic?" Kagome said "excellent. The pizza was so good." Yuka then said "Kagome won the raffle." Sota said "wow, I wonder what the prize was." At that moment, Kagome saw a pickup truck from the school pulling up the zigzag driveway of the shrine. The truck had the prize boat in tow. Kagome said "it's arriving now." They went outside.

The principal of the school greeted Kagome. "Congratulations, Miss Higurashi" he said. "Um, thanks" Kagome replied. Her science teacher said "we put our heads together and considered the university visits you were making recently. We've decided to give you 30 points extra credit." Kagome's friends were surprised tremendously. Kagome, too, was caught off-guard. "Thanks, Mr. Derus" she replied. At the back of the truck, the boat's trailer was starting to be unhitched. Grandpa asked "so, what's the fine prize Kagome won?" Professor Derus replied "well, it's being unhitched as we speak." All their eyes darted to the trailer. "Holy shit!" Grandpa said. "Wow" Sota said. Kagome's mom almost fainted. "That's neat" she said. "Good luck in your academics, Kagome" the professor replied. With that, both he and the principal were back in the truck and heading out.

* * *

Later that evening in the feudal era, everyone was asleep except for InuYasha. "I'll show _you_, Sango" he thought. He looked at Sango's sleeping area. Kirara was fast asleep next to Sango. The tape player was left out next to the area. InuYasha thought "this is too easy." He crept over. Without warning, Kirara groaned and lifted her head a little. InuYasha was petrified…until Kirara relaxed her head back down again. "That was freaking close" he thought. He grasped the tape player when Sango stirred a little. Her hand flew up into InuYasha's cheek. She mumbled "get your hands off my butt, monk." InuYasha put the player in his kimono and thought "good, at least she thinks Miroku is nearby." Slowly creeping to the entrance of the hut, InuYasha thought he was safe…until one of the boards creaked loudly. A nearby Shippo woke up. InuYasha thought "oh, crap." Shippo said "Inu--." His mouth was clapped over by InuYasha. "Don't let Sango know I'm taking a midnight stroll" InuYasha hissed. When Shippo nodded, InuYasha released him and resumed his walk to the entrance. Yet another board let out another loud creak. InuYasha spun around in alarm. Miroku simply mumbled "Sango, lay off on the beans." As InuYasha was getting the hairs on his neck to lay flat instead of stand on end, he turned back to the entrance and left the hut. He knew that he was in the clear.

After going deep into the woods, InuYasha knew it was safe. He got the tape player out and did a test by hitting play. Kagome's voice played back "sit, boy." The necklace activated, plunging InuYasha downward. After stopping and rewinding, InuYasha thought "okay, I think the tape was at the right part. At least I won't make the mistake of accidentally doing that to myself again." He poised the player and said "okay, here goes." Hitting "record," he promptly said "whazzup, brother! Hey, Sango, you can't make me sit anymore. Yarr-harr." He blew a raspberry and continued with "wait 'til Miroku hears that you think he's got a cute butt. Whoo-hoo!" He promptly hit "stop" and got back to the hut, rewinding the tape in the process. Stepping over the troublesome boards, he placed the player back at Sango's side positioned _exactly as it had been_.

* * *

The next morning, everyone was enjoying the day. Sango said "I can't wait until Kagome hears about her device's amazing performance of the sit command." InuYasha, hearing this, thought "Sango, you have no idea." Shippo was plotting something himself. Transforming into Kikyo, he mimicked Kikyo's voice, saying "InuYasha, at last, we're alone." InuYasha turned around and saw who he thought was Kikyo. InuYasha noticed Shippo's scent and then noticed the tattletale tail. "I know it's you, Shippo" he growled. Shippo thought "crap, he knew." InuYasha promptly hit Shippo, transforming him back in the process. "Ow!" Shippo yelled, "SANGO, INUYASHA HIT ME!" Sango arrived with tape player in hand. "InuYasha…" Sango began. InuYasha, quite convincingly, said "no, Sango, come on, it isn't fair!" He even had a convincing fearful look on his face. Sango hit "play" and almost fainted. InuYasha's voice played back with "whazzup, brother! Hey, Sango, you can't make me sit anymore. Yarr-harr." As the tape played back InuYasha's raspberry, Sango and Shippo were in shock. "_That_ doesn't sound like a sit command" Shippo thought. Sango thought "InuYasha must've tampered with this in the middle of the night." As Miroku was arriving, the taped InuYasha continued with "wait 'til Miroku hears that you think he's got a cute butt. Whoo-hoo!" Miroku promptly asked "a cute _what_?"

Sango spun around and noticed the monk. She hit "stop" in spite of there being nothing more to the recording, and said "Miroku, I thought you were back in the village." The actual InuYasha was trying hard not to laugh. Sango was blushing in embarrassment. "Why are you so red, Sango? Are you okay?" Miroku asked. "I'm just a little warm, that's all." InuYasha taunted "that's not true!" "True or not" Sango began, "I'm okay, but why aren't you still in the village?" Miroku said "I was reading the women's palms when a father of them appeared and sent me off with a death threat." Sango said "I knew you were up to no good." She turned to InuYasha and said "you're _dead_, InuYasha!" She pounced onto InuYasha's back, tackling him to the ground in the process. She was standing on his back shoving his head into the ground. "There's more than _one_ way to make you sit!" she spat. "Sango, you'd better get off or you're going to--." He was interrupted by a swift kick to where his legs met from Sango. "What was that again?" she asked sternly. She promptly gave him another groin kick. InuYasha looked at Miroku. "I could use a little help here" he squeaked at soprano level. InuYasha then looked desperately at Shippo as groin hit after groin hit was being inflicted. "YOU'RE NOT SITTING PROPERLY, INUYASHA!" Sango roared, shoving his head down further. He was screaming in pain. Fortunately, a familiar red car was approaching. "Ka…gome" InuYasha yelped. The car door opened and Kagome asked "Sango, what's going on?" Sango said "your tape actually worked…until InuYasha tampered with it." Turning back to the half-demon, she roared "there's more than _one_ way to make you sit!" "Sango, that's enough" Kagome said, "besides, I'm not mad." Sango promptly vaulted off InuYasha's back. InuYasha was back on his feet and ticked at Sango. Then again, he was in _very_ excruciating pain from the rapid-fire groin hits. "You'd better knock off these hits to this area" InuYasha squeaked, indicating where his legs met. "Sango, don't tell me you did that to him" Kagome said. Sango said "he also hit Shippo." "That was only because I transformed into Kikyo" Shippo said, "I must've made him mad." "Still, Sango" Kagome began, "I don't think you should've kicked him there." InuYasha moaned "repeatedly, I might add." "WHAT?" Kagome asked. Sango replied "crap."

Miroku said "Kagome, I'd like to ask you--." "I'm _not_ bearing your children!" Kagome yelled. "That wasn't what I had in mind" Miroku said. Kagome asked "what is it, then?" Miroku said "at the end of InuYasha's recording, Sango was heavily blushing, and I asked if she was all right." With that, he got the player, rewound the tape, and hit "play." InuYasha's voice played back "whazzup, brother! Hey, Sango, you can't make me sit anymore. Yarr-harr." He blew a raspberry and continued with "wait 'til Miroku hears that you think he's got a cute butt. Whoo-hoo!" When Miroku hit "stop," Kagome said "so it _must_ be true." Miroku was stunned. "What?" he asked. Kagome said "she's in love with you. That's why she's blushing." Sango spat "gee, thanks."


	16. InuYasha II’s Ears

Kagome said "well, I must get back to my time, as there's more to do on the car." InuYasha asked "is it okay if I come with you, Kagome?" "Why, InuYasha?" Kagome asked. "I can't stand another such sit command from Sango. Also, it's been a while since I saw your family." Sango said "I promise I won't do that to you." InuYasha said "sure you won't. After that first time, how do I know you _won't_ do it?" A sinister voice then replied "because maybe I'll do that for her, brother." They looked and saw Sesshomaru. InuYasha said "Sesshomaru, what are you doing here? If you won't answer, have a taste of my iron-reaver--!" The half-demon was interrupted by a pop sound as Sesshomaru seemed to transform into Shippo. InuYasha stopped in his tracks as the fox demon said "fooled you" and chuckled. InuYasha was very ticked. "Shippo!" he yelled. Shippo pleaded "wait, wait, I'm sorry, InuYa--!" Shippo was still slugged by InuYasha. "Kagome, InuYasha is picking on me!" Shippo yelled. Kagome replied "I don't think you should've transformed into Sesshomaru." Sango and Miroku agreed. Shippo said "I was only trying to shut InuYasha up." InuYasha said "still, that's not a very nice thing to do."

Later, Kagome had everything in the car. InuYasha pleaded "Kagome I want to go with you!" Kagome said "how about tomorrow afternoon we go to my world; just us two?" She leaned in and kissed InuYasha, saying "I promise I'll be back tomorrow morning with the work on the car completed." InuYasha said "okay, Kagome. I'll wait until tomorrow. Sango, _you'd_ better stay the heck--! Where'd she go?" Kagome giggled and said "I think they went to Kaede's hut." Kagome then gave InuYasha a very big tongue-packed kiss. After the kiss, InuYasha said "Kagome, what kind of kiss was that?" Kagome replied "that's the kiss of true love." With that, Kagome got in her car and headed for the well. InuYasha sat watching the car speed off. He thought "that was one heck of a kiss."

* * *

Some distance away, Sesshomaru asked "Rin, what exactly is this apparatus you stole from my brother's campsite last night?" Rin replied "an oddly-assembled scroll about this apparatus was with the mortal girl. I believe the scroll called this thing a telescope." Sesshomaru then peered through the device and saw the massive kiss InuYasha got from Kagome. "What the heck?" he wondered. Rin asked "what's going on, my lord?" Sesshomaru said "I'm able to see an incredible distance…and I saw my brother and the mortal girl kiss." He thought "InuYasha, you lucky dog, you." He then let Rin look through. Rin said "wow, I'm able to see the mortal girl getting into that demon cart." "Really? Let me see" Sesshomaru said. He looked through and said "holy crap." Jaken said "this device is amazing. You're able to look at something as though it were hundreds of yards closer. That was a nice bit of work you did last night, Rin." Rin said "well, it was a lot easier than taking fruit from a tree." After gazing on InuYasha for some time, Sesshomaru said "okay. I think we should make a move on him now." Rin packed up the telescope in its case and said "yes, my lord." They started to head that way when Sesshomaru stopped and ducked, screaming in the process. The car roared from the other side of the ridge at a high speed and was sailing over Sesshomaru's head. The car landed behind Sesshomaru and sped on towards the well. Rin said "maybe we shouldn't attack just yet." "How do you do this, Rin?" Sesshomaru asked, "how do you know what I'm about to request?" Rin replied "I just took a lucky guess, my lord."

In the car, Kagome thought "I hope InuYasha will be okay until tomorrow." She popped in a CD of modern romance music. She even sang with the CD "Kissy Kissy, makes me happy…" She thought of herself and InuYasha with this song. She arrived at the well, only to stop the car short of the opening. She began daydreaming.

* * *

She imagined herself and InuYasha (in a modern jet black tuxedo) at her prom. A slow dance song began playing from the CD at that moment. She pictured herself in a very gorgeous strapless sequin gown of the same shade of red as InuYasha's kimono. The flower on InuYasha's tuxedo was the same red shade as well. She was slow dancing with InuYasha when she asked "so, when Naraku is defeated, what do you want to do?" InuYasha replied "well, I was wondering how a Naraku II would look and what kind of vehicle--." "Maybe another day, InuYasha" Kagome replied, "I'm talking about between us." InuYasha said "well, I'd like to have a place of my own. I'd also want a part-time job in this era." Kagome said "now, I'll tell you what _I _want after Naraku." She gazed into his eyes. InuYasha was getting overwhelmed with a pleasurable feeling. He felt as though his weight were draining away. "What would it be?" he asked. Kagome leaned in a little and said "I'll show you." She came closer and closer. InuYasha started closing in as well. Soon, their eyes closed and their lips met. InuYasha felt a surge of pleasure spread all over him. He felt light as a feather. Kagome felt like she wanted to take InuYasha and give him the night of his life. Her heart burned with a desire to make passionate love.

Soon, the kiss ended. Kagome felt breathless. InuYasha had some desire himself. "That was wonderful" he said. Kagome added "it was also magical." The music ended and they returned to a table. InuYasha felt something in the tuxedo pocket. Upon looking at it, he remembered something. "Kagome" he said as she sat down, "I have something for you." Kagome looked curious. "What _do_ you have for me, InuYasha?" she asked. InuYasha replied "okay. Close your eyes." When she did, he got down on one knee. He got out the item, which was a ring in a box, and kept the box closed. He said "okay, open." Kagome gazed upon the closed box and had a feeling she knew what it was about. She heard her friend Eri from another table say "holy crap." She saw the other two were with Eri as well. "Guys, could you keep it down?" she asked. Ayumi said "sorry, Kagome, we just think he's going to pop the--." InuYasha said "Kagome…" and opened the box. "Will you marry me?" he asked. Kagome's friends were _very_ excited. Kagome was in shock. She turned to InuYasha and replied "yes, InuYasha, I will." Everyone was applauding. She and InuYasha kissed again.

* * *

Back out of the daydream, Kagome sighed and muttered "I love you, InuYasha." She then got into reality. Letting out a heavy sigh, she mumbled "maybe someday he'll ask me that question." She shifted back into drive and pulled towards the well. Up in a tree, Koga was in the branches above the path. "There's Kagome. I'll finally have my woman to myself _and_ without that intervening mutt" he thought. When the car was right under him, he leapt out of the branches. He saw the car continue moving and realized that he wasn't going to land on the car at all. "Oh crap" he thought, "I should've considered the motion of that thing." He hit the ground behind the car. Kagome saw Koga's gracefully done fall in the rearview mirror. "I have a feeling that Koga was trying to hitch a ride and _get_ hitched with me" she thought, "too bad, so sad, Koga." Koga looked at the car as it sped into the well and disappeared. "No" he gasped, "not her; not now!" He darted to the well and searched inside. Upon finding nothing, he was in deep despair.

In Kaede's village, Sango yelled "play ball!" InuYasha was at the bat with Kaede pitching. Others in the village were gathered to complete the teams. Kaede pitched and Sango caught the ball as InuYasha swung. "Strike one" Sango yelled. Another pitch and catch, and Sango yelled "strike two!" InuYasha thought "dang it." Kaede let the ball fly again. A crack from the bat and the ball was flying deep. InuYasha started running the bases, thinking "keep going, keep going…" Shippo was in left field going in for the catch. The ball left the outfield, and Sango yelled "HOME RUN!" InuYasha made it the rest of the way around the bases and slid into home plate.

* * *

He then saw a mini-tornado approaching. "Oh, not _him_ again" InuYasha muttered. Koga said "InuYasha, I bring tragic news." InuYasha asked "what do you mean, Koga?" Koga, almost crying, said "the woman Kagome, she committed suicide. She took her contraption into an upturned well at a very high speed. I couldn't stop her since she was moving too quickly. There was no trace left." InuYasha thought "he only witnessed her departure through the time barrier. Still, I've got to act upset." InuYasha said "I should've done something. Are you sure that's what happened, Koga?" Koga replied "yes, I am certain." InuYasha simply thought of his saddest experience to force tears to come. "Oh, man" he sobbed as a tear rolled down his cheek. Grabbing Koga, he sobbed "Kagome." Koga, convinced by InuYasha's phony sadness, said "oh, InuYasha, I think that, in honor of Kagome's memory, I should hand over my jewel shards to you." InuYasha said "well, I think Kagome's wish would be for me to gather the jewel shards and defeat Naraku. I think Kagome would want that." As InuYasha kept sobbing convincingly, Koga removed all four of his shards. "Then consider this my contribution" he said as he handed InuYasha his shards. "Don't worry, Koga. We'll also bring revenge for you and your comrades" InuYasha replied.

Koga turned his back, and InuYasha motioned for Sango, Miroku, and Shippo to follow his lead. Shippo simply wailed "oh, Kagome's gone forever!" Sango acted very grieve stricken and started sobbing as she clutched Miroku. Koga turned back around and said "InuYasha, if you need my assistance, let me know." "We most certainly will, Koga" Miroku replied. Koga then went into the distance. A man from the village said "we must prepare a funeral." Koga was then out of earshot, and InuYasha held his hand up. "He fell for that hook, line, and sinker" InuYasha said, "she only went to her world." As the rest of the village started laughing, Miroku said "he was such a fool to believe that Kagome committed suicide." InuYasha remarked "wait until Kagome comes back to hear _this_. I even swindled his shards off him without even trying." Sango looked at the shards in amazement. Shippo said "wow, I can't believe we got that many shards from Koga."

* * *

Back in the modern era, Kagome's car raced out of the well as Kagome parked by the house. Sota was waiting. Hey, sis" he said, "I found a blueprint drawing of yours here." Kagome looked and said "that's the blueprint for some ear fins I'm hoping to make for the car." Sota said "I think I may be able to fabricate and paint them." When she heard that, Kagome said "thanks, Sota." With that, Kagome and Sota set to work on making the ear fins. After some bending, cutting, and welding, the fins were ready for painting. Kagome painted the backs of the fins the same white as the backs of InuYasha's ears, with the other side being painted pink. The mounts for the ears were ready at the top of the windshield of the car. Once the mounts were good, the ear fins simply twist-locked into place. "Man, that's so neat" Kagome said, "they look even better than I imagined." Sota said "we also got done just in time, sis." Kagome's mom was heard shouting "dinner's ready!" "Coming!" Kagome replied.

At dinner, grandpa said "Kagome, I managed to pick up a trailer hitch for your car." "Thanks, grandpa" Kagome said. Buyo was pawing at the red tie on Kagome's uniform. "Buyo" Kagome said, "leave that alone. I'll let you have something later." Buyo got back down and rolled over. Sota said "something's different about dinner tonight." Kagome's mom simply brought in a bag from WacDonald's. Kagome asked "what's the occasion, mom?" Her mother said "well, with the American universities you've been touring lately, I figured we'd have the kind of dinner available there." Grandpa said "I was only making them up as excuses while she was in the feudal era." Her mom replied "I knew that." She then held up a photo of Kagome in front of the Space Needle in Seattle and said "I figured I'd add a touch of realism to the excuses, like Sota is with the Photo Shop."

* * *

In the feudal era, InuYasha was back where he and Kagome had kissed. He was gazing at the clouds. He imagined himself and Kagome after Naraku's defeat. He was proposing to Kagome and they were wed. Soon after, some changes to Kagome were being noticed. "Kagome, are you okay?" he asked. Kagome said "yes, we are, InuYasha." "We?" he asked in a puzzled tone. She grabbed InuYasha's hand and placed it on her stomach. "We've got a little one on the way?" he asked. Kagome replied "yes. You're the proud father of a ¼-demon." InuYasha was amazed. He then heard a voice behind him say "congrats, brother." He turned and was surprised. "Sesshomaru?" he wondered. Sesshomaru replied "yes, brother. This offspring will be very interesting. A ¼-demon fathered by you."

"Where's that girl you hang out with, Sesshomaru?" InuYasha asked. Sesshomaru replied "She went elsewhere, although I'm not sure why." Rin then arrived back appearing to have a rounded stomach. She was holding the bottom of it, too. InuYasha looked freaked. "Um, Sesshomaru" he said. Sesshomaru looked at Rin and figured she was playing house. "Don't worry, brother, I think I know what's not going on." InuYasha continued looking as Sesshomaru playfully asked "so, when's the expecting mother due?" Rin let go of what appeared to be her stomach. Instantly, a small puppy fell from under her robes. InuYasha's jaw dropped. Sesshomaru looked scared and was saying "I swear to god, it isn't mine! I was going to wait until she was older." "Sesshomaru" Rin said, "it's only a stray puppy." InuYasha, having not heard Rin, was freaking out still. Kagome was trying to calm him down. Grabbing his hand, she said "here, feel this." She rubbed InuYasha's hand on her stomach. InuYasha was calm at last when he heard another voice say "InuYasha." He snapped out of his daydream saw Miroku. "Hi, Miroku, I didn't see you there" InuYasha said. "InuYasha, you're up" Miroku said as he handed over a baseball bat. InuYasha took the bat and complied.

* * *

In the modern era, Kagome was attaching the trailer hitch to the back of the car. She had finished and said "now all I need to do is paint the boat." With that, she painted the boat the same shade of purple that Miroku's robes were. After adding a stripe, she painted gold text that read "Miroku II" and said "now all I need to do is wait for the paint to dry."


	17. InFluYasha

Later that evening in the feudal era, Miroku and InuYasha had caught many fish and were cooking them. Miroku said "that ball game was excellent. You won 5-3. We ought to do that more often." InuYasha said "true, but the jewel shards made it even better. Koga is such a sucker." He then sprinkled a liquid onto his fish, which caused huge flames to momentarily flare up from it. Miroku said "warn me when you do that." Shippo asked "what kind of liquid did you have?" InuYasha said "it's a special liquid called alcohol. This stuff is like flammable sake." Shippo said "wow." Sango asked "won't you still taste the alcohol?" InuYasha said "no, the alcohol actually fuels the flare-up. The stuff has already been consumed." Miroku asked "is the food ready?" InuYasha said "stand by." He got out a digital meat thermometer and stuck it in the fish. After taking the temperature reading, he said "we're good."

As they were eating, InuYasha stuck two leftover fries under his upper lip. He then clapped his hands and made seal noises. Miroku and Shippo were falling over in laughter. Sango rolled her eyes and said "InuYasha, you are so immature." She got two of her own fries and said "besides, _this_ is how you do it." She stuck her fries under her upper lip and did the seal impression. The other three were rolling around laughing (InuYasha with his fries still wedged in). InuYasha managed to stop laughing long enough to actually eat his fries. Sango stopped the seal imitation and ate her fries.

* * *

In the modern era, Kagome was beating the virtual tar out of Sota on her Wii's boxing game. Grandpa said "I play winner." Sota said "I think that's going to be Kagome. She's already beating the shit out of me." "SOTA, LANGUAGE" her mother yelled from another room. "Sorry" Sota replied. Sota's virtual avatar eventually went down, and Kagome got grandpa's virtual avatar up. Soon, the boxing match began. Grandpa didn't take any damage as he sent Kagome down for the virtual count real quick. Kagome was in shock by the time the match was over. She looked at her grandpa's avatar, and then looked over at her grandpa and said "holy crap, grandpa." "Anyone else?" he asked. Kagome's mom said "OK, old man, I'll fight you."

In the feudal era, Sango had just finished baking a pastry. "Dessert's ready" she said. Shippo jumped onto Sango's shoulder and said "what kind is it?" Sango said "it's strawberry." InuYasha's mouth was watering a lot. "Strawberry" he muttered. Sango felt Miroku's hand on her rear. She lifted her foot and kicked back. Instantly, the Monk keeled over in a soprano-pitch moan. InuYasha was laughing his head off. "That's what you get, monk" he and Sango simultaneously said. Shippo also added "maybe you should think before you do that, monk." Miroku let out another moan as he rolled over and then said "I can't help it." InuYasha said "I've got a little secret for you, Miroku." Miroku leaned in, and InuYasha let out a loud belch. "Would you knock it off?" Miroku asked. "No, I don't think he will stop, Miroku" Sango said.

Later that night, as everyone was asleep, Sesshomaru was on the prowl. "Now is a good opportunity" he said. Rin asked "will you need any assistance, my lord?" Jaken said "I don't get why you would ask such a stupid question." Sesshomaru said "that wasn't a stupid question. I may require you to pin that fox down, Rin. Jaken, you keep the others at--. Oh, hi, brother, I didn't know you'd be out so late." Inuyasha responded "well I am, Sesshey, so what are you planning to do now?" Sesshomaru, said "don't call me Sesshey!" InuYasha whipped out Tetsusaiga and said "just try it, whatever it is." Sesshomaru replied "TIME TO DIE, INU--!" "Sit, lord" Rin said. As he slammed down, Sango and the others awoke in the hut. Sesshomaru shouted "WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT, RIN!" Rin said "just because you're taking him out, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE SO FUCKING LOUD! Others are sleeping."

Sango heard that and thought "InuYasha needs help." Getting the Hiraikotsu, she said "Miroku, Shippo, let's go." Sesshomaru heard them and thought "crap, we need to retreat and come back another night." He was instantly hit by the flying Hiraikotsu. "Leave him the fuck alone, Sesshomaru!" Sango said. Sesshomaru shouted back "FUCK YOU, I DIDN'T DO SHIT TO HIM." Miroku asked "then what was with your 'time to die, InuYasha'?" then Sesshomaru replied "well it was interrupted by Rin's sit command. Still, I didn't do anything. Right, Jak--? Where'd he go?" InuYasha lept onto Sesshomaru, saying "try me!" Sesshomaru yelled "hey, no fair tickling!" A few minutes after, Sango had another tape ready. "InuYasha…" she said. She hit play, only to hear a male voice from the speaker singing "I'm too sexy for my shirt; too sexy for my shirt; so sexy, it hurts." She immediately hit stop, but InuYasha took over with "'cause I'm a model, if you know what I mean…" Sesshomaru said "this is stupid, I'm going. Until next time, brother." As Sesshomaru left, InuYasha kept singing "I'm too sexy for my--." "Shut it!" Sango said.

* * *

The next morning in the modern era, Kagome had just finished a nice breakfast. Packing sodas and a cooler of ice into the trunk, she noticed the glint of the chrome on the trailer hitch. "InuYasha will be so excited to see me" she thought. In the feudal era, Miroku was looking at the sunrise on an exceptionally beautiful day. Sango joined him and said "this is so beautiful. Sunny day, not a cloud." InuYasha was heard saying "_sure_, it's beautiful." After he scoffed, Sango went in. InuYasha was still lying in his area of the hut. He let out a groan that had Sango a little concerned. "Are you okay, InuYasha?" Sango asked. InuYasha replied "I wish I was."

He suddenly had his hand over his mouth as his cheeks puffed. Sango thought "oh, man, he's going to hurl." Shippo shouted "don't worry, Sango, I got a bucket for InuYasha!" When he was handed the bucket, he threw his head into it and threw up. Sango almost cringed Miroku said "let's get InuYasha to lay back down." "PLEASE, NOT A SIT COMMAND!" InuYasha pleaded. Sango said "don't worry, InuYasha, just lay back down and rest. Okay?" As he lay back, Sango felt his forehead. "You're burning up" she said. InuYasha groaned in pain. Shippo said "Sango, you get to the well. Miroku and I will tend to InuYasha." Sango agreed and was off. "I'll only be around ten minutes" she said. InuYasha grabbed the bucket. Shippo got back in with an empty bucket just in time to see InuYasha hurl into the first bucket. Miroku thought "poor InuYasha." He then said "if I don't get out of this hut soon, I'm going to need that bucket." He went outside and waited.

* * *

At the well, Sango saw the car emerge. Kagome rolled down the window. "Sango, where's InuYasha?" she asked. Sango said "he's back at Kaede's hut." Kagome unlocked the car doors and had Sango get in. Sango said "he wasn't exactly able to come out to the well." Kagome asked "is he hanging out with Kikyo behind my back again?" Sango said "no, he's not. His health is a little wonky." Kagome instantly pinned the gas pedal to the floor. Sango was pressed into the seat by the acceleration. "Are you nuts, Kagome?" she asked. Noticing a concerned look on Kagome's face, Sango said "we're watching out for him, though. Miroku and Shippo are watching him as we speak." Kagome said "thanks for watching him for me. I'm just worried for him now." The car sailed off a hill, sending Sesshomaru diving for cover again. "Dang blasted demon cart!" he yelled. He then noticed that he landed in a bowlful of peaches. "Oh, man, peach stains" he moaned. Despite this, Rin and Jaken were laughing a little. "Ah, shut up" Sesshomaru barked as he slopped the two of them with the smashed peach goo.

* * *

At Kaede's hut, the car was arriving. InuYasha heard the vehicle and said "Kagome's here." He started to get up, when Shippo said "don't move." Too late, as InuYasha suddenly lay back and grabbed the bucket. Outside, Kagome asked "Miroku, what's going on with InuYa--?" She suddenly heard him retching from in the hut. "…sha" she finished. Miroku turned and asked "did he try to get up again?" Shippo said "yeah, he did." InuYasha moaned "Kagome" and hurled again. Kagome gasped "InuYasha" and rushed in. She saw him holding the bucket. As he gazed up at her, he said "Kagome, you're probably the most welcome sight I've seen all morning." Kagome replied "I think I've got some white soda to help your stomach, as well as some saltine crackers." Shippo, perplexed by this, asked "how's that going to help him?" Kagome said "it should settle his stomach. I'll then be able to give him medication from my time." Kagome got the soda ready and got to InuYasha's side. Opening the can, saying "here, InuYasha" she said. She propped him up and poured the soda in his mouth. She also removed the necklace. "Why is Kagome removing the necklace?" InuYasha thought. Kagome used her free hand to feel his forehead. "My goodness, you're burning up" she said.

After the soda was administered, Kagome laid InuYasha back down and said "now just take it easy while your stomach cools down." Shippo then came in with a big stack of buckets. The stack was a little taller than he was. "More buckets, Kagome." Kagome replied "I don't think we'll need that many buckets, Shippo." Shippo simply set the stack down and looked on. Shippo said "well, I hope Naraku doesn't show up." Miroku said "Sesshomaru, either." Shippo asked "do you think Koga would come?" Sango replied "I doubt that." Kagome almost dropped the remaining sodas. "What do you mean, Sango?" she asked. Miroku said "I'll explain that to her, Sango." InuYasha, hearing this, was starting to snicker a little. Kagome asked "what's so funny?" Miroku said "I'm about to explain that. Don't say anything, InuYasha. If you do, I'll break my fucking foot off in your fucking ass!" Sango chided "Miroku." Kagome put the necklace on Miroku and said "sit, monk." After plowing the monk into the floor, InuYasha was laughing his head off. "You got busted" he said. Miroku got up and said "I meant to say that Koga thinks you're dead, Kagome." Kagome asked "why would Koga think I'm dead?" Miroku replied "InuYasha, shut it!" InuYasha said "okay" and stopped laughing.

Miroku then said "Koga apparently witnessed your entering the well. Since he is unaware of the world on the other side, he believed that you had crashed your vehicle in an act of suicide." Kagome asked "how stupid could Koga be?" Shippo said "he even gave us all four of his jewel shards." Kagome said "what?" InuYasha said "it's true. He came to break the 'news' to us. I simply thought of my saddest experience to get tears going. I was faking being greave stricken over your supposed death, and I even had the others follow my lead. He gave us his shards in honor of your memory and said we could call on him if we needed any assistance in fighting Naraku." InuYasha got out the four shards, started laughing again, and said "he's so stupid." Kagome was looking at the shards and was about to laugh herself. "You didn't even ask for them? Koga truly _is_ a sucker. I don't get why Koga would think that I would be dead and give up his jewel shards that easily." She then remembered seeing Koga land on the ground behind the car just before entering the well. "I guess Koga saw me and the car go into the well at a high speed" she said, "a speed no human could survive hitting the well bottom at. He'd also find no trace of either me or the vehicle. No wonder he thought I was dead."

* * *

Kagome said "okay, InuYasha, I'll be back in momentarily." InuYasha asked "what are you going to get?" Kagome replied "a device to see how burning up you are." As Kagome and Sango got out to the car, Kirara was going into Miroku's lap. Miroku said "Kirara, you can cuddle up here." Kirara suddenly lowered her head and started making noises. Her stomach was moving in and out. Miroku, perplexed by this, asked "Kirara, what are you doing?" Kirara persisted until she threw up into Miroku's lap. "KIRARA!" Miroku yelled.

Outside, meanwhile, Sango said "wow, those units on the top of the car are new." Kagome replied "I just got them done last night. They're made to resemble InuYasha's ears." They then heard Miroku yell out from in the hut. Kirara was darting out. Miroku was still seated and scooting himself back with his hands. "These were my good robes, too!" he yelled. "InuYasha" Kagome yelled. InuYasha called back "that wasn't me!" Sango looked and saw the barf in Miroku's lap. "Who puked on you?" Kagome asked. Miroku replied "it was Kirara." Kirara, was at Sango's feet when she dropped her head and started urping again. Sango said "oh my" and jumped back. Kirara barfed on the ground, and Kagome cringed with Sango after seeing that. "I hope Kirara isn't catching what InuYasha has" Sango said. Kagome felt Kirara's forehead and said "she isn't; there's no fever." Miroku asked "then why did she barf…all over my good robes?" Kagome said "I have no idea." With that, she got a thermometer and headed back inside. "Take care of Miroku and Kirara" she said. Sango said "okay."

* * *

Inside, InuYasha was still laying down. "Now _that_ was funny" he muttered. Kagome said "InuYasha, what was so funny?" InuYasha asked "you didn't see Miroku?" Kagome asked "oh, that?" InuYasha said "yeah" and was nearly laughing. Kagome said "well, here's the device. How are you feeling?" InuYasha replied "well, I'm not puking anymore." "That's a good sign" Kagome replied, "but let's check your temperature." She activated the thermometer and said "okay, open up. This metal tip will go under your tongue. You need to make sure it doesn't move an inch out of position." InuYasha said "okay" and opened his mouth. Kagome stuck the thermometer in and said "okay, hold the tip there." With the thermometer in position, the temperature kept rising. Kagome dealt a hand of poker, getting a good hand in the process. "Yes, full house" she said. InuYasha got some paper and a pen (of Kagome's) and wrote "four of a kind." When he showed her his hand, she said "you've got me beat, InuYasha." The thermometer started beeping. Kagome said "okay, this can be removed now." She got the thermometer and looked. "Oh my" she muttered, "105.8 degrees." Shippo asked "is that bad?" Kagome said "that's the danger point. SANGO, MIROKU!"

Sango and Miroku (with a large towel around his waist) rushed in. "What is it, Kagome?" Sango asked. "InuYasha has a very high fever; he's in danger; just two degrees from a fatally high temperature." Miroku asked "what can we do to break the fever?" Shippo asked "why not use ice?" InuYasha said "I think that's a…good…ide--." He suddenly passed out. "InuYasha!" Kagome yelled. She turned to Sango and said "I've got ice in the car for the sodas. We need some of that ice, and _fast_!" "I'm on it" Sango said as she bolted to the car. Shippo said "I was going to say that I had a clean bucket available, but never mind." Kagome was looking at InuYasha worriedly. "InuYasha, stay with us" Kagome pleaded.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED…


	18. Near Death InuYasha & an Offbeat Rescue

Sango dashed right in with a cooler full of ice and said "here is the ice Kagome. How are we going to cool InuYasha down with this?" Kagome said "hand me the cooler." She reaches over to Miroku's towel and grabs the edge of it. Closing her eyes, she promptly ripped it off him. Miroku yelled "what the heck?" He grabbed the Hiraikotsu from Sango's hand and held it across his waist. Sango let out a scream, blushing in the process. She yelled "KAGOME WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?" Kagome responded "what did you want me to use Sango?" Then she saw Miroku covered with nothing more than the hiraikotsu and said "oh my." Shippo, closing his eyes, said "I _do_ have a washcloth." Miroku asked "can I have my towel back, please?" Sango said "hopefully we won't mention this to InuYasha." Shippo thought "maybe _you two_ won't." Kagome said "sorry" and tossed the towel onto the monk's shoulder. Then he said "can I have a little help here." Kagome said "sure. Sango, help him out." Sango asked "what?" Kagome said "it's _your_ hiraikotsu; help him out." Sango replied "uhh, okay" and looked to her left as she turned towards him. She got the hiraikotsu and held it, clamping her eyes shut in the process. "Okay, okay, get the towel on, Miroku" she said, "get the towel on _quickly_, please."

Miroku got the towel and wrapped it around his waist. As he was getting the towel positioned correctly, he muttered "okay, here we go." Sango, misinterpreting the monk's remark, opened her eyes much too soon. She saw him and screamed. Kagome asked "what happened?" Miroku replied "Sango opened her eyes a little too soon." Kagome asked "you mean you saw him--?" "Yes" Sango squealed as she started to blush. She was looking away with intense effort. Miroku got the towel wrapped and secured. "Okay, Sango" he said. "Are you sure this time?" Sango asked. Miroku simply lifted the Hiraikotsu up and said "I'm positive." Sango looked and was relieved, though still embarrassed. Miroku started doing a sensual hip shake and said "I hope you got a good look." Sango said "you perverted dog." Kagome, meanwhile, had wrapped some ice cubes in Shippo's washcloth. She placed the frigid bundle on InuYasha's forehead. "InuYasha, pull through, please" Kagome said. Shippo, Sango, and Miroku looked on in utmost concern.

* * *

Some distance away in a field, Sesshomaru was contemplating tactics for another attempt on InuYasha. Rin asked "so how is this going again?" Sesshomaru replied "I'll demonstrate with the Tenseiga standing in." Drawing the tenseiga, he tossed a coconut to the ground in front of Rin. "This coconut will stand in for that fox tyke" Sesshomaru said, "I want you to pin it down." Rin said "okay" and turned to the coconut. Imagining it as Shippo, she then said "you want a piece of this?" She began bounding a little and asked "you want a piece of the Rin-ster? What's the matter, foxy? Just try it." "Rin, just pin it" Sesshomaru said. Rin said "okay" and hit her fist in her open palm. She cracked some knuckles, stared the coconut down and growled softly. "Would you _pin_ it already?" Sesshomaru asked. Rin dove onto the coconut and held it to the ground. "You can't handle the Rin-ster" she said. Jaken shouted "WILL YOU SHUT UP WITH THE RIN-STER CRAP?" Sesshomaru, on the other hand, was a little amused at Rin's mock taunting. "Excellent, Rin" he said.

* * *

Back in the hut, Kagome had a constant-monitor thermometer in InuYasha's mouth. She saw the readout go from 105 to 106 despite the ice pack. Shippo said "Kagome, the washcloth isn't working." Kagome said "Sango, dump the whole cooler on him. I'll get the medicine in the car." Sango got the cooler and emptied the contents onto InuYasha. She took his wrist in her hand and muttered "good, he's still got a pulse." Kagome got back in. She had a pump-based medicine bottle and a funnel. Kagome stuck the funnel in InuYasha's mouth and shot a dose of medicine into it. She put the thermometer back in place and got InuYasha's wrist. Shippo was getting worried and was almost in tears. Sango said "InuYasha, can you hear us?"

Kagome felt something disturbing: his pulse seemed to be slowing down. Miroku looked at Kagome and asked "how is InuYasha's pulse now?" Kagome said "it's dwindling." Kagome felt the pulse slowing farther and farther. The thermometer hit 107. Alarmed by the reading, Kagome yelled "InuYasha, stay with us! Stay with us!" Miroku asked "what can we do to get his pulse back up Kagome?" Kagome then got _very_ concerned. "His pulse stopped!" she screamed. The other three shouted "WHAT! What can we do?" Kagome said "Sango, push on his chest to pump his heart." The thermometer still read 107 as they began CPR.

* * *

In the field, Sesshomaru was waving tenseiga around. Looking at a tree, he said "now, brother, you will die." He made a back swing, only to have the sword slip out of his sweaty hand and go sailing across the way. Rin and Jaken witnessed this and starting to laugh. "Nice tactics" Rin said. Sesshomaru said "oh shut up."

In the hut, Kagome had finished another round of CPR. InuYasha had still not woken up. Kagome was getting tears in her eyes. "InuYasha" she moaned. Shippo noticed and started bawling "oh, InuYasha is gone forever!" Miroku said "don't cry, Shippo. We must--." Kagome said "yeah, it's my turn." She buried her face in InuYasha's shoulder and started crying. "InuYasha, why?" she moaned in despair. Miroku cleared his throat and said "as I was saying, we must pray for his repose. InuYasha left no regrets when he passed on." Kagome shouted "InuYasha, no! InuYa--!" Suddenly, a sword that had been flying through the air took out a window in the hut. Kagome, startled by this, jumped back as the sword landed on InuYasha. A blue glow enveloped the sword blade and (after a second or so) InuYasha. After the glow ended, Kagome tossed the sword aside and ran her hand down InuYasha's arm. "Why did you die on me _now_? I never got to say…that…I love you," she muttered. Sango, Miroku, and Shippo were stunned by Kagome's remark. As her hand was moving past his wrist, she noticed something: his pulse seemed to have restarted.

* * *

Back in the field, Sesshomaru had heard the window shatter from the flying tenseiga. "Oh, shit" he said. Rin and Jaken gazed on for a moment and started laughing. "If you two think it's so funny, why don't one of you go and get it?" Sesshomaru asked. Rin said "sure thing, Sesshey" and bolted off. "RIN" he shouted…to no avail. "Dang it" he said, "whoever was owning that hut is going to kill me!" Jaken asked "what if it's abandoned, me lord?" Sesshomaru said "the neighbors will, then."

* * *

In the hut, Kagome gasped "InuYasha" and looked back on him. Sango said "I think something happened with that sword." Kagome said "I've got a pulse from him again. His pulse kind of restarted." Miroku felt on the InuYasha's other wrist and said "she's right, it _has_ returned." Shippo shouts out with excitement "InuYasha is back!" Kagome tossed the sword out of the hut and read the thermometer. The readings declined with 107, 101, 99, and finally 98. "His temperature has gone down" she said, "his fever broke. He's drenched in sweat now." InuYasha then started coming around and waking up. Sango said "InuYasha, can you hear us?" InuYasha opened his eyes and said "Kagome, Sango, w-what happened?" Shippo shouts "You almost died, InuYasha!"

InuYasha said "Well I do remember seeing a white light in a tunnel. A _long_ tunnel at that." Kagome had tears in her eyes and said "I'm glad you're okay, InuYasha." InuYasha said "thanks, Kagome." Shippo said "well something else happened, too. Sango saw Mir--." "SHIPPO!" Sango yelled. Shippo said "but I'll tell you when Sango and Miroku aren't around." Outside, Rin saw the tenseiga on the ground outside the hut. "I guess whoever owned this hut must've tossed the sword back outside" she thought. With that, she got the sword and started back to Sesshomaru's location.

Back inside, InuYasha asked "what else happened?" Sango said "well, Kagome said that she loves you." Kagome said "SANGO." Sango replied "well, you _did_." Kagome blushed and asked "really?" Sango replied "yes. You were saying 'why did you die on me _now_? I never got to say that I love you'." InuYasha was very surprised. "Did you really say that, Kagome?" he asked. Kagome blushed and said "yeah, I did." InuYasha looked puzzled for a moment and started laughing. "That's good material. You ought to go into comedy someday" he said. Kagome said "I'm serious, InuYasha." InuYasha stopped laughing and was startled by Kagome's remark. "You're serious?" he asked. Kagome replied with a major-league tongue-packed kiss.

Sango and Miroku were gawking in amazement. Shippo had his eyes covered by the hiraikotsu, much to his chagrin. "Sango, what's happening?" he asked. Kagome said "that's not really the best time to ask that." InuYasha hit Shippo in the head. "Kagome, InuYasha hit me!" Shippo yelled. Kagome turned and said "InuYasha…" InuYasha had a look of fear in his eyes. Kagome, forgetting that the necklace was still on Miroku, said "sit, boy." Miroku was flung down by the necklace. He landed right on top of Sango. Kagome saw Miroku on top of Sango and wearing the necklace. Sango yelled "get the hell off of me, you pervert!" Kagome said "that was my fault, Sango. I forgot Miroku still had the necklace."

* * *

At the field, Rin came to Sesshomaru with tenseiga. "Here's your sword, lord Sesshomaru" she said. Sesshomaru replied "Rin, when will you stop calling me 'Sesshey'? That's annoying." Rin simply rubbed Sesshomaru's head and said "good boy." Sesshomaru gawked oddly at her and said "please don't treat me like a dog, Rin." Jaken asked "what about the hut's occupants?" Rin replied "well, since I found the sword outside the hut, I figured--." Sesshomaru interrupted with "we need to go and check, Rin!" Before Rin could say anything, Sesshomaru jumped onto Ah-Un's back only to find both its heads asleep. Sesshomaru said "Ah-Un, wake up, please."

Back with Kagome, Sango said "didn't you notice what that sword did when it landed on InuYasha?" Kagome replied "yeah, it emitted a blue glow that spread throughout InuYasha after a second or so." InuYasha said "a sword? I don't recall getting Tetsusiga out." Miroku said "there was a different sword. This sword flew in through the window and landed on you." Sango asked "could that have been Sesshomaru's Tenseiga sword?" InuYasha replied "it _has_ to be. No other sword can emit such a glow…unless it was electronic. Also, when I had that vision of the long tunnel, I do recall seeing a brighter blue glow that suddenly came up from behind me." Sango said "well, if Sesshomaru comes around asking about this, we tell him nothing. He must not know of his having inadvertently saved InuYasha." Kagome mentioned "well, InuYasha will be in my time for the rest of the day." InuYasha replied "oh, yeah, but before we do that, Kagome, how about we make dinner here if you are ok with that." Kagome said "well, my mom was planning on steak tonight." InuYasha's watering mouth was starting to get the better of him. "Steak…" he muttered. After a moment's thought, he said "okay, we'll have dinner here tomorrow night." They got out to the car and InuYasha noticed the car's ear fins. After gawking for a few seconds, he barked "What is this?" Kagome replied "they're little ear fins to look like your ears." InuYasha looked them over and said "wow, that's nifty." Kagome said "I thought they were cute." With that, they were off.

* * *

In the field, Sesshomaru was picking up a scent from Tenseiga. Jaken asked "what are you looking at, me lord?" Sesshomaru replied "this scent I'm picking up from Tenseiga." Rin asked "what about it?" Sesshomaru replied "Tenseiga has a hint of my brother's scent on it." Jaken asked "you mean that half-breed brother of yours?" Rin shot back "no, he means his sleep-around three-timing sister." Sesshomaru replied "calm down, you two. We need to look for either InuYasha or that hut's occupants." Rin immediately pulled out a gold coin of Sesshomaru's and said "let's have fate decide where we go first." Sesshomaru asked "how did you get that coin? How long have you had it?" Rin said "it's one of yours." "WHAT?" Sesshomaru asked. Rin replied "You dropped it earlier. Besides, we just toss this coin in the air and guess which side faces up when it lands: if heads is up, we go to the village; if tails is up, we go to InuYasha." Sesshomaru replied "very clever Rin, but why didn't you tell me I dropped it?" Rin said "you looked a little occupied, so I thought I'd wait." Sesshomaru said "okay. Toss away, Rin." She flipped the coin and it landed heads up. They all saw that and simultaneously said "hut." Sesshomaru then got a terrified look in his eyes and ducked as the car came screaming over him. "Holy freaking crap!" he yelled.


	19. Love Pentagon

The car went through the well and entered Kagome's time. There, waiting, were Eri, Ayumi, and Yuka. Kagome got out and said "hi, guys." InuYasha got out and said "good to see you three again." Yuka replied "it's good to see you as well, Yashey-Washey." Kagome, embarrassed, said "I can't believe you guys called him 'Yashey-Washey' again." InuYasha asked "will you guys ever stop calling me that? That name is ticking me off. Couldn't you give me a better nickname?" Eri replied "well, it's more than just a nickname." InuYasha asked "what do you mean by--?" Eri instantly whipped InuYasha into a big kiss. Kagome said "ERI!" The kiss ended and Eri said "sorry, couldn't resist." Ayumi said "his ears are so _darling_!" Kagome asked "could you three guys stop flirting with InuYasha?" InuYasha said "yeah, I'm sick of you guys doing that."

* * *

Later, at WacDonald's, Eri said "we can't help it, Kagome. InuYasha is really hot." Kagome retorted "well, Eri, I don't care if--! What the heck are you doing, InuYasha?" InuYasha, feeling his forehead, replied "I don't think I feel all that warm." Kagome said "it's another term for good-looking." Ayumi said "well, I.Y., perhaps you could be with all four of us." InuYasha asked "'I.Y.'?" Kagome, ignoring the new nickname, asked "you would want InuYasha to have four girlfriends? No way in hell!" Eri replied "come on, Kagome, don't you think InuYasha would want this since he hasn't had it like that?" Kagome said "he _has_ had it like that!" InuYasha replied "yeah, with Kikyo." Yuka asked "Kiky-who?" Kagome said "a former lover of his now in an endless feud with him." InuYasha said "yeah, so she's pretty much out of the question. Anyway, I'm not so sure about the idea of four lovers." Ayumi, through a mouthful of fries, said "come on, I.Y., me, Eri, and Yuka are okay with the idea." Kagome said "I'm not okay with it, though." InuYasha said "just call me 'InuYasha' please. Also, I don't want any other lover; I'm only in love with Kagome." Getting up, he said "I'll be right back."

InuYasha went to a pay phone and inserted some modern-day money. Kagome and her friends snuck up behind him as he dialed a number. Meanwhile, at a health food store, Hojo answered the phone. "Hojo's Health Foods" he said. InuYasha said "hi, I'm looking for a Mr. Butz; first name Seymour." Kagome thought "that sounds like Hojo on the other end of that call. InuYasha is the mystery crank caller." Hojo said "I'll check." Turning to the patrons, he said "call for Mr. Butz! Everyone, I want a Seymour Butz!" Hojo's co-workers started laughing out loud, precipitating that laughter to the rest of the customers. A friend of his asked "you seeing enough butts now?" Hojo thought and then said "wait a minute." He got the phone and said "it's you, isn't it, you little punk. When I catch you, I'm going to ream you with a knife!" Even though Hojo had hung up after the death threat, InuYasha was laughing his head off. Kagome, having heard the whole thing, was in shock for a moment, only to start cracking up afterwards.

* * *

InuYasha turned around and said "Kagome, you heard the whole thing?" Kagome said "I sure did, InuYasha. That was hilarious." Later, at the shrine, Kagome was preparing dinner while InuYasha was playing with Buyo. Kagome's friends were hardly able to keep their eyes off him. Ayumi started feeling InuYasha's ears and said "your ears are so adorable!" InuYasha said "well, they are real." After a while, Eri said "hey, InuYasha." Kagome walked in just as InuYasha turned and said "yeah?" Eri instantly flung up her shirt, flashing him. "ERI!" Kagome said. InuYasha asked "what are we going to do with your friends, Kagome?" Kagome said "InuYasha, I just need a little help in the kitchen." InuYasha got up and said "okay." As they went into the kitchen, Yuka asked "what the _hell_ is the matter with you, Eri?" Ayumi said "Kagome is going to be really ticked at you." Eri said "well, given who he was, I think it'll be worth it." Yuka said "good point."

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, InuYasha was a little fearful of Kagome. He said "Kagome, it's not what you think. If I would've known that Eri would've done that, I wouldn't have looked up. It's not my fault that--." Kagome said "I know it isn't your fault. Why would I be mad at you for something you weren't expecting?" InuYasha said "I guess I was jumping the gun, Kagome. Besides, you've seen the way Kikyo has been trying to take me back. I figured it'd still work the same way." Kagome said "except I'm not going to let Kikyo take you away again. Not like the last time, if you remember." "Yeah, I remember" InuYasha replied, "it was when I was asking what you meant by the whole thing." He glanced into the living room and saw Eri guzzling down a Pepsi as Yuka and Ayumi were chanting "chug, chug, chug, chug…" Kagome said "well, you don't have anything to worry about." She then gave him a _very_ passionate kiss with tongue. She also gave him a Miroku-style rub. InuYasha, after the kiss, said "well, I wasn't expecting a Miroku move from you." A kitchen timer went off, and Kagome said "dinner is ready!"

At dinner, Kagome was giving Eri a very nasty look. "What did I do wrong?" Eri asked. Ayumi replied "you know, your little 'InuYasha, check my rack out' bit." Yuka unloaded some sarcasm with "do you remember _now_?" Eri replied "well, what do you expect from a girl?" Kagome replied "a little dignity and restraint." InuYasha replied "That's not what I would expect." Kagome, getting irked again, asked "what do you mean by that, InuYasha? What would _you_ say you expected from a girl…besides the obvious?" InuYasha said "I'd actually expect _a lot_ of dignity and restraint, not just a little of it." Kagome replied "well, that's a relief." Eri said "Will you both shut up?" InuYasha started burping "A, B, C, D…" Kagome, as InuYasha continued his belching recital, said "I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon." Ayumi asked "how about we go to a different subject?" "…P, Q, R, S…" InuYasha continued burping. Kagome asked "are you through yet, InuYasha?" InuYasha finished burping with "…W, X, Y, Z." "Enough, InuYasha" Kagome said. Eri said "I think Kagome is getting really ticked at you…" and belched "Yashey-Washey." "Would you stop calling me 'Yashey-Washey'?" Kagome rubbed InuYasha's head and said "good boy." "Kagome, stop treating me like a dog!" InuYasha said. Ayumi asked "how much more can we tick him off, Kagome?" Kagome replied "let's not find out. After all, we _would_ like to live to see the next sunrise." Her friends had a look of shock that was cooled down by InuYasha saying "check this out" and doing his seal imitation with some fries in his upper lip. They were all laughing their heads off.

* * *

Back in the feudal era, everyone had just finished a nice meal. Sesshomaru suddenly came in. "What are _you_ doing here, cretin?" Miroku spat. Sesshomaru said "please calm yourself, monk. I wanted to apologize about breaking that window right there." As he pointed at the window that Tenseiga took out, Sango realized that it truly was the sword that had saved InuYasha's life. Sango replied "hey, no problem." Sesshomaru said "I'm so relieved to hear that. Now, if you don't mind, I have a brother to look for." Shippo said "good luck finding him." Sango made an urgent hand motion across her neck and said "shhhhhhhhh." Sesshomaru, unfortunately, had overheard and stopped in his tracks. "What do you mean by that?" he asked, "where are you hiding him?" Miroku said "he's somewhere where _you'll_ never find him." Sesshomaru spat "try me. We can do this the easy way…" Sango said "we'll never tell you where he--!" Sesshomaru's hand clamped down on Sango's neck as he finished with "…or the hard way." Sango was desperately trying to gasp for air as Sesshomaru was strangling her. "SANGO!" Miroku cried. "Where is InuYasha, you excuse of a human?" Sesshomaru spat. "Miroku, help" Sango gagged. Shippo said "well, he's off elsewhere and--." He then looked off to Sesshomaru's side, pointed, and said "hey, there he is right now." Sesshomaru looked and asked "where? I don't see--." Shippo instantly flung a pan into Sesshomaru's head, knocking him out. Sango, free of Sesshomaru's grasp, regained her breath as Miroku asked "Sango, are you okay?" "I'll be all right, Miroku" she replied. Jaken ran in and said "you filthy fox! How dare you do that to Lord Sesshomaru?" Shippo asked "Sango, what are we going to do?" Sango replied "um, maybe this…perhaps?" She had her fist extended out with middle finger extended and facing Jaken. Jaken said "don't you flip me off, you filthy son of a--." "Ooh, Jaken" Shippo chided. Miroku said "let's stop this before this escalates to a heated battle that destroys the hut and makes Kaede ticked at us." Sango said "first, we need to toss _him_ out of here." Shippo replied "guys, it's a little late for that. Look." He pointed at Jaken, whom was pulling Sesshomaru out. Jaken said "Rin, a little help here, please." Rin replied "why do _I_ always have to haul his unconscious little butt around?" Jaken said "Rin, just do it." Rin grabbed Sesshomaru and complained "all right, all right." With that, they were off.

Back in modern times, InuYasha was a little on edge. Yuka and Eri had him in a hug-like grasp while Ayumi was lounging in his lap with her arms around him. The three of them were cuddling him. Kagome, from another room, heard InuYasha whimpering. "What's wrong, InuYasha?" she asked. Before he answered, Kagome walked in and saw this. "What are you guys doing to InuYasha?" she asked. Eri replied "nothing yet, but if each of us could get him in a bedroom alone, we…" Kagome was stunned at this. "They'd want to sleep with him?" she thought. InuYasha asked "oh, man, is it what I think it is?" Yuka said "not sure, but I could have you find out" and started rubbing one of her knockers slowly. InuYasha said "Kagome, help me, please." Eri said "not before _I_ have him find out." Kagome was getting more petrified with fear. InuYasha said "Kagome, I can tell that you're freaked out, but I could use a little assistance here." He then turned to the other three and said "look, it's a tempting offer, but I'm in love with Kago--." Ayumi interrupted him with a major-league kiss. Kagome was getting ticked, and was wondering "what am I going to do? InuYasha's virginity is in jeopardy." Then, an idea ran across her head and she thought "I wonder…" She pointed at the window and said "holy crap, Hojo is streaking out there!" Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi looked at the window and find no one outside at all. Kagome said "okay, now that I have the three of your attentions, would you please get off of him? He's not in love with you; he never will be, so stop trying to make him fall in love. He's only in love with me." InuYasha said "I also don't want to get laid with any of you three." Kagome flinched and replied "well, that too." InuYasha said "well, there's always my brother; _he's_ single." All three of Kagome's friends looked very excited. "What's he like, I.Y.?" Eri asked. InuYasha said "he's young, handsome, and the only other girl you'll find with him is a little 8-year-old that hangs out with him." Ayumi asked "why does he have a pint-sized little runt with him?" Kagome replied "this girl is an orphan, and he saved her life." Yuka said "a knight in shining armor, too." The three of them imagined Sesshomaru as a super-muscular beach buff in a purple Speedo saying "don't mind this little one, she's just a companion." As they were imagining how Sesshomaru was, Kagome said "so, Yuka, Eri, let go of him." The pair complied as Kagome said "Ayumi, get out of his lap." Ayumi got up and Kagome said "now, we can calmly talk about this. I'll make some tea and we can all sit and--." Kagome was interrupted by InuYasha's necklace activating and flinging him down. She looked and said "crap, sorry, InuYasha." Sota and Grandpa cringed as InuYasha replied in a high voice "that's okay, Kagome." She helped InuYasha up and Yuka looked at her watch. "Holy crap, it's almost midnight!" she said. Ayumi said "well, we'd better get going."

* * *

After her friends left, Kagome returned to InuYasha. InuYasha asked "so, what do you want to do, Kagome?" Kagome playfully rubbed a knocker and said "come on, InuYasha." She started up the stairs, beckoning him. InuYasha thought "wow, I'm so tempted." Kagome asked "coming?" InuYasha bolted up the stairs. Once in her room, InuYasha had the door closed and gawked as Kagome removed her top. "Should I lock the door?" he asked. Kagome locked the door for him and had the making out begin. After a while, she went to sleep in InuYasha's arms. InuYasha then had a thought cross his mind: Sesshomaru could be threatening Sango and Miroku. He knew that, somehow, he had to get back. He slowly slid his arm out from under Kagome. Kagome stirred a little and said "oh, InuYasha, my love" she muttered. He wondered what she was dreaming about. He then went to her desk, got a pen and paper pad, and wrote a note. He tore off the note, tucked it into Kagome's hand, and left through the window. He thought "hopefully, she'll take it well." With that, he entered the well and went to his time.


	20. A Yasha in Girl's Clothing

Kagome was dreaming of being in her science classroom. As she was washing some chemistry glassware, she heard a voice from behind her. "Kagome" it said. Kagome almost dropped the test tube she was washing. She looked and saw a periodic table with eyes and mouth simply floating in midair. "Kagome, I must inform you of a power you have" this periodic table said. "What do you mean by that?" Kagome asked. The periodic table replied "have you wondered about how your car's gas tank is the same material as the Shikon jewel without actually compromising it?" Kagome replied "no, but now when you bring it up." The periodic table said "well, as you know, the Shikon jewel contains four souls: friendship, love, wisdom, and courage. When that priestess expelled the jewel, what was actually expelled was the combination of tangible forms of those four souls. The combined souls reacted with the oxygen in the air to form an orb of a new element called Shikonium. This orb of an element with magical properties is better known as the Shikon jewel, named for the **Shikon**ium content." Then Kagome said "then why didn't professor Derus know about this?" The talking chemical chart replied "well, when a priestess had the jewel burned with her corpse, the only occurrence of that element was gone, having turned to a dust called Shikonium Oxide in the intense heat." No records of this element were made, but you have resurrected it. You also now have the power to turn other materials into the substance. With your power, the magical properties of these samples are also given limits, unlike the original jewel." Kagome watched a new block appear on the talking chart, which bore an atomic number of 119, the name Shikonium, and the atomic symbol "Sk." Kagome's reply was "amazing." Yuka came up behind her and asked "who's that little fellow there?" That moment, Kagome woke up and found herself in her room.

She felt something close by on her face and moving around. She giggled and said "InuYasha." She turned and saw Buyo sniffing away. She then discovered that InuYasha was gone. "InuYasha?" she asked, thinking he might have been nearby. She thought "don't tell me he'd go back." Buyo was pawing at something in her hand. She looked and saw the note that InuYasha had tucked there the night before. "Buyo, leave that alone" she said. She looked at the folded-up piece of paper and thought "maybe this is a love note." She unfolded the paper and found that it read "Kagome, I went back to the feudal era. I'll see you in a little while. Love, InuYasha." Kagome got out of bed and heard her mom say "breakfast is ready, Kagome!" She got dressed and replied "okay." Just as she was about to head down to the kitchen, she heard Sota yell "Kagome, get your fat ass down here!" "Sota" her mom chided. Kagome arrived in the kitchen as Sota was saying "sorry, mom." She saw that breakfast was French toast. Taking some on her plate, she said "mom, this looks so good."

* * *

Back in the feudal era, InuYasha and the others were discussing what to do while waiting for Kagome's arrival. Shippo suggested "how about a game?" InuYasha burped and Miroku said "InuYasha, must we?" After another loud belch from InuYasha, Miroku asked "is that a challenge, InuYasha?" Sango said "InuYasha, don't challenge him now; especially not with _that_." InuYasha said "too bad, Sango" and burped again. Before Sango could put this to a stop, Miroku let out two loud belches. Shippo was laughing while Sango was rolling her eyes. InuYasha and Miroku started passing wind to beat the band. Upon getting a whiff, Sango clapped her hand over her nose and mouth. "You guys are so gross" she said. InuYasha flopped down on the floor and said "okay, you win, Miroku. Man!" "Sorry, InuYasha" Miroku replied.

Kagome had arrived back in the feudal era, when she heard her Palm Pilot going off. She picked it up and looked. The screen was showing "warning: new moon night imminent." Kagome said "oh, no." She made her way to the village and found InuYasha at Kaede's hut. Seeing her, he said "Hi, Kagome. Back so soon?" Kagome said "yes. I had to. Do you know that tonight is the night of the new moon?" As she showed him the Palm Pilot, InuYasha replied "I already knew that without electronic assistance." "That's true" Kagome said, "you want some breakfast?" InuYasha replied "sure." Shippo asked "what did you bring, Kagome?" "French toast" Kagome replied. Shippo asked "French toast?" Trying a little bit, the fox demon leapt up and said "this is really good!" InuYasha said "_Merci, Mademoiselle_ Kagome." Kagome said "not that kind of French, although it is impressive." After breakfast, she asked "how about we walk for a while?" InuYasha agreed and they went off. As they walked, they found a flower patch. InuYasha picked some flowers and gave them to Kagome. "How sweet" Kagome beamed, "thank you, InuYasha." "You're welcome, Kagome" he replied, leaning in for a kiss. Kagome had also leaned, and their lips met. Kagome's heart was aflutter and InuYasha felt light as a feather. "That was wonderful" Kagome said.

Sesshomaru, meanwhile, was asleep on Ah-Un's back. Rin and Jaken were gazing out. "Rin, we could've had information on InuYasha" Jaken barked. Rin snapped back "how would you know if they would've known where InuYasha was?" She thought "Jaken, you're a moron." Jaken said "well, the fox tyke did wish Lord Sesshomaru sarcastic luck in finding him." Rin barked back "well, it may not be a case of the fox tyke hiding anything. Besides, if they knew, they wouldn't wait around and sit--!" A loud thud was heard from behind them as Sesshomaru was flung into Ah-Un's back by the inadvertent sit command. "Oh, shit" Rin thought. Sesshomaru asked "what was _that_ for, Rin?" Jaken asked "well, me lord, just getting up?" Sesshomaru barked "'just getting up'? Are you insane? I was slammed into Ah-Un's back!" Rin said "I was arguing with Jaken and I accidentally said the 's' command." Rin turned to Jaken and said "we would not have been any closer to InuYasha than had we continued interrogating." "Well, who didn't apologize at the hut when they retrieved the sword?" Jaken barked back, "we'd have saved a lot of trouble if--!" "ALL RIGHT, STOP IT!" Sesshomaru yelled. With Rin and Jaken's attention, he said "get a grip! At least you're alive." He looked down and said "besides, I see InuYasha down there." He pointed at what looked like a moving red dot on the ground. "He's in the midst of that village, me lord" Jaken said. Sesshomaru replied "let's not land there; we'll scare too many people. Let's land on the outskirts, where we won't attract attention." Rin asked "how do you do that, Lord Sesshomaru?" Sesshomaru turned to Rin with a puzzled look as she continued with "how do you know what I'm about to suggest?" "That was freaky" Sesshomaru replied. Jaken said "even I must agree." After a hard turn to the left, Rin said "I think I've got it." As they descended, Sesshomaru asked "Rin, are you sure you don't want me to--?" They crashed into a tree at that moment.

* * *

As Kagome and InuYasha walked along the lake together, he asked "did you hear something?" Kagome replied "what did you hear?" InuYasha said "it sounded like the results of a distant sit command. Oh, well, I guess I imagined it." They then noticed Miroku up to his usual antics as he was flirting with the women. InuYasha looked and said "what a pervert. Flirting around like that, I swear we ought to put him in a box." Just then, Kagome had a mental light bulb illuminate. "InuYasha, have you ever wanted to make a fool out of Miroku?" she asked. InuYasha replied "yeah." "Meet me at Kaede's later on" Kagome said, "I'll get something from my car." As she went, InuYasha snuck up behind Miroku. "Well, I have only one favor to ask of you. I wish for you to--." InuYasha immediately slugged the monk in the head. "Shut up, pig" he barked. Miroku turned around and said "InuYasha, I didn't see you there. What a surprise." "Sure thing, you filthy fucking monk" InuYasha retorted. "Ooh" the nearby ladies said. "I'll show _you_ fucking" Miroku barked. He immediately plowed into InuYasha, causing a massive brawl between the two. The women, meanwhile, were screaming with fright.

The screaming got Kagome and Sango's attention. Upon arriving, they saw the massive (one-sided) fight between InuYasha and Miroku. "Where do you think _you're_ going, dog boy?" Miroku barked as he pounded the living tar out of poor InuYasha. "Miroku!" Sango yelled. Kagome went to InuYasha and attempted to get him away. Miroku wasn't exactly making it easy for Kagome. "Sango, I could use a little help, here" Kagome yelled. Sango rushed for the raging monk. "I'm already ahead of you, Kagome" Sango said. She flung her fist right at Miroku, slugging him in the face. "What was that for?" Miroku yelled. Kagome knew that InuYasha was merely feigning unconsciousness. Despite this, she yelled (with a convincingly sad tone) "are you happy you _killed_ him?" Miroku looked back no longer in rage. "What do you mean, Kagome? He _can't_ be dead." "Damn" InuYasha said, slapping a tree root in the process. Kagome looked at InuYasha and said "crap, we could've had him fooled." Sango, meanwhile, said "you deserved that sock in the chops for beating the living tar out of InuYasha. What is the matter with you?" InuYasha and Miroku simultaneously pointed at one another saying "he started it." Stunned by Miroku's comment, InuYasha barked "me? _You're_ the one who had to be womanizing! _I_ was just stopping that."

Some distance away, on the outskirts of the village, Sesshomaru muttered "pity how my possessing that monk had little effect. I almost had him kill InuYasha when that demon slayer intervened and broke my spell." Jaken said "aye, me lord. At least Naraku didn't see _this_ failure." Then Sesshomaru said "don't be so sure about Naraku seeing my failure. He could be watching this as we speak." Turning to Rin, whom was washing Ah-Un and nursing two bruises on the beast's left neck nearby, he said "Rin, do us a favor. Make sure you're able to manually fly Ah-Un proficiently _before_ doing so with us riding along." Rin said "I'll try my best, Lord Sesshomaru."

* * *

Later at Kaede's, InuYasha asked "so what do you have in mind for making a fool out of Miroku, Kagome?" Kagome said "well, tonight is the night of the new moon, right?" When InuYasha murmured in agreement, Kagome said "okay, here's the deal. Tonight, Miroku will meet a lady from the village in need of him; someone who is also in need of someone whom she could bear children from." InuYasha asked "and where in the village can we find such a girl?" Kagome replied "I'm looking right at her." "WHAT?" InuYasha yelled, "Kagome, you realize I'm not a girl, don't you?" Kagome said "well…uhhh…" She then noticed Sango peeking her head in. "Sango, hi" Kagome said. Sango asked "what's going on here?" Kagome said "we're planning to make a fool out of Miroku." Sango replied "well, I want in on this, too." InuYasha said "Kagome, this isn't going to work. I'm not a girl." Sango got a shocked look on her face, until Kagome said "maybe not right now, but all you need is a little prep." "Huh?" InuYasha said in shock. Kagome opened her backpack and drew out two flesh-colored water pouches, some flesh-colored putty, and an adhesive. Filling the pouches, they were each some 5 inches across at their maximum capacity. Kagome held the pouches up to InuYasha's chest saying "here's where we start." InuYasha's eyes were bugging out as he said "you've got to be kidding me." Kagome said "I'm not kidding, InuYasha." Turning to Sango, she said "Sango, I'll need your feminine help on this as well." As Sango agreed with a handshake, InuYasha's eyebrow was twitching nervously.

Kagome removed InuYasha's top kimono and shirt. She glued the water pouches to his chest and used the putty to conceal the gaps, making the pouches appear as growths. "What are you…" InuYasha asked. "Now, we're on a roll" Kagome said. Sango got lipstick on InuYasha's lips as Kagome applied eyeliner. InuYasha grumbled at this. "Stop moving, InuYasha" Kagome said. "Roll up your pant legs" Sango said. "For what?" InuYasha barked. Kagome said "siiii…" InuYasha quickly got his pant legs up. "Thank you" Kagome replied. She then applied strips of a strange parchment with a somewhat hot coating to his legs. "Sango, you take that leg" Kagome said as she handed more strips to her.

InuYasha asked "what are you doing, Kagome?" Kagome lied "just applying some herbal strips." InuYasha was still worried. "Do the herbs _really_ need to be heated like that?" Sango said "this leg's got full coverage." Kagome said "Kaede said they do wonders when heated." She had gotten the last of the strips on. After five minutes, Kagome said "treatment is done. Ready, Sango?" Sango gave Kagome a thumbs-up and Kagome said "okay, 1, 2, 3!" They both yanked hard simultaneously. The layout of the strips had both legs cleared in one rip. InuYasha let out a loud scream. Hands twitching, he yelled "SON OF A BUCK, THAT HURT! THAT FUCKING HURT!" Kagome said "well, the wax hair removal seems to have worked." "YOU SAID IT WAS AN HERBAL TREATMENT! Why hair removal?" InuYasha wailed. He was rubbing his own legs in disbelief. Kagome said "Sango, if you may." Sango replied "to make for a more realistic illusion. All of us ladies remove hair from the legs." "Well, I guess beauty hurts" InuYasha said. Kagome said "well, that _was_ one of the more painful means of removal." "THERE ARE METHODS WITH _LESS_ PAIN? WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU USE ONE OF _THEM_?"

After some 30 seconds, the pain was subsiding. InuYasha asked "so, anything else?" Kagome said "yes. Get undressed." InuYasha was stunned. Both he and Sango simultaneously ask "WHAT?" Kagome held up some women's clothing of that time. InuYasha said "okay, but I'll need privacy for the lower part." Kagome said "I figured. Oh, Shippo, we're ready." Shippo came in with a folded-up privacy screen, which he promptly unfolded. InuYasha, upon seeing the screen, thought "wow, they're really prepared."

* * *

After InuYasha was fully changed, Kagome said "come on, InuYasha." InuYasha came out and said "I look ridiculous. Miroku isn't going to fall for this." Kagome held up a mirror and said "the sun hasn't set yet." InuYasha replied "even so, he'll know it's me. He'll recognize my scent and the necklace." Kagome said "I think you're right." She promptly removed the necklace and said "Sango, if you may." Sango then drenched InuYasha with perfume. "What the heck is this smell?" InuYasha spat, "Kagome, what is this stuff?" Kagome said "it's perfume." InuYasha said "I _do_ detect a hint of strawberries in this scent, though." Kagome said "now all we have to do is wait for the sun to do the rest." InuYasha replied "agreed."

Kagome said "here's how it'll work. When Miroku walks to you, he'll ask if you're the woman looking for him. You say so. He may do his usual antics, so don't do anything to give the whole thing away." InuYasha replied "got it. So when do I reveal the truth to him?" Kagome said "well, when he kisses you--." "WHAT?" InuYasha yelled, "How do you know it'll happen?" Kagome replied "well, I just have a feeling he will. However, if nothing else, you may need to kiss him yourself." "WHAT?" InuYasha yelled. Sango was shocked as well. "Kagome, is that such a good idea?" Sango asked. Kagome said "why not? Miroku won't recognize InuYasha until he reveals himself _after_ doing that." Still shocked, Sango said "I'm still not sure about this."

Shippo suddenly said "InuYasha, hide; he's coming!" InuYasha vaulted into a storage bin and said "Kagome, make sure he doesn't get suspicious." With that, he closed the lid just as Miroku entered. Kagome said "play with these cards" and handed Shippo a deck of playing cards. Sango grabbed some makeup as Kagome grabbed another handful. Miroku asked "how's it going in here?" Kagome said "okay." Miroku said "that's good. Have you seen InuYasha anywhere?" Kagome and Sango, faking concern, said "no, we haven't. Why do you ask?" Miroku said "oh, I was afraid of this. Tonight's the night of the new moon and he's off on his own!" "Crap, we forgot tonight's the night!" Shippo yelled. Sango asked "what are we going to do?" Kagome said "I don't know, but we've got to find him…fast." Sango said "Kagome, try a sit command." Kagome said "I don't know if he's out of range, though." Sango said "borrow Kirara, Miroku. Well join in when we're ready." Miroku said "okay. We'll meet at the well." He was promptly off.

Kagome said "okay, InuYasha." InuYasha got back out of the storage bin. Sango said "Miroku is looking for you. Get back into your normal garb." "What about the makeup, Kagome?" InuYasha asked. Kagome drenches him in water, removing the makeup and perfume instantly. InuYasha spat out some water and said "thanks, Kagome." Kagome promptly placed the necklace back on him. "Kagome, don't you trust me? I don't need to wear this stupid thing!" InuYasha yelled. Kagome said "except for cosmetic reasons." InuYasha asked "what do you mean 'cosmetic'?" Kagome said "Actually, I made that to look like the real necklace. Observe as I make you SIT!" InuYasha flinches, only to see the actual necklace fly out of Kagome's pocket and onto the floor. With two more sit commands, InuYasha sees the empty necklace jotter a little on each command. "I get it: the one I'm wearing now is a fake; Miroku won't get suspicious" InuYasha said, "Good thinking, Kagome." Kagome handed him his folded-up kimono, saying "I leave the rest to you." InuYasha promptly changed back into his normal kimono. When he came out, he said "well, what about these things?" Kagome said "I'll just empty them out." Kagome drained the water out of the pouches, flattening them. "Now, let's find Miroku" Sango said.

* * *

At the well, Miroku was waiting. He was playing his favorite tune on a bamboo flute. Sango arrived. Kagome and InuYasha stayed hidden in the foliage. "Any luck, Sango?" Miroku asked. Sango replied "I looked everywhere and couldn't find him. Kagome went to search in a different direction, but she got no leads." Miroku said "InuYasha should be around here somewhere." Sango commented "I don't think he'd go to Kagome's world without her." Kagome then yell "I found him!" She whispered to InuYasha "okay, just like I told you." As InuYasha gave her thumbs up, Kagome turned the other way and yelled "you're in big trouble, mister!" Grabbing one of InuYasha's ears, they got out of the foliage moving as though Kagome were actually pulling on his ear. InuYasha added to that with "ow, ow, ow, owww! Kagome, let go of my ear! I'm not a kid! OWWWWW!" Kagome let go and said "you're in so much trouble, pal. Come, Kaede's hut, NOW!" InuYasha asked "what did _I _do, Kagome?" Miroku asked "what did he do _this _time?" Kagome said "you've got a lot of nerve running off on your own like that _when your powers are going to disappear_!" InuYasha replied "I was trying to do some training before I become mortal. I wasn't going to fight my brother, Sesshomaru, or anything." Kagome said "still, we need to talk. Kaede's hut. MOVE!" "Yeah, yeah, whatever, Kagome" InuYasha replied. Kagome grabbed his ear again as she yelled "MOVE!" As they got further into the woods, Miroku and Sango heard him yelling "okay, okay, stop pulling my damn ear…" Miroku said "well, at least we know InuYasha is safe and sound." "Safe and sound, maybe" Sango replied, "but he is in trouble." Miroku agreed with "I know; he's in deep shit."

Further into the forest, however, Kagome let go of InuYasha's ear and said "okay, I think we're out of earshot now." They high-fived one another and made it back to the hut. "Okay, InuYasha, we need to go back into lady mode" Kagome said. "Come on, Kagome" InuYasha complained, "not the ladies' clothes again." Kagome replied "unless you want to wait until _after_ the sun sets." InuYasha said "oh, right." He got back into the clothes and asked "so, Kagome, you have everything--?" Kagome promptly whipped out a toothbrush, Full Metal Alchemist edition toothpaste, floss, and mouthwash. InuYasha dragged the rest of his statement with "…I'll need…afterwards." Kagome said "right here and ready to go." With that, she began re-applying the makeup and refilling the water pouches. He was ready with perfume soon after, and Kagome said "now we wait for the sun." InuYasha agreed.

Back by the well, Sango said "Miroku, there's a lady in the village who said she wants to meet you." Miroku asked "a woman who wants to see me. Any reason why?" Sango said "she said she wanted to meet someone who would give her company." "I will gladly provide company for her" Miroku said. Sango merely thought to herself "sucker. You're taking the bait."


	21. MirokFool: Usual Request Accepted

Back in the hut, Kagome was holding a hand of five cards. InuYasha was holding a similar hand. Kagome said "I'll raise you on this." InuYasha replied "you're on. What have you got?" Kagome said "four of a kind. Read it and--." "Straight flush" InuYasha said. When InuYasha laid his cards down, Kagome saw that he was right: a two, three, four, five, and six of spades. "I guess that beats my four eights" Kagome said. Just then, Sesshomaru entered. InuYasha's eyes bugged out until Sesshomaru asked "Have either of you ladies seen a half-demon around here? Red Kimono, named InuYasha?" InuYasha, faking a female voice, said "yeah, he made off with my gold. He went that way." InuYasha pointed outside into the woods. Kagome said "well, he _did_ look a little dreamy." InuYasha said "oh, you. You're always such a man-izer." As they giggled (InuYasha in a female tone), Sesshomaru said "I give you my thanks, ladies." He promptly left, saying "come, Jaken." Jaken replied "yes, me lord." Jaken thought that the one white-haired woman looked a little familiar, but dismissed the thought with "that's impossible; InuYasha doesn't have knockers."

* * *

Later, the sun had set. Kagome had just won another poker hand when InuYasha suddenly transformed into human form. Kagome looked at him and said "wow, now you _do_ look like a woman." She held up a mirror and InuYasha looked for himself. "Holy crap, I _do_ look like a woman" he said. Sango entered and was amazed by how InuYasha looked. "I think we're ready to take on that monk now" she said. Kagome said "okay, InuYasha, you'll be posing as a lady named Sora." InuYasha said "okay" despite shuddering a little. Kagome said "are you okay, InuYasha?" Figuring it out, Kagome said "I suppose it's the kiss that might happen." InuYasha replied "very smart, Sherlock." Kagome simply mimed holding a smoking pipe and said in a British accent "interesting; very interesting."

Later, outside the village, Miroku was waiting. "How lonely could this woman be?" he wondered. In the foliage behind him, Kagome, Sango, and InuYasha appeared. "Okay, hot lips, you're on" Kagome said. InuYasha walked out to Miroku. "Are you the fabled monk whose company I'll have tonight?" he asked in a falsetto voice. Miroku looked and saw who he thought was the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen. His eyes were bugging out. "I am the monk you seek, miss" he replied. InuYasha came closer, and Miroku began his antics. "Tell me what's on your mind, my dear maiden" he said. InuYasha retained the convincing falsetto in his reply of "just you and me, dear monk." Kagome and Sango were trying hard not to laugh. Miroku said "I have a request for you, miss…uhh." InuYasha said "my name is Sora. I heard from a friend that yours is Miroku." Miroku said "your friend is very knowledgeable." He continued with "well, my request is for you to have my children." Kagome and Sango rolled their eyes. "Typical" Kagome thought. InuYasha said "I'd be glad to take you up that request." Kagome and Sango were shocked. "This isn't how we planned it" Kagome murmured. "I thought you guys rehearsed this" Sango said. Kagome replied "well, I didn't factor in the request." Miroku was overjoyed. "I'm glad to hear that, Sora" he said. Sango said "oh, man, this is getting out of hand, Kagome." Miroku gazed into InuYasha's (or rather, Sora's) eyes and said "your eyes are of the prettiest shade of brown. They remind me of those of a good half-demon friend of mine." InuYasha thought "oh, crap." Miroku said "his name's Inu--." "I think I've met that guy before" InuYasha said, "he seemed caring enough, but there's something about him that kind of gets to me. I do imagine his sword's capabilities to be awesome. I hear he can wipe out 100 demons in a single swing." Miroku said "yeah, but how did you hear about this?" InuYasha said "he told me so in bed last night."

Kagome said "what is he doing? This isn't what we planned at all." Sango replied "I don't know, but it's getting funnier and funnier." Kagome, creeped out by InuYasha's comment, said "I mentioned nothing about having slept with his alias the preceding night." Sango cringed and said "that's true." Miroku was continuing to gaze into Sora's (InuYasha's) eyes. "I promise you'll get better than what InuYasha could offer" he said. Sango cringed, big time. Kagome whimpered a little and thought "I can't believe how off-course this is going." Miroku kept gazing and drifting closer. InuYasha thought to himself "okay, just close your eyes and pretend you're with Kagome." Their lips met, and Miroku felt light as a feather. InuYasha, on the other hand, felt heavier than a block of steel. He thought he was going to throw up. Sango and Kagome saw Miroku add a butt rubbing to this kiss. Kagome thought "this isn't going too well."

* * *

After the kiss, Miroku said "Sora, my love, my heart is aflutter." InuYasha, having thankfully lost the vomiting urge, said "so is mine." Miroku asked "another kiss?" InuYasha said "sure, but I first have something I want to show you." He rubbed one of the water pouches in a convincingly sensual manner. Kagome was not exactly comforted by that. "InuYasha, I can't believe you're doing this" she thought. Sango was about to flip out, herself. "InuYasha, you're not supposed to be tempting him" she thought, "InuYasha needs to get out of there, _now_." Miroku was getting very excited. "What is it you want to show me, Sora?" he asked. InuYasha replied "I just want to say that I kind of like you. You're handsome, fun, and…" he removed the gold necklace of Kagome's and resumed his normal voice with "…so _easy_!" Miroku jumped back and yelled "INUYASHA!" Kagome and Sango came out of the foliage laughing their heads off. Sango said "you're such a sucker, Miroku." She unloaded some sarcasm with "I can't believe you fell for that." Miroku gawked at all three of them and asked "why did you do this to me?" Kagome said "if you weren't such a womanizer, you wouldn't have fallen into this." Miroku said "that was still uncalled for, especially from you, InuYasha. I can't believe I fucking kissed you! I also gave you a rump rub!" InuYasha asked "you still want me to bear you a son?" All three of them were laughing at that point. Miroku flinched and yelled "HELL NO!" Sango said "you ready to give up womanizing permanently, now?" Miroku said "I think I'll actually start _checking things out_ before making any moves." Sango thought "he's still going to go at it." InuYasha resumed the falsetto voice and said "I guess you're lucky to have found _this_ lady" as he stroked a finger across Miroku's shoulders. Sango and Kagome were laughing even more.

The ticked monk was quivering as he said "InuYasha, stop. That's enough. I'm going to kick the crap out of you!" InuYasha resumed his normal voice and said "sure." Miroku hit InuYasha in the face with his staff. Soon, a massive fight broke out. Shippo woke up with the commotion and saw the fight. Before Kagome and Sango could intervene, they heard Shippo start chanting "fight, fight, fight, fight…" Kagome said "Shippo, you're not helping." Shippo said "sorry, couldn't resist." With that, Kagome and Sango turned their attention back to the fighting pair. InuYasha yelped out in a soprano tone "oh, not the tenders." Sango went over and yelled "knock it off, you two!" She was unfortunately hit with some crossfire and sent sailing aside. Kagome held her (aluminum) bow and arrow ready to fire, saying "stop fighting or I'll shoot!" Miroku instantly froze and looked at Kagome. InuYasha said "thank you" as he scurried away. Kagome grabbed him before he had a chance to get lost. "You're not going anywhere, InuYasha" she said. InuYasha said "dang." Sango said "you need to behave yourself, monk." Miroku asked "what'd _I_ do?" Kagome barked "you were beating the crap out of InuYasha again." Miroku said "well, you need to keep man-she on a leash." Kagome said "it was actually my idea as well as Sango's." "'Man-she'?" InuYasha asked through gritted teeth. Miroku, shocked, asked "what? Why would you do such a thing?" Sango replied "as we said before, if you weren't such a womanizer, you wouldn't have fallen for that."


	22. To Rip off a Demon Dog: part I

The next day, InuYasha, Kagome, and Sango were still laughing their heads off about what they did to Miroku. Miroku was still a little ticked at having kissed InuYasha. Shippo said "oh, get over it, Miroku." Miroku, trying to retain his patience and calm, replied "why should I? I kissed InuYasha thinking he was a woman." Shippo said "that was _your_ fault, though." Miroku gritted his teeth and said "they're still rubbing it in." InuYasha, in a female voice, said "we can't help it when you're so good-looking." As InuYasha ran his finger between Miroku's shoulders, Kagome and Sango were falling over in laughter. InuYasha, too, was laughing his head off (in his normal voice). Shippo was giggling a little. Miroku said "shut up, all of you. So I made a careless bad decision. Would you stop rubbing it in?" They all looked at each other in silence for a moment and simultaneously said "no" and began cackling again.

Kaede walked in and asked "what's so funny, here?" InuYasha replied "oh, you should've seen us last night. We took advantage of Miroku's womanizing and humiliated him." Kaede said "I'm not sure I follow ye, InuYasha. What exactly did ye do to him?" Kagome said "well, it was a new moon night, so we took advantage of InuYasha's human transformation. He wore ladies' robes, had perfume and makeup, and I added some fake knockers." Kaede looked at InuYasha and then at Miroku. She then busted out laughing. "So, ye thought InuYasha was a woman?" Kaede asked. Miroku replied "yes, and I even kissed him, too." Kaede flinched and said "indeed, ye _are_ foolish. Ye need to learn to think before ye act." InuYasha said "the look on Miroku's face when I revealed my true identity was _priceless_." Kaede replied "ye are one interesting half-demon, InuYasha. Still, ye made a fool out of a monk by dressing like a lady, and using the new moon night transformation to your advantage. Next new moon night, InuYasha, I would like to see this disguise."

* * *

Later on, InuYasha sensed something. Kagome asked "InuYasha, what's wrong?" InuYasha replied "Sesshomaru is somewhere nearby." InuYasha glanced at Miroku and then had a mental light bulb go on. Kagome asked "why would Sesshomaru be around here? He's not going to take Tetsusaiga, is he?" InuYasha said "well, whatever the case, I just got a nice idea. You got any more perfume, Kagome?" Kagome replied "yes, but, why?" InuYasha said "just go with the flow. I'll need removal of this necklace, some hair spray, and the perfume." Miroku asked "what are you planning to do with the perfume, InuYasha?" After a pause, Miroku flinched and said "You're not going to make _him_ kiss you now, are you?" Sango replied "I don't think that's what he has in mind." Kagome said "I'd have to go with Sango on this one. I think he has something better to try on Sesshomaru than what he did to you." InuYasha said "I'm _not_ going to be dressing up like a woman." Kagome asked "why should I remove the necklace?" Shippo said "maybe InuYasha doesn't want the necklace giving him away. Right, InuYasha?" InuYasha replied "yes, Shippo." With that, Kagome removed the necklace and handed InuYasha the hair spray and perfume. "I'll see you later, InuYasha" she said. With that, she was off to her time with the necklace. As the others went to see Kagome off, InuYasha doused himself with the perfume, set his sword aside, and used the hair spray to put his hair into a large Afro, hiding his ears in the process. He then took off and looked at Sesshomaru from behind some shrubbery. "Why are we resting, me lord?" Jaken asked. Sesshomaru replied "all this battling with my brother is wearing me out. I need to recuperate." As Sesshomaru walked on, InuYasha thought of something clever to do.

* * *

Upon reaching the modern era, Kagome was seen by Sota. "Hey, sis" he said, "what's that in your hand?" Kagome answered "this is InuYasha's necklace. I'm keeping it here because he's doing some work." Kagome's mother said "Kagome, we're running low on eggs, butter, bread, and printer ink. Could you go and get us some?" Kagome said "certainly, mom" and got in her car. She went down the shrine's zigzag driveway and was headed for the store.

Back in the feudal era, Sesshomaru was looking for a place to rest himself. Rin asked "Lord Sesshomaru, what about InuYasha?" Sesshomaru replied "I must take him down, Rin, but he keeps outwitting me. I constantly have to fight and find him. I need a rest." InuYasha, in his Afro and perfume, saw Sesshomaru approaching a rock on which he was seated. "Here he comes" InuYasha thought. Sesshomaru said "I eventually will take down my brother; I just need to rest now." Jaken replied "I think we all need to rest, me lord." Rin asked "so you need to take down your own brother? Why?" Sesshomaru replied "Naraku asked me to take him down since he couldn't find him. If Naraku catches me resting, he'll probably have my head." InuYasha, in an Australian accent, said "sounds like you're in quite the pickle there, mate." Jaken looked at InuYasha and, confused by the disguise, asked "who might you be, sir?" Sesshomaru said "just a minute, Jaken" and read a banner InuYasha had next to him. "Assassinations R Us?" Sesshomaru asked. Jaken replied "I've never heard of _this_ kind of service before." Rin said "maybe you should let this sage take out InuYasha." "What?" Sesshomaru asked.

Kagome, meanwhile, had gotten back to the shrine and handed the goods to her mother. "I'll be back soon, mom" she said. Kagome's mother said "okay, Kagome" and watched Kagome speed into the well. She got back to the feudal era and stumbled upon the scene as she was on her way to Kaede's. Fooled by the disguise herself, she thought "who the heck is _this_ creep, and what's he doing with Sesshomaru?" She heard Rin reply to Sesshomaru with "you need your rest _and_ you need InuYasha taken out. Why not rest while this assassin sage takes out your brother?" Kagome thought "Sesshomaru is hiring an assassin? I have to warn InuYasha." Sesshomaru, meanwhile, thought for a moment and then asked "how do you do this, Rin?" Fooled by the disguise himself, he turned back to InuYasha and said "I am Sesshomaru; son of the great dog demon. I want you to take my brother out." InuYasha replied "so, it's your brother, then. I've been wanting to get me hands on him meself for some time, mate." Sesshomaru asked "you know him?" InuYasha replied "yeah. Half-demon named InuYasha. He claims to be able to wipe out a hundred demons in one swing of his sword. I think _that's_ just a load of codswallop, mate." Sesshomaru said "don't underestimate him. I've seen him actually do that." Kagome thought "I wonder if I should warn the others as well as InuYasha. Maybe I ought to try intercepting this guy first."

Sesshomaru said "consider yourself hired then." With that, he tossed a 5-foot diameter bag full to the top with many gold coins to InuYasha. He then said "I'll be waiting by that lake over there" and pointed at a nearby lake. InuYasha asked "should I bring you this plonker's head when I'm through, mate?" "No need" Sesshomaru replied, "just a lock of his blood-stained hair. However, I would like to know the name of whom I'm hiring." InuYasha said "oh, where are me manners, mate? Name's Light." As InuYasha and the unsuspecting Sesshomaru shook hands to close the deal, Kagome thought "so his name is Light. I've got to go find InuYasha." She then thought again. "What if he gets to InuYasha before _I_ do?" she thought, "I have to stop him, and fast."

* * *

As Sesshomaru, Jaken and Rin left, Kagome went to where they were and saw the supposed assassin (InuYasha) packing up. "You wouldn't dare lay a finger on InuYasha. You hear me, Light?" InuYasha, resuming his normal voice, said "I swear, my brother is such a sap." Kagome, very surprised at the revelation, asked "you mean you're playing your brother into thinking you're an assassin?" InuYasha, breaking up the hairspray with his hands to let his hair fall back, said "yeah, and he did something I wasn't even expecting." Kagome, noticing the slivers of remaining hair spray, whipped out a 5-gallon Gatorade container of water and drenched InuYasha. She said "I noticed some remaining hair spray." InuYasha replied "thanks, but you could've used a bottle and not a jug." He grabbed the sack and said "now that I'm through with the disguise, I'll gladly have the necklace again and I need you to hide this in your time." When InuYasha handed Kagome the large bag of gold coins, she was not expecting the amount of weight that it had. Then she said "How much does this bag weigh?" InuYasha lifted it a little and replied "a lot." She peeked into the bag and lost all concern about its weight upon seeing an enormous amount of gold coins inside. "Holy shit, InuYasha, we're rich…I think!" InuYasha said "keep that in your time, and we can see how much they'd be worth in your time. I, in the meantime, will wait." Kagome, trying to lift the bag, said "I could use a little assistance getting this in here." InuYasha agreed and got the bag in the trunk. "I'll see you in a few minutes" InuYasha said. Kagome kissed him and was off.

* * *

Meanwhile, at a nearby lake, Sesshomaru was laying on the sandy shore. "Man, it's good not to stress over taking my brother down since Light is taking care of that" he said. Jaken said "yes, me lord." Rin resurfaced and said "this water feels real good." She saw Ah-Un about to land in the lake. "Lord Sesshomaru, you may want to look out" she said. Sesshomaru asked "what for. We're safe since I have Light taking care of Inu--." Ah-Un hit the water, sending a big (but relatively thin) wall of water into Jaken and Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru finished with "…Yasha." As Sesshomaru spat out some water, Jaken yelled "Ah-Un, you stupid dragon!" Rin dove back down, resurfaced with a rock, and pelted Jaken with it. "What was that for, Rin?" he asked. Rin replied "I just felt like it." Sesshomaru said "enough, you two, we should relax."

Kagome, meanwhile, had arrived back at her shrine when Sota shouts to her "hey, Kagome, back so soon? What's in the car this time, sis?" Kagome opened the trunk and said "something that I need help getting up to my room." She got the money sack out and dropped it behind the car. She and Sota were lugging it up the stairs and over to her room. "This thing is heavy" Sota said, "what's in it?" As soon as they set it down, Kagome opened the sack and Sota gawked at the boatload of gold coins. He said "holy crap, sis, how much is it worth?" Kagome thought for a moment and replied "beats the shit out of me." Sota asked "maybe I could Google a conversion site that accepts this kind of ancient currency." Kagome replied "well, find the site for me, I'll be back in here in a bit." She headed outside and Sota said "okay, sis." Outside, Kagome saw Yuka, Eri and Ayumi walking by. "Hey, Kagome's back from Boston" Yuka yelled. Ayumi asked "wasn't she touring Harvard this time?" Eri replied "yes, she's been going to a lot of universities." As they scrambled up the shrine stairs, Kagome thought "oh, man, I'd better think of something quick." Eri yelled "Kagome, how was Harvard?" "That was a very fine university" Kagome replied.

Back in the feudal era, InuYasha walked into Kaede's hut only to stop in his tracks as he saw Sango and Miroku making out. "Whoops" he said. Sango and Miroku looked and saw him. "InuYasha, where have you been?" Sango asked. InuYasha replied "walking around. What have you two been doing?" Miroku said "we heard Sesshomaru pass by mentioning an assassin he's hired to go after you. I heard him say his name was Light, I think." InuYasha said "Sesshomaru is such a sap, he fell for my disguise." As InuYasha was laughing at that, Sango asked "wait, he was talking to you and he didn't know it? He really _is_ a sap." Miroku said "so, _that's_ why you needed the necklace removed and the other supplies."

Sesshomaru, meanwhile, was enjoying some peach juice that Rin had made for him. "This peach juice tastes wonderful, Rin" he said, "how'd you make it?" Rin replied "I just squeezed out the peaches." Meanwhile, behind some foliage, InuYasha was waiting. "Okay, don't jump out until he's in mid-sip" he thought. Sesshomaru took another sip, and InuYasha yelled "hold it right there, Sesshomaru!" Sesshomaru gagged on the juice and sputtered "InuYasha." InuYasha landed on the sand in front of Sesshomaru. "How's that drink taste, brother?" he asked. Jaken asked "how did he find us?" Rin asked "where's Light?" Sesshomaru asked "what have you done with Light?" InuYasha, feigning innocence, asked "who?" Sesshomaru replied "puffed up hair, strange accent, from Assassinations R Us." InuYasha replied, in the Australian accent, "he was a little tied up at the moment, mate." Sesshomaru recognized the resulting voice and said "so it was _you_, InuYasha." Jaken asked "how stupid could we be?" Rin whimpered "we even gave him a bag of golden coins."

Sesshomaru, upon hearing that, stammered a little and asked "how could I forget?" He then yelled "give that money back, InuYasha." InuYasha replied "you know, I'd love to, but there's a little bit of a problem." Sesshomaru asked "what happened to that money?" InuYasha held up a picture of Sesshomaru that had been Photo-Shopped to look like a female version of him (with tire-sized knockers) and said "that time in bed with her was worth every coin." "WHAT?" Sesshomaru yelled as he cringed. Jaken asked "you got in with a prostitute?" Rin asked "prosti-what?" Sesshomaru said "never you mind, Rin." He then turned to InuYasha and yelled "you pervert," shuddered, and continued with "you son of a--." "…Great dog demon" InuYasha interrupted with. "Time to die, InuYasha" Sesshomaru spat, "especially after sleeping with that female look-alike of me!" He was about to draw Tokijin when InuYasha said "no swords; let's settle this like human men." With that, InuYasha took off Tetsusaiga and dropped it to the ground. "I accept that challenge, InuYasha" Sesshomaru replied. He removed Tokijin and dropped it to the ground. With that, a major fistfight began. Kagome heard the noise and went to the area.

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	23. To Rip off a Dog Demon: part II

When Kagome reached the area, Sesshomaru yelled "hey, no fair tickling!" Sure enough, Sesshomaru was practically incapacitated as InuYasha tickled him all over. "Rin, Jaken, I could use a little help here" Sesshomaru yelled. Rin and Jaken were laughing too hard, much to Sesshomaru's despair. Kagome asked "what's going on here?" Sesshomaru barked back "InuYasha took all my money, you filthy mortal!" Kagome, ticked at his remark, said "InuYasha, sit." InuYasha was slammed down and he asked "what was _that_ about, Kagome?" Kagome grabbed Sesshomaru and dragged him out from under InuYasha, saying "as for _you_…" Jaken asked "what is she going to do with Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin replied "gee, did you _not_ just hear Lord Sesshomaru call her a 'filthy mortal'?" Jaken said "I heard him call her that, I just--." He then thought for a moment and said "oh, my goodness." InuYasha asked "oh, you figure it out _now_, you stupid goblin?"

Kagome, meanwhile, kept dragging Sesshomaru. "Who gives you the right to call me a filthy mortal? You don't even know me that well!" After she had straightened him up, he spat out the mouthful of sand that had accumulated in there as he was being drug. After de-sanding his mouth, he gets a scared look on his face from Kagome's potential actions. He asked "is there a way I can ask your forgiveness, miss? I was just a little ticked at my brother and I snapped." Back with InuYasha, Jaken thought "he's screwed." InuYasha yelled "sock him in the chops, Kagome!" Rin said "he's going to get his butt kicked by InuYasha's lover." InuYasha said "listen, you little twit" as he picked Rin up by the back of her kimono. "I just thought you _were_ lovers" Rin said, "sorry if I'm wrong." InuYasha gently set her back down. "Besides, it merely looks like you should be lovers" Rin said. Jaken yelled "get her, Lord Sesshomaru! Bite her little head off!" He was kicked into the water by InuYasha.

Back with Kagome, Sesshomaru said "please forgive me for saying that, miss." Kagome said "forgiven…after this" and kicked him right between his legs. Jaken and InuYasha winced at this. "Was that really necessary?" Sesshomaru squeaked out. "Serves you right, pervert" Kagome said. "InuYasha is the pervert, miss; not me!" Sesshomaru spat, "_he's_ the one who was sleeping around with that female look-alike of me!" Kagome held the picture up and asked "oh, her?" "Yeah" Sesshomaru replied. Kagome said "this is just a picture of you that was doctored up to look like a female." "WHAT?" Sesshomaru yelled "INUYASHA, YOU SON OF A--!" "GREAT DOG DEMON!" InuYasha interrupted with. "Give my money back, dang it!" Sesshomaru yelled as he charged towards InuYasha. He and InuYasha began fist fighting again.

Jaken, meanwhile, was charging at Kagome with the staff of two heads. "How dare you kick Lord Sesshomaru like that, you wicked wench?" Kagome, defenseless, could only gasp in fear as the staff was powering up its magic. Rin, meanwhile, was looking at this from behind Jaken and had picked up a rock. Jaken yelled "prepare to face the wrath of the staff of two--!" Jaken was cut off as Rin pelted him with a rock from behind. Kagome, stunned by this, asked "why did you just save me?" Rin replied "it's not your fight." Jaken yelled "why'd you do that, Rin?" Rin replied "this doesn't concern you, Master Jaken. The only ones it concerns are Sesshomaru, InuYasha, and InuYasha's lover." Kagome gave Rin an odd look and asked "what do you mean 'lover'?" Rin thought "crap, I forgot, his lover doesn't realize InuYasha heard me say 'lover' only to hear me say it now." Kagome asked "why would you think me and InuYasha are lovers?" Rin replied "I figured that the two of you probably should be a couple."

Sesshomaru and InuYasha were still fighting. InuYasha was suddenly pinned down and grabbed by the neck by Sesshomaru. "Twice, you have made a fool out of me, brother" he said, "give me back my money or suffer my consequences." As Sesshomaru was stating that threat, InuYasha glanced off to his side. There, he saw a large spider, about the size of a salad plate, simply walking along. Sesshomaru tightened his grip on InuYasha's neck and said "it's time for you to die, brother." InuYasha got Sesshomaru turned over onto his back and then picked up the spider. "Not…by…my…watch" he gagged. Sesshomaru looked over at Jaken momentarily. When he looked back at InuYasha, the spider was gently being set down on his face. Sesshomaru instantly had every other thought disappear from his mind as the spider slowly started walking on his face. Forgetting he was holding InuYasha, he screamed like a little girl, releasing InuYasha in the process. InuYasha darted off, grabbed Kagome, and the two of them were gone.

Sesshomaru got up still screaming his head off. The spider dropped off him and he jumped back a little, letting out a shriek in the process. He continued staring at the spider and whimpering. Rin said "get over here, Lord Sesshomaru." As Sesshomaru darted to where Rin was, Jaken said "I'll take it out, me lord." With that, the staff of two heads sent out a massive fireball that consumed the spider. "Rin, are there any more spiders?" Jaken asked. Rin replied "I don't see any more." As Sesshomaru kept whimpering with his eyes shut, Rin said "Lord Sesshomaru, it's gone now." Sesshomaru stopped whimpering and opened his eyes. "Rin, are you sure?" he asked worriedly. He saw a salad plate-sized pile of ashes and stopped whimpering. "Man, I hate spiders" he said, "darn that brother of mine."

* * *

As Miroku and Sango were walking through the woods, they heard a distant Sesshomaru yell "INUYASHA, DAMN YOU!" Miroku said "that sounds like Sesshomaru." Sango replied "he sounded pissed. I wonder what InuYasha did to him." Miroku shuddered and said "maybe he kissed Sesshomaru…_with_ tongue." Sango replied "no, I have a feeling he did something different this time." Just then, Kagome and InuYasha were running out of the foliage laughing their heads off. InuYasha said "I think if Sesshomaru needed a new catch phrase, it would be…" and he started making chicken noises. As Kagome was laughing at InuYasha's chicken noises, Sango asked "what exactly happened, InuYasha?" InuYasha replied "oh, it was _so_ funny, Sango. Sesshomaru had me pinned down and trying to strangle me. Then I look over and see this spider walking by; it was about the size of a salad plate."

Sango whimpered, and Kagome asked "Sango, are you okay?" Sango replied "no, I _hate_ spiders! I can handle spider demons, but not normal spiders; especially not of that size, InuYasha!" Miroku's hand stroked Sango's rear and Sango slapped him. "What was up with _that_, Sango?" Miroku asked, "I was just trying to calm you down." Sango said "that's not really a way to calm a person down." Kagome replied "well, at least it got her distracted." Miroku turned to InuYasha and said "you were saying, InuYasha." InuYasha said "well, I saw this thing walking by, so I got Sesshomaru turned onto his back. Then I picked up this huge spider and put it on his face." As Sango let out a loud shriek, InuYasha started laughing and continued with "he lets me go and is screaming like a little girl." Sango said "I don't _blame_ him!" Miroku asked "is there anything I can do to make you feel any better, Sango?" As Miroku rubbed Sango's butt again, Sango replied "you could refrain from doing _that_" and slapped him again. InuYasha said "typical." Sango said "also, InuYashha, _never tell me this story again_!" She kicked InuYasha right where his legs met, and InuYasha dropped to the ground moaning in pain. Kagome said "okay guys, we need to find more jewel shards. But first, InuYasha and I have a little vendetta in my time." InuYasha painfully groaned "I think I need a little break before we head back, Kagome." Kagome replied "maybe you shouldn't have made her mad, InuYasha."


	24. How Much?

Sesshomaru, after a while, was walking along cussing under his breath. Rin said "I hope you know I can hear all that!" Sesshomaru replied "it doesn't matter now, because InuYasha has all of my damn money!" Jaken said "not all of it, me lord." Sesshomaru replied "I thought all that money was in all that gold." Jaken opened Ah-Un's carrying pouch and said "no, you've got a fair amount of other gold _and silver_ in here." Sesshomaru said "if only I could find out how much I gave that son of a--." Rin asked "great…dog…demon?" Sesshomaru replied "I wasn't thinking of that obvious ending. At least I wrote down how much I started out the day with."

Rin pulled out an abacus and handed it to Sesshomaru. "I guess I might as well calculate that" Sesshomaru said. He counted his remaining gold money and put it on the abacus beads. Sesshomaru then did the subtraction of the result from the money he started the day with. As the beads were being shuffled back and forth seeming endlessly, Jaken asked "how does Lord Sesshomaru do that? He doesn't skip a beat." Rin replied "I taught him. Don't forget that _is_ my abacus." Sesshomaru finally shuffled the last bead and looked very shocked. The abacus slipped out of his hand and fell to the ground, erasing the result. "So, how much was it, me lord?" Jaken asked. Sesshomaru only maintained the shocked stare as a bead of sweat formed on the back of his head. Then Rin asked "Lord Sesshomaru, are you okay?" Sesshomaru fell back and went swirl-eyed. Rin worriedly whined "Lord Sesshomaru." Jaken said "this doesn't look good. Maybe you should re-do it all." Rin agreed and, with the abacus on the ground, set to work re-counting the gold coins and subtracting from what they had started with.

When Rin finished re-calculating, she almost fell back. After hearing her let out a whimper, Jaken asked "so, what is it?" Rin replied "986 gold coins." Jaken let out a horrified scream. "THAT'S HOW MUCH WE LOST?" he then yelled, "THAT ROTTEN LITTLE--!" Rin said "forget InuYasha, now! We need to revive Lord Sesshomaru!" Jaken replied "oh, right." Sesshomaru was still in a swirl-eyed daze as Jaken said "are you okay, me lord?" Rin pleaded "Lord Sesshomaru. Lord Sesshomaru, can you hear me?"

* * *

InuYasha, meanwhile, was with Kagome in her car. They were heading back to the well. InuYasha asked "you mean you haven't even counted it yet?" Kagome replied "I haven't had the chance. Now I can with you helping me." InuYasha agreed, and then Kagome slammed on the brakes. With this near-collision with Kikyo, InuYasha stuck his head out the window and yelled "you want to watch where you're going, jackass?" Kikyo thought "what the heck has Naraku done to InuYasha by turning him to metal?" Kagome gave Kikyo the finger and yelled "get the hell out of the way, mother-fucking bitch!" Kikyo said "piss off, wench" and went on her way after giving Kagome the finger. Kagome resumed the journey to the well.

Once in the modern era, her grandpa was outside. "There you are, Kagome" he said. Kagome got out and asked "what's going on, grandpa?" Grandpa said "Sota is up in your bedroom playing with those coins." After going up to her bedroom, she saw Sota stacking the coins in a triangular arrangement with each coin supported by two others beneath. "SOTA!" Kagome yelled. Sota jumped up, startled by Kagome's sudden shout, and knocked over a section of the arrangement. "Sis, I didn't expect you back so soon" he said. He left, and InuYasha gathered the coins up from everywhere. Kagome knelt down to help, only to be bounded off by Buyo. Buyo subsequently landed on the remaining section of the coin arrangement and knocked it around before jumping onto Kagome's bed. InuYasha playfully asked "Buyo, what are you doing, you crazy cat?"

* * *

They soon had all the coins gathered. Kagome examined one of the gold coins and noticed that each of them had the diameter of a tuna can and the thickness of a flash drive. InuYasha said "well, we might as well get to counting them." Kagome agreed and they were putting them in stacks of ten. When they accumulated ten stacks (of ten coins each), Kagome put the stacks into clusters of 100 coins as InuYasha continued to make stacks of ten coins. Soon, InuYasha had stacked all the coins from the bag. Kagome then counted 9 clusters, 8 completed stacks, and 1 incomplete stack of six coins. InuYasha asked "so, how much have we got?" Kagome stated "I count 986 gold coins." InuYasha yelled out "WHAT?"

Kagome, noticing InuYasha having fallen back with a look of utmost shock, asked "InuYasha, are you okay?" InuYasha moaned "986 coins; man, Sesshomaru is going to be pissed beyond forgiveness; he's going to kill me when he finds out I swindled off _this much_ money from him!" Kagome noticed InuYasha was stressing out about this; especially since he appeared to be hyperventilating in panic at that point. Kagome tried to calm down InuYasha by saying "InuYasha, calm down, please. InuYasha!" The thought of a sit command crossed her mind, but she thought that the command would only make it worse. Then she said "your brother can't get to this time InuYasha, so we are safe." "He might be waiting" InuYasha whimpered. Then she gave him a paper bag and instructed him to breathe in and out slowly. As he was doing so, Kagome said "If you want, InuYasha, I'll go back and ask Sango to keep a look out for Sesshomaru." When he finally calmed down, he said "that might not be needed. However, that's still a heck of a big jackpot." Kagome said "it doesn't sound that much in this time InuYasha." She then looked at the coins dimensions as InuYasha stated "with 986 gold coins, you could buy three castles spanning 5 square miles each, and still have quite the riches left over!" Kagome replied "maybe in your time, but in this time, InuYasha, I'm not sure." InuYasha said "I'd better tell Miroku and Sango." Kagome shouted to Sota "thanks for the website; I'll get to checking the modern day value!" Turning back to InuYasha, she said "I'll come to get you when I figure out the modern-day value."

* * *

Meanwhile, back with swirl-eyed Sesshomaru, Rin asked "Jaken, what are we going to do?" Jaken had an idea. "I have water in this pouch" he said, "I'll pour it on him." Jaken uncorked the pouch and dumped the water onto Sesshomaru, snapping him out of his daze in the process. Rin asked "are you okay Lord Sesshomaru?" Sesshomaru whimpered and said "I hope so." Jaken replied "we figured out how much it was." Sesshomaru said "as did I. We really got suckered." As Sesshomaru let out another whimper, Rin replied "it wasn't your fault, Sesshomaru, it was InuYasha who tricked us." Sesshomaru whined "but he got quite a fortune off us. He's probably sitting pretty in the three 5-square-mile castles he could buy with that while sleeping with god knows who." Jaken said "I understand that was quite a fortune, but he also could be scared on spending that money since he knows that you want revenge…or a refund." Sesshomaru stood up and said "you'd better hope you're right, Jaken. We must find him...NOW!" Rin replied "I have a feeling that InuYasha is truly too scared to spend any amount of money knowing that you're on his tail." Sesshomaru yelled "Ah-Un, wake up!" The dragon's left head awoke, while its right head remained asleep. After butting its right head with its left head, the right head awoke as well. Sesshomaru got on the dragon and said "we're going, guys. MOVE!" Rin and Jaken scrambled onto the dragon and they were off.

* * *

InuYasha emerged from the well on foot, only to duck back in as Ah-Un landed nearby. Sesshomaru said "we question his friends as to his whereabouts. We'll then find him and interrupt his little party at his newly purchased castle with every hooker in the land." InuYasha thought "why would I need a hooker when I've got Kagome? I wouldn't need any castle either, just a hut will do." Sesshomaru and his entourage were walking by the well when Rin said "I don't think InuYasha will be using any of the money since you're looking for him. Also, isn't he in love with that mortal friend of his?" Sesshomaru replied "yeah, _and_ a priestess; who knows _who_ else he'll want to snag." Jaken replied "I heard the priestess tried to kill him, and he lost interest in her after the incident." As their conversation continued into the distance, InuYasha got out of the well and went to Kaede's hut.

He found Sango and Miroku making out. He taunted "Sango and Miroku sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes the love, then comes the marriage…" "InuYasha" Miroku said. InuYasha just continued with "…then comes the baby in a baby car-- OW! What'd you do _that_ for, Miroku?" Miroku said "enough. Besides, you and Kagome are no different." Sango asked "so, how much did you swindle from Sesshomaru?" Miroku looked at Sango and said "oh, right." InuYasha had them lean in, and he muttered "986 gold coins." Sango and Miroku nearly jumped back. "HOLY JEEZ" Miroku yelled. Sango yelled "whoa, man. Holy crap." She nearly had a panic attack. Miroku said "holy shit, InuYasha!" InuYasha hissed "get down, Sesshomaru's coming!" As they got down, they heard Sesshomaru, Rin, and Jaken talking more. Sesshomaru asked "how did you hear about the wench priestess trying to kill InuYasha, Jaken?" Jaken replied "well, a demon told me when I was on my way to get InuYasha to help us with the war we had with the cat demon tribe." Sesshomaru said "well, either way, he needs to either refund me or die." Rin replied "well, given that he knows you're looking for him, he will not show his face around." Sesshomaru said "which is why we need to find him."

Moments later, Kaede and Shippo came in. InuYasha hissed "hit the deck!" Kaede and Shippo both dropped to the floor. Miroku said "Sesshomaru is out there." Kaede asked "why would Sesshomaru be here?" InuYasha said "he's seeking vengeance for my swindling a fortune off him." Kaede asked "how much did ye swindle off yon brother?" InuYasha said "986 gold coins." Shippo yelled "holy shit!" Miroku chided "Shippo, watch your language." Before Shippo said anything else, Kaede said "InuYasha, ye and Kagome need to get married immediately!" Everyone else got a look of shock. InuYasha whimpered "m-married?" and fell back in a swirl-eyed daze. Kaede, not noticing InuYasha's daze, said "aye, married." Miroku said "Kaede, look at InuYasha." Kaede looked and said "oh, my." Shippo said "I guess we should wait until Kagome returns."

* * *

Kagome, meanwhile, had gotten onto a currency conversion website. "Okay, 986 circa-1497 Japanese gold coins" she thought as she typed the amount and selected the source currency. She clicked a button, but then said "crap, I had it set on U.S. Dollars instead of Yen." The computer blipped up "986 gold coins- 1497 Japan = $15,000,000.00 U.S." Kagome was stunned, upon estimating how much Yen it would equal. "Holy Shit!" she whimpered, "Sota, get up here!" Sota came in and asked "what is it, sis?" Her mother and Grandpa were there, too. "I converted the amount and came up with 15 million," Kagome said. Grandpa said "¥15,000,000 could barely even get a Rolls-Royce. What's the big deal?" Kagome said "I don't mean Yen, grandpa. I mean 15 million U.S. Dollars." Her mother yelled "HOLY CRAP!" Grandpa said "U.S. Doll--? Kagome, fetch InuYasha back here at once. The two of you must marry immediately." Everyone else asked "WHAT?" Kagome asked "why?" Grandpa replied "you guys are set for life with that kind of money."

* * *

InuYasha was still in his swirl-eyed daze. Shippo asked "what are we going to do?" Sango said "I'm not sure." Miroku had an idea. He got some ice water and drenched InuYasha. InuYasha shot up, yelling "COLD! HOLY SHIT, THAT'S SO FREAKING COLD!" As he was shivering, Kaede said "aye, marriage." The near-frozen half demon asked "what's that supposed to mean?" "Ye and Kagome must marry immediately, since you have more than enough money." InuYasha shivered "I'm f-f-f-f-freezing here! Could I get a blanket?" Sango got a blanket and moved him closer to the fireplace. "What were you saying, Kaede?" InuYasha asked. Shippo asked "didn't you hear her just now?" InuYasha spat "I was freezing my dingle berries off! I wasn't exactly tuned in fully." Kaede repeated "Ye and Kagome, with the fortune ye got now, must marry immediately!" InuYasha got nervous again. "Married?" he whined, "how do you know we're ready?" Kaede replied "if not, then ye must _get_ ready, and immediately." InuYasha's jaw dropped, then Sango spoke up. "besides, despite having a fortune of _any_ magnitude, why should Kagome and InuYasha get married?" Kaede asked "well, don't they love one another? You _did_ say without regard to finances." InuYasha blushed and said "yes, I do love Kagome." "Then marry immediately," Kaede barked, "ye have an opportunity with all that money!" InuYasha said "look, I'll need to discuss this with Kagome, okay."

* * *

Kagome, meanwhile, was on her way to the car. "I need to discuss this with InuYasha first" she said. Grandpa said "okay, then after that, you can marry here and the other side." "…if they agree to do so" Sota replied. Kagome vaulted into the car over the side and said "I'll be back." She was then off.

InuYasha was waiting at the well. The car raced out of it, and stopped. "InuYasha" Kagome said. "Kagome" InuYasha said. They went to one another and shared a nice kiss. Kagome said "you were right, InuYasha. That amount of money _was_ one hell of a fortune." "Kagome, Kaede is insisting we get married immediately." Kagome, shocked as heck, said "so is my grandpa." InuYasha said "I'm not exactly ready for marrying just yet." Kagome replied "neither am I. I think we'd better wait a while." Once back at Kaede's hut, they were informed about the no-go decision. Kagome said "I'm sensing another jewel shard." With that, they were off.


	25. Sesshomaru's Dream: Tenseiga 2 point 0

After landing Ah-Un elsewhere, Sesshomaru, Rin, and Jaken were going over tactics for fighting InuYasha. Rin was jumping all around a coconut. "You want a piece of me, fox boy?" she taunted, "You can't handle the Rin-ster. Just try it, foxy. You want a piece of the Rin-ster? I've got it right here, fox. You ain't seen--." "Rin," Sesshomaru said, "just pin it!" Rin dove onto the coconut, breaking it and sending coconut milk everywhere, drenching everyone in the process. "Try not to land on it so hard the next time, Rin" Sesshomaru said. With that he swung Tenseiga only to have it slip out of his hand and go flying again. "Crap" he said. Rin and Jaken watched the sword land at the edge of a lake and started to laugh. "Nice tactics" Jaken said. "If you think it's so funny--" Sesshomaru started to say. They then noticed something happening to the sword. The blade and surrounding lake water were emitting a bright blue glow. "What's going on?" Jaken asked. "I'm not sure myself, Jaken" Sesshomaru replied.

After two minutes, the glowing ceased. Sesshomaru went to where the sword was and picked it up. Rin said "hang on, I think I know what was going on. That glow had something to do with the sacredness of this lake." Sesshomaru, perplexed, asked "what could be so sacred about this lake?" Rin said "hang on" and began digging in her robes. As she was pulling out various items, she said "I know it's in here somewhere." She pulled out two pieces of firewood, a bag of rice, an oil lamp, a lot of fruit. Sesshomaru, as Rin continued pulling stuff from her robes, shook his head in disbelief. Jaken asked "how is she able to fit all that stuff in her robes and not have any back pain?" Sesshomaru replied "even I don't know that answer." Rin continued with "that's not it. No, no, no…" and pulled out two PokéBalls, a black notebook, five candles, two _Roman_ candles. Sesshomaru said "That's unbelievable Rin."

She then pulled out a Sesshomaru doll and continued rummaging. Sesshomaru picks up the doll and said "what is this about, Rin?" She had just pulled out an InuYasha doll and paused in her rummaging. "um, well, Lord Sesshomaru, it's a doll that looks like you." Sesshomaru asked "how did you get the white hair?" Rin replied "it's…some of…mine. I just dipped it in…white…paint." Jaken said "then somehow, your hair must've grown back quickly." Rin said "it was off the end; it decreases ease of noticing." Sesshomaru replied "I'll say." She tossed aside the InuYasha doll she was holding and resumed rummaging, saying "now, where'd I put that…?" The doll hit Sesshomaru on his chest, and he scrambled to catch it. As he looked at the doll, he said "don't tell me you made one of my brother." Jaken said "look, it even has a little Tetsusaiga." "You're not helping, Jaken" Sesshomaru spat. Rin kept rummaging, pulling out Kagome's telescope, a bouquet of flowers, and finally, a map. "Ah, here we are" Rin said. Jaken and Sesshomaru were still staring at the pile of other junk.

"Holy crap, look how much stuff there is, me lord" Jaken said. Sesshomaru replied "yes it is a lot of stuff. How did you obtain all this, Rin?" Rin said "well, the telescope I actually nabbed off InuYasha's mortal friend. As for the rest of it, I've had it all along. Did you think I was naked under these robes or something?" As Sesshomaru almost freaked, Jaken remarked "probably." Sesshomaru said "Jaken, you're acting like a pervert." Jaken taunted "Rin and Sesshomaru, sitting in--. OW!" Sesshomaru had socked Jaken in the head and said "are you out of your mind, Jaken?" As Jaken and Sesshomaru continued bickering, Rin said "guys…_guys_…HEY!" Sesshomaru and Jaken stopped bickering and looked. Sesshomaru asked "what is it, Rin?" Rin said "this map labels this sacred lake as 'The Lake of Life'." Sesshomaru asked "the lake of life? I've never heard of such a lake." Rin said "well, very few copies of this map exist. I have one of only four copies in the entire world...as far as I've heard." Rin thought for a moment and said "maybe this lake's sacred properties have something to do with why your sword was glowing." Sesshomaru replied "amazing. Either way, I think we should camp here tonight.

* * *

Later on, they had all finished eating. Sesshomaru had stored all of Rin's stuff in another pouch on Ah-Un and said "that fruit was excellent." Jaken replied "I agree. I'm also glad she had that stock of firewood." Rin yawned and said "we'd better get to sleep." Sesshomaru asked "how do you do this, Rin? How do you know what I'm about to mention?" After a shrug from Rin, they all got to sleep.

* * *

Sesshomaru found himself in a large grassy field. He felt some pulsing from the side of his waist. "Sesshomaru" a hidden voice called. "Who are you?" Sesshomaru asked. He felt more pulsing from the side of his waist as the voice called again "Sesshomaru." "Who calls my name?" Sesshomaru asked. "Draw me out" the voice replied as more pulsing was felt. Sesshomaru asked "Tenseiga?" He felt the sword of healing pulse more. He drew out Tenseiga and saw a blue glow surround the blade. The blade formed its own eyes and mouth. After letting out a strained groan, the sword said "such a long time in that sheath will give you such a crick in the hilt." Sesshomaru had a perplexed look on his face. "You can talk?" Sesshomaru asked. The sword replied "no, I just have this drawing on me from Rin. What do _you _think?" "You're not really helping, Tenseiga" Sesshomaru said. The sword thought for a moment and said "oh, right. Were you wondering why I was glowing all blue in that lake over there?" Sesshomaru confirmed that and the sword replied "well, it's the lake of life. I was absorbing a new ability from it."

"A new ability?" Sesshomaru asked, "what kind of ability is it?" Tenseiga said "well, remember how you were able to resurrect people with me only once? Now, you're not as limited." Sesshomaru thought for a moment and asked "come again?" Tenseiga said "I now have the ability to resurrect people as many times as you please." Sesshomaru gawked in amazement and said "amazing. I wonder how many times I can bring someone back to life." Tenseiga spoke with "you no longer have that limitation." "I'm glad to hear that, Tenseiga" Sesshomaru beamed. The sword replied "you're welcome. Until next time." With that, the sword's face disappeared.

* * *

Sesshomaru woke up from the dream and thought "no longer limited to just one resurrection." He then felt something on his right arm. He looked and saw Rin cuddling it in her sleep. "Oh, Sesshomaru" she muttered. Sesshomaru was perplexed at this and thought "what is she dreaming about?" He leaned in to look more closely, only to have Rin pull him in and give him a tongue-packed kiss. Sesshomaru thought "what the heck?" and was promptly released. "What was with that kiss?" he wondered. Rin squeezed his arm a little and muttered "ah, Sesshomaru my love, my heart is aflutter." Sesshomaru asked "are you okay, Rin?" He then noticed that she was still asleep. "There's got to be a way to get her to wake up" he thought. Rin's hand ran to the edge of her robes and pulled them off a shoulder as she said "for your eyes only, Sex-sshomaru." Sesshomaru was surprised and wondered "'Sex-sshomaru'?" Rin muttered "there you are, don't be shy" and then started shifting back and forth on his arm.

Sesshomaru thought "what the…?" He asked "Rin, are you awake?" Rin, still asleep, kept shifting and said "there you go. Do me, Lord Sesshomaru" and then started letting out a lot of passionate moaning. "Jaken" Sesshomaru called. When Jaken only stirred a little, Sesshomaru said "Jaken, wake up before I throw a rock at you." Jaken woke up and said "me lord, don't tell me you have another migr--." He then yelped out at what he saw. "Jaken, get Rin off of me!" Sesshomaru yelled. Rin said "oh, pound me, Sex-sshomaru, pound me!" Her shifting was getting rougher and rougher. Jaken grabbed Rin and tried pulling her off. Rin said "oh, Sesshomaru, you naughty boy." Sesshomaru, alarmed by her statement and continued shifting and yelping, said "Jaken, I don't think that's a good method" Sesshomaru said, "it's actually making it worse. See if you have any water to dump on her!" Jaken said "yes, me lord." With that, Jaken got a water pouch and dumped the frigid liquid onto Rin's face. Rin immediately awoke looking off to her side. "Oh, man, that felt so wonderful" she said. Sesshomaru said "Rin, you want to get off my arm now?" Rin asked "what are you talking about?" and turned to see where she was. She leapt off Sesshomaru's arm as though having touched a hot pan. "What were you doing, anyway?" Sesshomaru asked. Rin, shocked to the core, replied "given where I found myself, I was sort of hoping you'd tell me."

Sesshomaru said "you had a firm hold of my arm and were shifting in a reciprocating motion. You were also yelping out, calling me 'Sex-sshomaru', and shouting out other things." Jaken asked "Rin, what were you dreaming about?" Sesshomaru replied "something with me and her." Jaken spat "well, no shit. I'm asking what _about_ she and you she was dreaming about." Rin replied "I was only dreaming about seeing Lord Sesshomaru and getting these feelings and urges that I didn't understand and couldn't control. He was gazing at me giddily when my robes dropped to the ground and I said 'for your eyes only'. Then, I had this feeling of utmost pleasure as Lord Sesshomaru was, I'm assuming, overtaken by similar urges. I was saying statements that I don't think make too much sense anyway. One of them was 'pound me', which I wondered about." She pictured, interpreting her first statement, Sesshomaru repeatedly socking her in the chops and continued with "the second statement made even less sense. 'Do…me'…I think it went."

Sesshomaru and Jaken were gazing at her in alarm. They knew what she had dreamt. Sesshomaru said "well, I must get my arm cleansed." As he looked away, Rin had looked downward and noticed something she hadn't seen before. "Lord Sesshomaru, I'll be taking a short walk so I can come to terms with all this" she said. Sesshomaru replied "okay, we'll still be here." Rin went off into the woods and Jaken turned to Sesshomaru. "Lord Sesshomaru, did you notice something…different…about Rin?" he asked. Sesshomaru replied "her behavior was rather erratic." Jaken said "I meant her appearance." Sesshomaru said "well, she _has_ gotten a little taller; that's about all I could see." Jaken said "I think that she's got a couple…permanent…fruits on her." Sesshomaru wondered "permanent fruits?" His eyes bugged out when he figured it out: knockers. "How could I not have noticed that?" he asked, "Mother, why didn't you tell me about what human females go through with this? I'm not sure how much help I can be with this, Jaken."

* * *

Rin, meanwhile, was in a secluded area and she looked at the growths. Running her hand over them, she wondered "what's happening to me? Why do I have these two things all of a sudden, and why do I feel lighter than a feather around Lord Sesshomaru?" As she felt the growths a little more, she muttered "I need to speak to InuYasha's mortal friend…tomorrow after daybreak. Lord Sesshomaru can't be of much help with this."


	26. Girl Chat: Rin's Rite of Passage

Kagome and the others, meanwhile, had stopped to camp out as well. InuYasha was up in a tree sleeping away, dreaming of being in a land of Ramen noodles. Below him, at a nearby lake, Sesshomaru had come to wash his arm off. "I'll need some time to think about this, Jaken" he said, "you return to the campsite." Jaken said "yes, me lord" and headed on his way. Sesshomaru made his way up a tree and gazed out from a view near the top branches. "How could I have completely missed those changes? That's probably nothing, but why am I starting to feel this way about her?" He stretched, only to hit his head on the branch above him. "What the heck?" he wondered. He then noticed that he had woken that branch's occupant.

InuYasha had, indeed, woken up. Sesshomaru thought "InuYasha" and hoped his brother didn't say a word. InuYasha turned and saw Sesshomaru. "What the heck are you doing here?" he asked. Sesshomaru replied "just getting some sleep." InuYasha said "so was I. Although, I heard noises from over that way and couldn't help but notice you and that mortal girl you hang out with getting a little funky." Sesshomaru asked "how would _you_ know, brother?" InuYasha said "oh, come on" and, in a falsetto voice, said "do me, Lord Sesshomaru." He reverted to his normal voice with "I looked over that way and saw where you were camped at." Pointing in that direction, Sesshomaru saw a distant campfire with Rin, Jaken, and Ah-Un by it. InuYasha said "I heard her continue to yelp out passionately. I'm thinking you and her were getting down and--." "Wait! How do you know she wasn't just asleep?" Sesshomaru asked. InuYasha replied "please, Kagome never does that in _hers_." Sesshomaru said "she _was_ asleep. Besides, brother, what is it like to be with a female mortal?" He went red in the face while InuYasha asked "aren't you already with one?" Sesshomaru said "I don't know how else to tell you this, brother, but…I think I may have fallen in love with her. What is it like?" InuYasha replied "it's like a section of heaven came down and encircled the two of you in paradi--. WHAT?" Sesshomaru asked "what is it?" InuYasha asked "you…in love with a human?" Sesshomaru said "it's true, InuYasha. Even I'm surprised at this." InuYasha was heading down saying "wait 'til Kagome hears about this." Sesshomaru said "wait, brother." InuYasha stopped and asked "yeah?" Sesshomaru said "please understand that I want this between us. I still need to uphold my reputation. You mustn't tell anyone, brother." InuYasha agreed and got out of the tree and over to Kagome's camp area.

* * *

Sesshomaru returned to his campsite and went to sleep. He dreamt that he was paralyzed and couldn't move. Many demons were laughing their heads off. Sesshomaru asked "who dares to paralyze me, the great Lord Sesshomaru?" A demon said "well, well, well, you still call yourself great?" Sesshomaru said "yes, I do." A second demon chimed in with "the great Lord Sesshomaru in love with a human?" Sesshomaru glared and asked "who ratted that out? My brother?" The demons stepped aside to reveal Rin. "Hi, Lord Sesshomaru" she said, casually as ever. "Rin? Don't tell me _you_ said something. But, why?" Sesshomaru asked, "how many have you told?" Rin said "only one. _He_ decided to precipitate it all over."

The demons then laughed again. Sesshomaru, getting ticked, asked "which one of you has this paralysis over me?" A Pterodactyl demon said "me, the original precipitator, and I want to thank her." Sesshomaru hissed "release me and I'll take you down like a _real_ demon. You'll feel the power of Toki--. Where are my swords?" Rin asked "oh, these?" and held them up. Sesshomaru asked "How did you get them over there?" Rin said "he threatened to kill me if I didn't and will do so if I return them." Sesshomaru said "you cowards; not wanting to fight me despite threatening to kill a human." Rin said "I'd love to really--." She then glanced behind the pterodactyl demon, pointed, and asked "hang on, what's that behind you?" The demon looked and Rin jumped up and hit it where its legs met. The demon toppled over and Sesshomaru felt the paralysis disappear. "Rin, my swords!" he shouted. Rin passed the swords over and Sesshomaru said "Rin, get behind me." Rin complied and Sesshomaru readied Tokijin. "Dragon twister" he said. Another demon said "oh, shit." Just as the attack shot out, Sesshomaru woke up from the apparent dream.

He found the sun had risen and Rin had been cooking. "Breakfast is ready, Lord Sesshomaru." He asked "what's on tap for breakfast?" Rin, hearing Sesshomaru's stomach gurgle loudly, said "we'll start off with a breakfast tea." Jaken said "that would be a fine appetizer." Sesshomaru said "this'll be nice." Neither Jaken nor Sesshomaru were aware that Rin had infused their tea with a sleeping potion. Sesshomaru drank the tea and said "this tea is delicious, Rin. I've never had tea…that…tasted…" Jaken, too, drank the tea and had fallen asleep. Rin said "good, that'll give me a good two hours." With that, Rin made off on Ah-Un. "Come, Ah-Un, we need to find InuYasha's mortal friend" she said.

* * *

Back at InuYasha's camp area, Kagome and Sango had just woken up. They were starting to prepare breakfast when Sango noticed something overhead. "Kagome, look" she said. Kagome looked and saw Ah-Un coming in. "Oh, what does Sesshomaru want _now_?" she complained. Sango replied "I'm not sure." Ah-Un landed and turned to the side. Kagome said "that's strange; he's not even on board." Sango replied "then who is, then." Rin got off Ah-Un and went over to the two ladies. Sango saw her and thought "it's only that mortal girl he hangs around with." Rin asked "can I speak with both of you?" Kagome looked back at InuYasha and heard him mutter "look at all this chocolate" in his sleep. She then turned back to Rin and said "okay." The three headed elsewhere.

Once they were in a secluded area, Kagome asked "so, what did you want to talk about." Rin replied "well, I think I'm being possessed or…something." Kagome said "What do you mean possessed?" Rin replied "first off, I don't recall having either of these yesterday morning" and pointed out her two growths. Sango replied "you're not being possessed. You're becoming a young woman like Kagome and I." Kagome said "yeah, every girl goes through something like this." Rin replied "There's something else that kind of enhances my theory of possession: whenever I'm around Sesshomaru, I feel light as a feather for some reason. My heart feels like it's fluttering." Kagome said "again, I don't think anything is possessing you. I think you're falling in love with Sesshomaru."

Rin said "I think a little something happened last night. I had a dream where I was with Sesshomaru and had these urges that I couldn't control. I find that I'm removing my robes, getting on top of him, and shouting out phrases that didn't really make sense." An alarmed Sango and Kagome looked at one another and then Sango asked "what were the phrases?" Rin replied "well, I think one of them went 'do…me'?" Sango turned white and Kagome was a little shocked. Rin said "I get these urges a lot. I don't know what to do: follow them or…what." Kagome replied "well, I think that Sesshomaru might not be ready for you to follow those urges just yet." Rin said "okay, I'll try and wait, even though I sometimes accidentally call him 'Sex-sshomaru'." Sango got a very shocked look on her face, turned to Kagome, and said "we never acted like that at her age." Kagome replied "well, we weren't orphaned with no one to educate us at her age either." Sango said "that's true." Rin asked "have either one of you wanted to…in your case, miss…" Kagome said "oh, I'm Kagome." Rin said "thanks. Anyway, have you, in your case, wanted to get together with InuYasha and…well…?" Kagome replied "well, I want to wait until after marriage to do that." Rin said "okay." Sango said "if there's anything else you need to know, feel free to ask us." Rin replied "thank you, miss…" Sango said "oh, I'm Sango." After thanking them, Rin headed back on Ah-Un. Kagome and Sango returned to their campsite and finished preparing breakfast. Kagome said "I don't believe she's like that at such an early age; she's only 13 or so." Sango replied "true."

* * *

Sesshomaru, meanwhile, was having another dream. He found himself in a field. He tried to move and discovered he was paralyzed. He saw InuYasha's friends across the way. "Who's paralyzed me?" he thought. InuYasha was then running over to the others. "Guys, you'll never believe what I saw Sesshomaru doing the other night." Sesshomaru freaked and almost squeaked out "InuYasha, you--." He then thought "my voice; why can't I speak?" Miroku asked "what is it, InuYasha? What did you see?" Sesshomaru thought "who could have paralyzed me and frozen my voice?" He looked up and saw Rin holding two glowing orbs. "Hi, Lord Sesshomaru" she cheerfully said. Sesshomaru tried to speak, but his frozen voice was not able to produce even a squeak. He had tried to say "is that my voice you are holding, Rin?"

Rin split one of the two orbs into two smaller orbs. She then sent one of the smaller orbs into Sesshomaru. Now, when he tried to speak, he sounded very hoarse. "Who paralyzed me, Rin?" Sesshomaru asked. Rin just elevated the larger orb like a weight. "Rin" he said, "why did you paralyze me…_and_ freeze my voice?" Rin said "just felt like it." Sesshomaru asked "is it okay to unfreeze my voice the rest of the way?" InuYasha, meanwhile, was saying "well, Miroku, I saw Sesshomaru and that mortal girl he hangs out with getting _really_ funky." Sesshomaru said "unfreeze my voice now, Rin, and de-paralyze me as well. You're crazy for having done that." Rin asked "if I'm crazy, why don't you have any pants?" "WHAT!" Sesshomaru hoarsely yelled (or tried to, at least). He looked and found that she was right. Sesshomaru asked "Did you do this, Rin?" Rin said "no. I wouldn't have been asking otherwise." She let go of the other smaller orb and it floated into Sesshomaru, restoring his voice in the process. Miroku said "oh, _do_ tell, InuYasha." InuYasha said "well, the mortal girl…" As the guy gossip continued, Sesshomaru said "un-paralyze me, Rin, so I can get my pants and kick my brother's butt." Rin looked and said "oh, nice manhood down there." Sesshomaru suddenly woke from the dream just as Rin was arriving back on Ah-Un. Sesshomaru said "that was one Hell of a creepy dream I had." Jaken wakes up and asked "what dream was that, me lord?" Sesshomaru said "you don't want to know, Jaken."


	27. Maiden Voyage of Miroku II

Kagome and the others had piled into the car. They were on their way in pursuit of a jewel shard. Kagome said "Sango, I think I found out something new about the Shikon jewel." InuYasha asked "something new about it?" Kagome replied "yes. This is how I am able to have this car's gas tank made out of the same material as the jewel without compromising it." She told of her dream with the periodic table of the elements. Sango said "so, let me get this straight--." InuYasha interrupted with "you put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up; you put the lime--." "InuYasha, not helping!" Sango chided. InuYasha said "sorry, couldn't resist." Sango said "anyway, Kagome, let me get this straight: the Shikon jewel is actually an orb of a magical element called Shikonium?" Kagome said "correct, and I'm able to form more of it while limiting the magical properties of the newly made samples." Miroku said "so _that's_ why no demon has ever been coming after this thing's gas tank."

They soon reached the coast. Kagome stopped the car and said "I think we'll need some water transport. We'll stay the night in my era." She went off towards the well. InuYasha said "oh, Miroku, try and control yourself." "What did I do?" Miroku asked. InuYasha replied "let's see, act like a pervert to the ladies of Kagome's time. Especially for Kagome's three friends." Kagome said "yeah, that reminds me." She got the necklace off InuYasha and put it on Miroku. InuYasha said "at least I'm not the one trying to flirt with everyone." Kagome then went off for the well again.

* * *

Sesshomaru, meanwhile, went to the lair of Totosai. The sword smith barked "what are you doing here, pest? I've got swords, and I'm not afraid to use them!" Sesshomaru said "Calm yourself, Totosai, it's me Sesshomaru. My presence is not hostile this time." Totosai then asked "well, what can I do you for? Third sword? Accessorizing gems? Name engravement?" Sesshomaru replied "it's about Tenseiga, but I would like to have another sword afterwards." Rin said "sit, lord." Sesshomaru plowed down and asked "what was that about, Rin?" "Don't you have an effective enough fighting sword?" she asked. Sesshomaru replied "well I was thinking that for the third sword it would be used as either a fire sword or a double-bladed sword." Totosai said "those features will cost extra." "How much total, Totosai?" Sesshomaru asked. Totosai replied "it'll run you 270 gold coins." Sesshomaru was shocked. "Why 270 gold coins?" he asked. Totosai replied "I'm in business, now. Features such as twin blades and fire ability are pricey." Sesshomaru turned and asked "Jaken, how much do I have in there?" Jaken looked and said "you have 269 gold coins and 33 silver coins." Sesshomaru yelled "WHAT?" He then grumbled "damn that InuYasha; especially since it takes 100 silver coins to equal one gold coin." Rin said "this is…not…good."

* * *

In the modern era, the red sports car raced its way out of the well. Everyone got out as Sota ran out to greet them. "Hi, guys" he said. Soon, everyone was inside. Kagome's mom said "oh, InuYasha, I wanted to tell you that it's steak night." InuYasha said "excellent" and continued playing with Buyo. Kagome barked "will you put that cat down, InuYasha." InuYasha put the cat on the floor and Buyo simply rolled on its back. "Who's a good little kitty?" InuYasha cooed, "who's a little kitty cat? Little pussy cat, yes you are." Everyone except Kagome was looking at this in shock. Kagome said "he loves these kinds of pets." Miroku said "I don't blame him." Sango said "it reminds me of Kirara." Soon after, grandpa shouted "OKAY, DINNER'S READY! EVERYONE GET YOUR FAT ASSES AT THIS TABLE!" "Dad" Kagome's mom chided. Grandpa said "sorry, dear."

* * *

Sesshomaru, meanwhile, asked "can't I get a discount for this sword? You knew my father." Totosai said "he's the one who, some time ago, suggested I go into business like this." "Still, can't I get a discount?" Sesshomaru begged. Totosai replied "sorry, sir." Sesshomaru said "then you won't get the information I have about Tenseiga." Rin said "well...not from him, maybe." Sesshomaru said "don't even think about it, Rin." "Sit, lord." After plowing down again, Sesshomaru spat "I'll still not give him the information; only if he makes me a sword, I'll give him the informa--. Rin, where'd you get that gold coin?" Jaken looked and said "Rin, you could've told me you had one of these?" As Sesshomaru grumbled, Jaken said "that makes...270 gold coins." Sesshomaru said "Where did you get that gold coin, Rin?" Rin replied "it was in here with the rest of them." Sesshomaru asked "why didn't you tell me you had that one in the first place?" He handed over the gold coins and said "270 gold coins. Don't you need a fang of mine?" Totosai got some pliers and said "open wide, Sesshomaru." Sesshomaru did so and the sword smith positioned his pliers. "You might want to cover your ears" he said. Rin and Jaken did so. Sesshomaru asked "cover my--? AAAAHHHHHHH!" Sesshomaru looked over at Rin and Jaken and saw them uncovering their ears. "You two are lucky you didn't hear me scream" Sesshomaru said. Totosai said "one double-bladed fire sword." Sesshomaru said "oh, that would explain why you got _two_ of my fangs. Now my mouth hurts."

* * *

Back in the modern times, Kagome and the others were enjoying dinner. InuYasha picked up a narrow-neck red bottle and, mispronouncing the text on the label, said "tab-bay-scew." Sota said "oh, that's Tabasco." InuYasha said "okay," opened the bottle, and began slopping the sauce all over his steak. Kagome took notice and said "uh, InuYasha, that's the kind of stuff you shouldn't be messing with." Finding that she was too late, she said "I'm going to get some water." InuYasha put the bottle down, ate four pieces of sauced steak, but did not get the fifth one down before he felt steam racing out his ears. He was screaming and grabbed Sango's Pepsi. Sango thought "oh, dear" as InuYasha slammed down the whole can of the soda. Miroku said "maybe I should get another one." InuYasha grabbed a metal tray and was smacking himself in the face with it repeatedly. Kagome finally made it back in and found InuYasha smacking himself with the tray. "InuYasha" Kagome said, "InuYasha, give me that!" Grabbing the tray, she handed him the glass of water and said "here." InuYasha drank the glass of water and had finally put his tongue's fire out. Kagome said "InuYasha, _here's_ the steak sauce. What you had was the spiciest stuff known to man."

Grandpa said "I'll trade you steaks…wimp." As the trade occurred, InuYasha stood up and barked "what'd you call me, old man?" Grandpa stood up and said "I said you were a wimp. What are you going to do about it?" InuYasha said "let's see you _drink_ the whole bottle of that!" Kagome said "uh, that's a stupid idea, InuYasha." Grandpa still shouted "if I do that, you do it, too!" InuYasha yelled "YOU'RE ON!" Miroku muttered "this will end badly." Kagome said "I know." Grandpa chugged the entire bottle of Tabasco and said "now you, dog boy!" "Grandpa" Kagome chided, "would you two give it a rest al--." She saw InuYasha already drinking the sauce and, defeated, muttered "…ready." InuYasha got the whole bottle down, slammed the empty container onto the table, and said "beat you, old man." His tongue immediately flared up. Grandpa's tongue too had started smoldering as well. Kagome heard both of them screaming, got water for them, and said "enough of your stupid challenge." After extinguishing their flames, they gawked quizzically at Kagome. Kagome said "now no more challenges." Her mom said "now, I'm not sure what to do with this tray; it's all dented." InuYasha said "you could keep it for when you're serving something al dent-é." Kagome's mom started laughing as everyone else groaned. "Lame joke" Sango said, "_very_ lame joke_._"

* * *

Back with Sesshomaru, Totosai was hammering the fangs into blades. Sesshomaru said "I believe Tenseiga has gained a new ability." Totosai said "a new ability, how interesting. Tell me more." Sesshomaru said "I was swinging it when it slipped out of my hands and into a lake." Totosai snorted and said "klutz." Sesshomaru said "laugh all you want, old man, but the sword started emitting a blue glow when it was in the water." Totosai stopped laughing and muttered "the Lake of Life." Sesshomaru started with "precic--." He then got mildly shocked and asked "wait, how'd _you_ know about this lake?" Totosai pulled out a map and said "this is one of only four copies of this rare map. The lake up here is described as being sacred." Rin said "I think I have one of the other three copies, Totosai." She pulled out her copy and Totosai said "how astounding. So, what's the new ability that was gained from the lake?" Sesshomaru replied "the sword is no longer limited to just one resurrection." Totosai was overwhelmed. "That's an amazing new ability" he said.

* * *

Back in modern times, Kagome, InuYasha, and the others were outside by the car. "So, where is this special watercraft?" InuYasha asked through a mouthful of sherbet. Miroku asked "do you _ever_ stop eating?" InuYasha replied through the same mouthful of sherbet "hell no." Kagome said "InuYasha, swallow what you have and then talk." InuYasha swallowed and said "sorry." Kagome asked "so, what did you ask me earlier? I couldn't get a word of that since I don't speak Sherbet." InuYasha said "I asked where this special watercraft is." Kagome said "it's over here in the shed." She opened the shed and pulled out the trailer holding the very boat she won at her school picnic. Painted the same shades of purple as Miroku's robes and bearing yellow text reading "Miroku II," the others were amazed. "Whoa" InuYasha said. "Look it has a miniature version of the staff's headpiece" Shippo said. Sango asked "so boats from this time have wheels?" Kagome replied "no, the wheels are only on this special cart the boat sits on. This cart, called a trailer in my time, allows me to take the boat with me where there's no water."

Then, an all too familiar voice called "oh, Yashey-Washey!" InuYasha's ears perked up and he thought "oh, crap, don't tell me it's Kagome's three friends." Shippo said "hey, it's Kagome's three friends." InuYasha muttered "son of a buck." Sure enough, Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi all came over. Ayumi went over to the boat while Yuka and Eri both got hold of InuYasha. Eri said "so, what are _you_ up to, Yashey-Washey?" InuYasha, slightly ticked, said "Kagome, I could use a little--." InuYasha was cut off by Eri giving him a massive kiss. Miroku slapped his hand over Shippo's eyes. Shippo yelled "hey, why is it so dark, now?" Kagome turned to see InuYasha being kissed by Eri and held by Yuka. The kiss ended and Eri asked "…action? You were saying you could use a little action? I could probably arrange _that_." Sango gasped and Kagome yelled "ERI!" Yuka said "yeah, you got action from him the last time; it's _my_ turn." Kagome said "Eri, Yuka, let go of him before I kick your sorry rear ends."

They released him as Ayumi said "besides, you two, you ought to be checking out this thing." Kagome noticed that Ayumi had gotten in the boat. Ayumi then said "I think Kagome is going to take this thing for a spin!" InuYasha scoffed and said "it's not like you're invited to join us." Kagome, forgetting that the necklace was on Miroku, said "InuYasha…" InuYasha casually asked "yeah, what?" Kagome said "SIT, BOY!"

She heard Miroku slam into the ground and yell "I didn't do anything; what was _that_ about?" InuYasha said "I can't believe you said that since Miroku's got the necklace and not me." Kagome got the necklace off Miroku and on InuYasha. "Okay, smart butt" she said. She then turned to the monk and asked "are you okay, Mir--?" Her eyes bugged out as she saw the monk by Eri and Yuka. He was rubbing a certain area on them as he said "if you wanted a little action, you could've asked me." The two were quivering as Miroku kept rubbing until they finally screamed and hit him. InuYasha said "Miroku, just because Kagome isn't threatening you with the necklace, it doesn't mean you can start womanizing." Kagome said "I'd have to agree with InuYasha on this one; no womanizing or that necklace is going right back on you." Miroku said "all right, I'll stop." Yuka looked at her watch and said "holy smoke, we're going to be late, guys." Eri said "yeah, we'd better get going." Shippo asked "where to?" Ayumi said "we promised Hojo we'd meet him at the ballgame tonight." With that, the three went off with "see you, Kagome."

* * *

Later, at a local boat ramp, Kagome was reading up on how to launch the boat. InuYasha, as per Kagome's instructions, disconnected the trailer lights and brakes and then said "okay, Kagome." Kagome said "okay, now undo the tie-down straps." InuYasha did so and signaled to Kagome. She gave InuYasha the end of a line attached to the boat saying "hold this so the boat doesn't get away. Kagome backed up in the car to maneuver the trailer down the ramp. Kagome stopped short of the water, got out, and undid the safety chains on the trailer. She then maneuvered the trailer into the water, released tension on the winch, and disconnected the winch from the bow hook. When Kagome pushed on the boat, Sango and the others were amazed when the boat simply floated off the trailer. InuYasha kept his grip on the line he was holding as he moved the boat to the nearby dock and secured it. Kagome, meanwhile, pulled the trailer back out onto land and parked the car elsewhere. Sango said "that boat is so awesome." Miroku said "that thing is sleek-looking, but where are the paddles?" Kagome sprinted back to the dock from the car and said "okay, let's get on board, guys."

They got in and Miroku asked "Kagome, where are its paddles?" Kagome replied "they're not really necessary, but there are 'just in case' paddles in that compartment near the bow." She pointed out the compartment in question and Shippo asked "so, if the paddles aren't needed all the time, how do we get underway?" Kagome replied "like this" and started the boat's engine. "Untie us, InuYasha" she said. InuYasha untied the boat and said "okay, Kagome." Kagome backed the boat up a little and then threw the throttle full forward. As the boat took off, everyone got pushed back into their seats. Shippo said "holy shit." Kagome chided "Shippo." Shippo said "sorry, but that scared the crap out of me. What the--?" Sango said "we get the idea and don't blame you." Miroku, not noticing this conversation, said "oh, yeah! WHOO! This thing has got speed!" InuYasha was standing up and yelling "WHOO-HOO! This is the best boat ride ever! YEAH! WHOO-HOO!" Shippo said "InuYasha, I think that's a big understatement." Kagome said "InuYasha, get back in the seat, please" and turned on the panel lights and navigation lights. InuYasha sat back down with his excitement going sky high. He then stuck his head out past the windshield and looked ahead.

Meanwhile, on a bridge ahead of the boat, Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi glanced over to see a boat far off but closing in. InuYasha had his head out to the side of the windshield and screamed with excitement. "WHOO!" he yelled, "hey, ladies, WHOO!" Kagome turned to InuYasha and said "InuYasha, enough of the yelling. We know already that the boat is awesome." The boat had passed below Kagome's three friends and they recognized the voice. Eri said "wow, sounds like InuYasha is excited." The three resumed their walk to Hojo's house as Ayumi said "true, but it's too bad he keeps turning down opportunities for us to get him _more_ excited." Yuka said "not before _I _get him more excited, Ayumi." Eri said "you two are going to look very embarrassed when you miss your opportunities while _I_ get laid with him."

Later, the boat was getting back to the dock next to the boat ramp. InuYasha said "wow, Kagome, you are one heck of a good boating instructor. Thanks for teaching us about how to drive this thing." Miroku said "I am amazed at this thing's turning ability, there's no boat in our time that can turn quite as sharply." Kagome got the boat tied at the dock and replied "thanks, guys. Now, we can get to that offshore jewel shard; tomorrow after breakfast."


	28. A Bad Mermaid Demon & Koga's Revalation

The sun had risen over Tokyo on a beautiful clear day. Kagome's mom was packing up a lunch for her. Up in Kagome's room, Kagome was kneeling down next to a sleeping InuYasha. He muttered in his sleep "wow, look at all this chocolate." Kagome shook her head and said "typical." Her mom then said "Kagome, breakfast is ready." Kagome replied "okay, we're coming." Turning back to InuYasha, she shook him and said "InuYasha, you've got to get up." InuYasha stirred a little. Kagome then gave InuYasha a major-league kiss with tongue. He woke up immediately. After the kiss, he asked "is it time to go?" Kagome replied "no, it's just breakfast time." InuYasha was in a drowsy stupor as the two headed down the stairs. Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Sota were all on the Wii.

InuYasha stumbled into a vase that Kagome made in her school when she was 12. Kagome dove down and made a perfect catch and loud landing. Miroku paused the Wii game as he, Sango, Shippo, Sota, and Kagome's mom went to see what happened. "What happened here?" Shippo asked. Kagome said "InuYasha just stumbled into this vase. Nothing more to see." Miroku asked "why does he look so drowsy?" Kagome looked and said "he's half-asleep, I guess. I had to wake him up. I'll just need to find some caffeine for him." Sango asked "how did you wake him up?" Sota got a sly smile on his face as he replied "Maybe Kagome and InuYasha are getting down and--." Kagome shrieked and then said "we didn't do _that_!" Sota went to the kitchen and muttered "_sure_, you didn't." Sango said "I doubt Kagome would be as perverted as Miroku is." Miroku said "hey, I can't help it. You're the only one for me, Sango." InuYasha went a little further only to fall back and almost hit the Wii. Kagome helped him up and said "here, let's get to the kitchen, okay."

After some caffeine, InuYasha perked up a little. He then heard his stomach gurgle loudly. Breakfast was served and they all enjoyed the meat-packed omelets, pancakes, waffles, and French toast. After the meal, Shippo said "let's go and finish our game." As he, Miroku, Sango, and Sota went to the other room, InuYasha said "_merci, mademoiselle_ Kagome." Kagome heard a match get lit and asked "grandpa, _must_ you smoke at the table?" Kagome's mom saw the lit match and unlit cigarette with grandpa and said "dad, outside now!" Grandpa got up and went outside as Kagome's mom muttered "honestly." Kagome said "so, InuYasha, how about doing something special?" She twitched her eyebrows suggestively and InuYasha said "oh yeah."

* * *

At Totosai's lair, the sword smith had just finished creating the individual blades. Sesshomaru said "so far, this sword looks like it'll be worth the 270 gold coins." Rin said "I think I've got something for you that'll be worth more." Sesshomaru asked "what would that--?" Rin landed on Sesshomaru with the most intense kiss she had ever given him; she even involved some tongue. She then grabbed Sesshomaru's hand and stuck it into her robes and onto her boobs. Sesshomaru thought "crap, why does Rin always try to seduce and tempt me like that?" He even felt his lower member begin to extend. He thought he would melt at any time until he snapped out of it. Jaken took notice at that point. "Rin, get off of Lord Sesshomaru now!" he yelled. Sesshomaru was able to get Rin off of him and pull his hand free of Rin's robes. Totosai said "ah, love is in the air." Sesshomaru replied "this isn't the best time."

* * *

Meanwhile, in a cave around the northern area, the wolf demon Ayamé was in her quarters. A servant came in saying "lady Ayamé." Ayamé immediately flung her hands over herself. The servant was a little shocked by seeing Ayamé butt naked. "Maybe I should come back when you're dressed, Lady Ayamé" the servant said. Ayamé replied "that would be a wise idea, Vinnie." Vinnie went and waited. After a while, Ayamé signaled Vinnie and he said "forgive me for walking in on you like that." Ayamé saw he was still red. She then said "you are forgiven. So, you have word on Koga's whereabouts." Vinnie replied "with the last I heard, Koga was going to an offshore shrine inhabited by a mermaid demon to get a jewel shard." Ayamé said "I will go out to get Koga after notifying the elder wolf." She went to the main area and saw the elder wolf.

At Kagome's place, everyone was ready to go. InuYasha had the boat fully prepped for the trip. Kagome said "okay, guys, we've got a jewel shard to get to." With that, they were off. Upon arriving at the feudal era, the dashboard jewel shard ADF came to life indicating the location they had scouted out last. After quite a drive, they arrived at the coast. Koga, meanwhile, was with Ginta and Hakkaku with a more traditional boat further down the coastline. "We must get this shard and return it to InuYasha for Kagome's sake. Her death must not have been in vain." The other two agreed and got in. Back with Kagome, InuYasha was unhooking the boat from the partially submerged trailer. He got it onto the sand as Kagome moved the car and trailer elsewhere where the tide would not go. She removed her shoes and socks and left them in the car before going over to the boat. Soon after, they were on their way.

What neither Kagome nor Koga knew was that an entire fleet of traditional boats was heading off the coast in pursuit of them. Aboard the flagship was Ayamé. "I'll show _him_ for ditching me for a human girl; especially when we were engaged to be wed" she spat. Over on the motor boat Miroku II, Kagome and the others were cruising at half speed. InuYasha saw something approaching from behind. "Kagome, get down!" he said. Kagome ducked as InuYasha took the controls. "What is it, InuYasha?" Sango asked. "Koga's coming" InuYasha said, "don't forget that he thinks that Kagome is dead." Kagome said "oh yeah, now I remember" and stayed down. Koga's boat came up alongside. "InuYasha" Koga said, "we will get this shard together for Kagome's sake. She will not have died in vain." InuYasha said "I agree" and then thought "Koga, you dolt, you have no idea." Unfortunately, Kagome sneezed at that moment. Koga asked "what was that?" Shippo, whom had been asleep the whole time, woke up and saw Kagome laying low on the floor of the boat. "Kagome, what are you doing down there?" he asked unaware of Koga's presence. "SHIPPO" InuYasha hissed. Koga said "hang on." Kagome got up and said "crap, he knows, InuYasha." Koga said "I thought she was dead, and I gave you my jewel shards. You son of a--." InuYasha said "great dog demon." Koga spat "you give those shards back!" InuYasha threw the throttle forward and the boat took off. "That son of a buck" Koga spat.

InuYasha turned the boat so that it was racing towards Koga's boat on a perpendicular course. Koga got to the bow of his boat as Ginta and Hakkaku crowded up the stern. The speedboat slammed into the broad side of the traditional boat and kept racing on. As the motor boat turned back towards its destination, Koga yelled "I'll get you, you mangy mutt! Damn you!" He then heard Ginta say "uh, Koga" and felt water coming up over his feet. Sure enough, his boat was sinking. "Oh fuck" Koga said. Now, they were stuck without a paddle. "That mangy mutt" Koga spat as the boat sunk out from beneath them all, "he'll pay for swindling my jewel shards and sinking my boat like that." Hakkaku asked "wasn't that boat a rental?" Koga said "jeez, you're right. Damn you, InuYasha! How could it _possibly_ be any worse?" A female voice called "Koga, you two-timing son of a bitch!" Koga went pale and said "oh, shit, it's Ayamé." Ayame got her boat next to Koga and drug him aboard. Some other servants pulled Ginta and Hakkaku out of the water as well. "You're in _big_ trouble, you bastard!" Ayamé yelled, "ditching me when you knew we were to be wed!" Koga pleaded "Ayamé, please have mercy." The female wolf demon and her servants hauled Koga and his companions off in another direction. Koga said "next time, InuYasha, I'm going to get my mother-fucking jewels back!" Ayamé said "I'm going to bust your ass. But first, about those jewel shards, you'd better not be putting them before me!"

* * *

Back with Kagome, InuYasha was looking on with binoculars. "Ooh, Koga's in deep shit" he said. Kagome, back at the controls, said "there it is, it's an offshore shrine." They later parked at one of the shrine's open piers. Miroku secured the boat to the pier and they disembarked. Suddenly, the sky went dark and a female voice said "how dare you trespass on this shrine, demon!" A mermaid demon came up out of the water and said "you're after my jewel shard, I suppose. You'll never get this shard from me without a fight." Sango reared back and sent the Hiraikotsu flying. The immense boomerang sliced into the mermaid demon's fin/abdomen interface at her waist. A large shard came out and Shippo grabbed it. While the demon was distracted, everyone got onto the motor boat. InuYasha, however, commandeered a small raft. Shippo stashed the shard in the glove compartment. The two craft were soon speeding away as the raft was towed by the motor boat. The mermaid demon said "half-breed, you're fool for trying to battle me." The demon gave chase and said "get back here, you cowards!"

After some distance, the pursuing mermaid yelled "not so fast. Give me my jewel shard." The mermaid was about to make a move when InuYasha said "you're dead, mermaid! WIND SCAR!" The mermaid dove down momentarily and said "you missed." Kagome, also on the small raft, unhooked its tow line from the motor boat as Sango slowed the boat to a halt. "You dare attack me when I'm not looking, half-breed?" the mermaid spat. InuYasha said "yeah. What are you going to do about it?" The mermaid made a motion with her hands. InuYasha was about to send out another attack when he felt himself pulse. Kagome saw InuYasha's hair turn black and said "this is impossible; InuYasha couldn't turn full human in broad daylight." Unfortunately, he had been transformed. "Damn you" InuYasha spat. The mermaid said "now that I have you subdued, I'll take care of your companion. DIE!" InuYasha saw the mermaid's tail coming down at the raft. "Kagome, look out" InuYasha yelled. The tail hit the raft, smashing it to pieces.

Kagome soon came back up and saw a lot of wooden wreckage with the intact motor boat some distance away. She couldn't find InuYasha anywhere. "InuYasha!" she desperately called. She saw him surface on a wooden plank a little ways away. He appeared to still be in human form despite the time being 11:30 in the morning. "Hang on" she said as she started swimming to him. InuYasha, heavily injured from the impact, weakly muttered "Kagome, head for the shore. Save yourself." Kagome said "no, InuYasha, I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to let you die." InuYasha muttered again "save…yourself, Kagome." He then passed out, lost his grip on the board, and slipped below the surface. Kagome yelled "Sango, you and Miroku distract the demon while I save InuYasha!" She promptly dove down after InuYasha. She saw him silently drifting downwards. She knew he had to be drowning since he was unconscious. "I've got to save him" she thought. After a minute-and-a-half descent, she finally got hold of him.

Back at the surface, the mermaid asked "now, you wretches, where have you hidden my shard?" Shippo pointed off the side of the boat and said "over…that way…somewhere." The mermaid said "I believe _you_ possess it." Sango stepped in and flung the hiraikotsu. The mermaid demon dodged it and said "ha, you missed." The massive boomerang, however, swung around and hit her on its return trip. The mermaid was killed on impact. Miroku held out his hand and yelled "wind tunnel!" The mermaid's remains were sucked in and eliminated. Shippo "I think she's gone." Meanwhile, some 20 meters below the boat, Kagome was hauling InuYasha towards the surface. She felt him pulse and thought "he's becoming half-demon again. That mermaid must've been taken out." She looked and saw InuYasha's hair was white again. She kept going since she could barely hold the breath she had. Unfortunately, the breath released. Kagome made sure that she didn't inhale since there was still one more minute to get to the surface.

At the surface, Sango and Miroku were looking at the shard. "So, you put it _there_" Miroku remarked. Shippo said "yeah." Sango said "hang on. Where are Kagome and InuYasha?" Miroku saw Kagome surface at that moment. "There she is" he said, "she's got InuYasha." Kagome was starting to get InuYasha over to the boat while keeping him above water. "InuYasha, please stay with us" she said, "don't tell me my efforts are in vain." Sango saw Kagome struggling with InuYasha and said "Kagome, here!" Kagome reached the boat and Miroku asked "Kagome, are you okay?" Kagome said "I'm fine, but I'm not sure about InuYasha." Sango asked "how long was he underwater for?" Kagome said "he passed out and slipped under around three minutes ago." Sango said "here, let us get him in here for you. We'll head to shore once you and he are on board." Miroku and Sango hauled out InuYasha and helped Kagome on board.

Shippo said "oh, goodness." Kagome got to him. As the boat started towards shore, Kagome said "InuYasha, can you hear me?" She started pushing on his stomach to expel the water. "Stay with us, InuYasha" she pleaded. With every push, some water was expelled out. Shippo said "at least water is coming out." Kagome to expel the water and replied "I still don't know if it's too late." Miroku, at the wheel of the boat, said "we don't know that for sure, so keep it up." Sango said "I'll have to agree with Miroku."

* * *

After a while, they made it to the shore. They all got InuYasha onto the sand. Kagome continued expelling the water. As the amount on each expulsion began to dwindle, Kagome was starting to get worried. "No, InuYasha, come on" she pleaded. She put in two more desperate attempts. With no response from him, her eyes began watering. "InuYasha" she muttered in ever increasing sadness. Shippo wailed "oh, InuYasha is gone forever!" Kagome flung herself onto InuYasha and started crying. None of them knew that this had expelled some more water. Miroku said "don't cry, guys. We must pray for his repose. InuYasha left no regrets when he passed on. He wanted to save you, even if it cost him his life." Kagome got back up and said "I can't live with that, Miroku. What am I supposed to do now? InuYasha, you're such an idiot! How could you die on me?" She flung herself back on him, unknowingly expelling water in the process. She then heard InuYasha start to cough a little. She instantly stopped crying and muttered "InuYasha." InuYasha rolled over and was coughing up a lot of water. He opened his eyes and said "Kagome, why didn't you head for the shore like I asked?" Kagome, resuming her crying, said "I could never leave you to die like that. I love you too much. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know you're trying to protect me, but I have to protect you as well. I don't want you doing that when you're life is on the line." InuYasha got to his feet and said "stop blubbering. I'm alive. What's the big deal?" Kagome sobbed "I'm not blubbering." InuYasha said "okay, then crying." "I am not" Kagome said. "Are so" InuYasha said. "Shut up and sit" she said. InuYasha was flung down into the sand. Kagome stopped crying and Shippo said "_now_ he's dead." InuYasha got back up and was spitting sand everywhere. Kagome gave him bottled water to rinse his mouth out.


	29. A Pre Winter Night's Exam Crisis

After getting to Kaede's village, Sango yelled "Miroku, you pervert" and slapped the monk. Shippo said "nice contact on that one, Sango." Miroku said "shut it, Shippo." Miroku then heard another voice call "Miroku, I heard that InuYasha drowned. What's going on?" Sure enough, a raccoon-badger was heading for them. "Hachi" Miroku said, "everything is all right. InuYasha is fine." Sango remarked "he's also asleep." InuYasha, in his sleep, moved a little and muttered "Sesshomaru, what do you mean you're gay?" Kagome yelled "SESSHOMARU IS GAY?" InuYasha jerked awake and saw Kagome look pale. "Kagome, what's your deal?" he asked. Kagome said "I heard you say that Sesshomaru was gay, but I guess that must've been a dream." Hachi said "InuYasha, it's good to see that you're well. I was so worried when I heard that--." InuYasha said "I'm glad you're asking me how I'm feeling, but let's not get into too much detail about what happened." Hachi said "okay, then." With that, Hachi went off. Kagome said "that reminds me, I need to get back to my time for a few days. I'll leave tomorrow morning."

That evening, Kaede asked "so, InuYasha turned full human in broad daylight?" Kagome replied "yes, that mermaid demon sent out a transformation curse that lifted when she was slaughtered." A flea perked up and asked "Master InuYasha, you could've drowned. What were you thinking?" InuYasha was getting ticked as he said "Myoga, mind your own business." Kagome said "InuYasha, he was concerned for your life, as was Hachi. We're only concerned about you because we care about you. Please understand InuYasha." InuYasha thought for a while and said "thanks, Kagome." After a bit of solemn silence, Hachi came in with a large cauldron and said "soup's on!" After a lovely meal, Kagome said "let's go somewhere secluded. I bet there's something you want to do before I go back." As Kagome twitched her eyebrows suggestively, InuYasha said "oh, yeah" and headed out with Kagome. After a while, everyone got to sleep.

* * *

Kagome returned to the modern era the next morning. Sota was very excited. "Hey, sis" he yelled, "you're finally back! We're going to be late for school!" Kagome asked "well, what about breakfast?" Sota said "oh, yeah. Here's a pop tart." Soon after, the two were off to school. Sota said "sis, it's nice that you can drive to school. Especially in as stylish of a ride as this thing has." "That's true, Sota" Kagome replied. She then hit the stereo on and a male vocalist was singing "Take me away, I don't mind. But, you'd better promise me I'll be back in time…" Kagome thought "I wonder how Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi have been lately. I bet they're still obsessed over InuYasha."

Later, Kagome and Sota arrived. The car stereo was pumping out "you've got a feeling. It's electric. Boogie-woogie-woogie-woogie…" Kagome killed the engine, and the radio lapsed into silence. After getting out, Hojo was heard saying "hey, Kagome." Kagome said "oh, hi, Hojo." Hojo asked "so, how was Detroit?" Kagome replied "Detroit was amazing. Their university was very nice." Hojo said "sounds like you had a nice trip." Soon after, Kagome found Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi. "Hi, guys" Kagome said. Eri looked and said "Kagome's back from Detroit. Hi, Kagome!" Yuka asked "so, how is Yashey-Washey, Kagome?" Kagome replied "InuYasha is doing fine, but can you guys stop calling him Yashey-Washey; that's getting old."

During lunch, Kagome and her friends were talking. "So, what's InuYasha been up to, lately?" Eri asked. Kagome said "well, I had to save him from drowning yesterday." The other three girls were aghast. "From drowning?" Yuka asked. Ayumi said "oh, goodness, is he okay?" Kagome replied "well, he is _now_, but he wasn't responding when I first pulled him out." The three girls gasped. Eri said "dear god. I can't believe he nearly died on you." Ayumi said "well, at least he recovered. That's what counts." Yuka then asked "now that we're over that, why are you touring all those universities in the United States when Japan has plenty of them?" Kagome replied "I wanted to get out and see the world…of Professor Derus." Eri said "holy cow, you're in love with Professor Derus." Kagome said "no, I'm not." Ayumi said "I'd have to agree with Kagome. Besides, I heard rumors that he was dating another professor from the United States who is also coming to Japan sometime next week." Kagome asked "I wonder who she is."

Later, Kagome was sitting in her algebra class. The instructor was writing various topics on the board on various bits of material. Later in the lecture, he wrote a very complex problem and said "this problem will be on the test in two weeks; memorize it well." Kagome went pale and said "what test?" She put her head on the desk and thought "I'm screwed." After school was out, Kagome found her three friends and said "listen, I need to borrow your notes for the upcoming test. It'll only be a while." Eri said "we have exams, too. However, we could make a quick photocopy." "Thanks" Kagome said. Ayumi replied "but, in exchange, we go to Palace of Pizzas."

* * *

Back at the shrine, InuYasha arrived. He sniffed for Kagome, only to notice a very awful scent from the house that overwhelmed every other scent. InuYasha gagged and thought "where's that damn smell coming from? That's awful!" He went to the house and saw Kagome's grandpa holding a lit cigarette. "Hi, InuYasha" he cheerfully said. InuYasha, pissed by the smell, asked "what are you doing, old man?" Kagome's grandpa took a deep inhale off the cigarette and replied "a few of these things a day helps keep me calm." He exhaled the rest of the cigarette smoke and InuYasha was hacking his head off as he went in. Kagome's mom was heard yelling "dad, are you smoking again?" InuYasha was still coughing as he replied "yes he is." Kagome's mom replied "oh my, InuYasha, are you all right?" InuYasha let out one more cough and said "I'll be okay." Kagome's mom said "dad, put that thing out, now." Grandpa replied "I thought I _was_ outside, though." Kagome's mom said "still, put that out and come back inside." Grandpa did so and said "okay. So, InuYasha, Kagome said that something potentially disheartening happened on that boat recently." InuYasha said "yes, but this isn't the best time."

* * *

At Palace of Pizzas, Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi simultaneously said "thanks, Kagome." Kagome was shaking her head and asked "this stuff again? You'd better not ditch me this time, guys. If you do, you'll owe me money." The other three ate some pizza. Ayumi said "agreed, Kagome." After Kagome stuffed another slice of pepperoni in her mouth, Eri said "there you go thinking again. What's on your mind?" Kagome replied through a mouthful of breadsticks "well, it's InuYasha always trying to protect me." Yuka asked "you want to swallow first?" Kagome swallowed and said "sorry. Anyway, it's InuYasha always trying to protect me. Half the time, it almost costs him his life; like yesterday when he almost drowned. I feel like I need to protect him." Eri replied "if you like, _we_ could help out with that." Kagome said "I have a feeling that you're up to something. What it is, I don't know." Eri said "well, if you want to protect him so bad, you shouldn't do it alone." Kagome replied "I think that if I accept this, you're going to be doing something funny with him." After a while, Ayumi said "I think we should get to copying now. Kagome said "now, you're talking."

At a local 24-hour copy center, they saw an ungodly long line for the only copy machine the store had; it extended five feet down the sidewalk. The four girls were astounded. Kagome said "I guess I forgot that the colleges were in exams as well." Yuka said "well, we'll try another place." A second copy center had a free machine, but it had a sign on it and a repairman inside a hatch on it. "Broken?" Kagome asked. The repairman said "yeah, it'll be another couple of days." Eri said "we can try another one." Upon arrival at the third copy place, a sign was on the door. "What do you mean closed?" Kagome asked. Ayumi said "there's one more place I know of." Upon arrival, they saw the building's door with yellow homicide tape in front of it. Kagome said "holy crap, what happened?" They saw the body outlines on the floor inside and blood stains on the copier. Paper was strewn everywhere, with everything else disheveled. A nearby police officer who happened to hear Kagome's remark walked up. "Excuse me ladies" he said. All four of them turned around. The officer replied "last night, this place was hit by armed robbers. A brawl ensued, and the gunmen shot both clerks and all nine customers inside at the time dead. The gunmen are still on the loose, having gotten away with all the money in the cash registers. No one survived." Kagome said "thanks for the information, officer." The policeman replied "you're welcome. I don't really want to see four more victims. So, if you see him, call us and make sure he doesn't know of your presence." The officer moseyed on, and the four girls gave each other horrified looks. Kagome said "what am I going to do for the test now? One copy center has a long line, another has a broken copier, one is closed with the owner on vacation, and the only other one left is a crime scene with eleven deaths." Eri said "sorry, Kagome. Maybe it'll work out somehow." Kagome pleaded "come on guys, don't go." Unfortunately, she saw them leave. "They left" she muttered, "YOU TRAITORS! YOU GUYS OWE ME MONEY!"

* * *

Kagome returned home in despair. "Kagome, what's wrong?" her mom asked. Kagome told her mother of what she had been through. Neither of them knew that InuYasha was eavesdropping. When Kagome had finished, she entered the next room to see a small plume of dust in midair that appeared to go out the window. Kagome thought "could it be InuYasha? No, why would he be here?" Sota walked in with two drinks saying "well, InuYasha, I hope you like green tea." He staggered a little and asked "sis, where's InuYasha?" Kagome asked "you mean he was in here?" Sota said "he was right there a moment ago." InuYasha, meanwhile, was heading to a phone booth. He looked in the phone book and got the addresses of Kagome's three friends. Just when he was about to leave, he paused and thought "wait, I've got an opportunity right now." He put in a modern coin and dialed a number. Hojo picked up with "Hojo's Health Foods." InuYasha said "yeah, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Tinkle; first name Ivannah." Hojo said "hang on" and turned to the patrons of his store. He loudly yelled "phone call for Miss Tinkle. Phone call for Miss Tinkle. HEY, EVERYBODY, IVANNAH TINKLE!" The whole store burst out laughing. Hojo then thought "wait a minute, 'I want to tinkle'?" and got back on the phone. He then said "listen, you bastard, when I catch you, I'm going to pull out your eyes and shove them down your pants so you can watch me kick the crap out of you. Then, I'm going to use your tongue to paint my boat!" InuYasha kept laughing as the dial tone afterwards droned on.

InuYasha went to the first address he wrote down. The address was Ayumi's house. He went to the door and knocked. Amazingly, it was Yuka who answered the door. "Hi" he said. Yuka said "Ayumi, you'll never believe who's here!" Ayumi came and said "Hey, it's InuYasha!" Eri was heard asking "are you serious?" Eri came and looked. "Hey, Yashey-Washey" she said. InuYasha replied "yeah. I heard that you had some notes that Kagome needed a copy of." Ayumi said "yes, we do. All the photocopy centers were out of commission." InuYasha replied "so just hand-copy them." Ayumi said "okay, I'll do that. Come on in." InuYasha went in and was escorted up to Ayumi's bedroom. Ayumi said "I'll have them hand-copied in a bit." InuYasha said "thank you." Eri said "but in exchange, you give us a little show." InuYasha, with a confused look, asked "a show?" Yuka said "yes. We pick five songs from these CDs, and you have to dance to them." InuYasha said "no problem." Eri said "here's the catch, though. You need to…" and whispered something in InuYasha's ear. InuYasha got a look of shock. "What do you mean I have to be naked?" he asked. Ayumi said "we'll make it simple for you: no nude, no notes."

* * *

Back in the feudal era, Sesshomaru and Totosai were at a river at the bottom of a hill below the sword smith's lair. "So, what's going on between you two?" Totosai asked. Sesshomaru replied "well, Rin is up to her usual antics." Totosai said "Sesshomaru, you've found someone who shows true love to you." Sesshomaru replied "I know _that_, I just wish for her to wait until she's fifteen years old. She's wanted to go at it. She's been tempting me for a while." Totosai asked "do you share the same feelings of love for her?" Sesshomaru was momentarily stunned and replied "I do share them, but I have a reputation to uphold." They packed up enough water and were heading back up.

At Totosai's lair, Rin was on her back gazing absent-mindedly up at the clouds overhead. She let out a passionate sigh as Jaken was waiting. "Rin, what exactly are you thinking about?" Jaken asked. Rin replied "I just can't help it, Master Jaken. I can't stop thinking about Lord Sesshomaru." Jaken said "You have Lord Sesshomaru on your mind a lot lately, Rin." Jaken saw how Rin appeared to be blushing and asked "if you love Lord Sesshomaru so much, why don't you marry him?" Rin, missing Jaken's sarcasm, got a glint in her eye and said "you know, maybe I _will_. Thanks for the idea, Master Jaken. I'll ask him as soon as he gets back." Jaken replied "Rin, wait, I don't think--. Lord Sesshomaru, you're back!" Rin said "Lord Sesshomaru, there's something I wish to ask of you." Sesshomaru asked "what is it Rin?" Rin knelt down and said "Lord Sesshomaru, I wish for us to be wed." Totosai's eyes bugged out. Sesshomaru went pale and asked "wed?" He promptly passed out. Jaken said "Rin, that was the worst thing you could ever do." Jaken thought and then said "_second_ worst, actually." Rin said "_you_ told me I should ask him!" Jaken said "I wasn't serious, I was joking around. Couldn't you tell?" Sesshomaru's hand pelted Jaken. Jaken looked and said "what the hell was--? Me lord!" Sesshomaru said "she was in love. That's more than enough for her to take such advice seriously." Jaken said "I thought she'd figure it was a joke." Rin said "well, joke or no joke, how about it, my lord?" Totosai said "go on, take a chance." Sesshomaru looked at the old man and slugged him. "Are you insane?" Sesshomaru asked. Totosai replied "I'm not insane. Do you love the girl or not?" Sesshomaru said "I love her, but she's not fifteen years old yet." He then turned to Rin and said "Rin, I wish to wait on this until you're fifteen." Rin said "okay."

* * *

Back at Ayumi's house, the girls had picked their five songs. They informed InuYasha of them and InuYasha said "well, at least I've heard these songs before." After getting undressed, he said "I'll ask you guys one thing. Don't tell Kagome about this until after this exam." Eri said "no problem." Yuka started the first song. A male vocalist was singing "Billie Jean is not my lover…" InuYasha was moon-walking and doing other dance moves as the other three gazed on excitedly. After the song ended, Yuka was putting a second CD in when the phone rang. Ayumi answered the phone. "Hello" she said. Kagome said "hi, Ayumi. Have you seen InuYasha at all?" Ayumi replied "ummm, no?" InuYasha sneezed at a bad time and Kagome said "What was that?" Ayumi replied "it was…one of the…other girls…sounding like…a guy sneezing?" Kagome replied "no girl could hit that low a sound." InuYasha thought "this isn't good." Ayumi said "it was an mp3." Kagome, onto her friend, replied "okay…I guess I can easily…SIT!" InuYasha's necklace activated, and he was flung into the floor. Ayumi, Eri, and Yuka exchanged nervous glances. Yuka mouthed "don't squeal, InuYasha." Kagome asked "explain that noise." Ayumi said "we're shooting off fireworks." Kagome, now convinced, replied "okay. I'll see you guys tomorrow." Ayumi said "okay" and the phone call ended. Ayumi said "holy crap, that was so freaking close." InuYasha said "gee, you _think_?"

Yuka then put in another CD to start the next song. A Caribbean dance song began playing as a male vocalist was chanting "cent, five cent, ten cent, dollar…" InuYasha was shifting his left hip out to his left on every "cent," his right hip out to his right on every "five cent," his hips back on every "ten cent," and his hips forward on every "dollar." The three girls loved this, especially at the points of the song where the chant went "dollar, dollar, dollar, dollar, dollar, dollar…" InuYasha wasn't too keen about this since the day before, he had every last bit of hair at his waist removed. After that song ended, Eri said "now, this song is a slow-dance song." InuYasha replied "I know." Eri said "so, I'm sweetening the deal. I have this numbered die here. The number rolled will determine which one of us slow-dances with you in this next number." InuYasha's eyes bugged out. "What?" he asked. Eri said "if it's one or two, it'll be Ayumi; three or four, it'll be Yuka; five or six, it'll be me." InuYasha freaked a little. "Oh, man" he said, "do I have to do a slow dance with one of you guys?" Eri said "yes—and still--." InuYasha said "dang it. This sucks." Eri said "remember: no nude, no notes." With that, Yuka rolled the die. Landing on two, Ayumi yelled "YES!" Ayumi got up and got with InuYasha. Yuka started the next song. A female vocalist sang "did you ever know that you're my hero? You're everything I wished I could be. I could fly higher than an eagle. You are the wind beneath my wings." Eri activated a disco ball.

After that song, Ayumi was drifting closer and closer to InuYasha in an effort to kiss him. InuYasha was trying to move back, but it was no use as Ayumi kept drifting closer in a similar manner that Sango had on a different occasion where she was drunk. Yuka and Eri took notice. "AYUMI!" Eri yelled. Both of them pulled her off InuYasha. With no kiss having taken place, InuYasha was relieved that she was off him. Eri said "that wasn't part of the deal, Ayumi!" Ayumi said "sorry, I guess I got a little carried away." Then, the fourth song started. With a '80s dance beat, a female vocalist was singing "ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth? Ooh, heaven is a place on earth…" InuYasha was improvising some dance moves as the girls gawked in excitement. After that, the final song had a male group singing "macho, macho man. I've got to be a macho man…" After that number, InuYasha said "okay, ladies, let me have my clothes back and let me have the copied notes." Eri said "of course, as promised" and handed him his clothes and the notes. InuYasha got back into decent attire and said "now, remember, don't mention--." Yuka interrupted with "…anything to Kagome until after the exam? We'll keep our promise." InuYasha said "thank you" and went on his way to Kagome's place. Just before arriving at the shrine, he stopped at a phone booth and placed a call. Hojo answered "Hojo's Health Foods." InuYasha said "hi, I'm looking for a Miss Bath, first name Anita." Hojo said "one moment" and turned to the patrons, yelling "call for Miss Bath, call for Miss Bath. Hey, everyone, is Anita Bath here?" Everyone bust out laughing. Hojo thought and said "oh, wait a minute." Back on the phone, he said "you snot ball. When I get hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!" InuYasha kept laughing through the subsequent dial tone.

Kagome, meanwhile, was in her room. "Where could he be?" she wondered as she stared at the ceiling, "What can I do?" Her moping was interrupted by something hitting her window. Kagome jerked up and saw InuYasha up against the glass. Kagome opened the window and InuYasha flopped in. "InuYasha, where have you been?" Kagome asked. InuYasha replied "well, I heard that you've been having a little trouble lately." Kagome said "yeah, my friends ditched me when the promised that they'd copy some notes for an important test. They also owe me money." InuYasha feigned innocence and asked "you mean notes like these?" He pulled out the copy of the notes and Kagome said "InuYasha, how did you get the notes?" InuYasha said, in a falsetto voice, "oh, Yashey-Washey." Kagome shook her head and said "so they did it all for you." InuYasha said "that's right. I've even prepared a special study session that we'll do tomorrow night." Kagome said "okay. Besides, dinner is ready. You can stay the night here." InuYasha said "thanks, Kagome."

* * *

Back at Totosai's lair, Totosai had finished the double-bladed sword. "Here you are, Sesshomaru" Totosai said. Sesshomaru said "thanks, Totosai." Rin yawned and asked "what time is it?" Sesshomaru checked his wrist sundial and said "YEE-GODS, IT'S LATE!" They set up camp nearby and went to sleep.


	30. Sesshomaru’s Dreams: InuYasha Island

Sesshomaru found himself on the beach of a tropical island. He looked around and thought "I don't think I'm in Japan anymore." He then discovered that he only had one sword on him: Tenseiga. "I think my weapons have been taken" he thought. Upon trying his energy whip, the energy only burbled ineffectively. He thought "my whip. I guess the salt water must've done something to it. Damn." He aimed a poison claw attack on a tree, only to find the poison neutralized into ordinary water. "My poison has been neutralized" he thought, "somehow, I'll regain my power. Until then, I need to figure out where I am and why I'm here." He turned around, only to almost jump back when he saw a large spearhead inches from him. "Who are you and how dare you point that--?" he said. Upon seeing who was wielding the spear, he saw a half-demon dog that looked identical to InuYasha. The male half-demon appeared to be in nothing except a naturally colored grass skirt. "InuYasha, what's this about?" Sesshomaru asked. The half-demon only spoke in a most unfamiliar language. Given the deep baritone sound of the half-demon's voice, Sesshomaru knew this couldn't be InuYasha. "Why are you pointing that thing at me?" Sesshomaru asked, "get that pointed elsewhere." The half-demon replied in the mystery language, and Sesshomaru said "you need to speak English." At that moment, a thought ran across Sesshomaru's mind. "Maybe I should teach him English or have him teach me his language."

He soon saw more spears pointed at him. "Where did you guys come from?" he asked. All the spears appeared to each be wielded by an identical-looking half-demon dog in a grass skirt. "Now, I know you guys are not my brother" he said. Another of the InuYasha-ish half-demons started talking with the first one in the unknown language. "I wish I knew what they were saying" Sesshomaru thought to himself. Then the first InuYasha-ish half-demon held up a section of Sesshomaru's fluff wad, pointing it out to the second half-demon in the process. Sesshomaru then started getting agitated. "What are they saying about my fluff wad?" he thought. He was then prodded by one of the spears as the prodder spoke to Sesshomaru threateningly in the unknown language. Upon further prodding, Sesshomaru started walking and said "all right, all right, I'm going." The others followed with him.

Sesshomaru asked "could you take me to your village…if you have one?" When they didn't answer, he said "I need you to take me to your leader." One of the half-demons glanced at him with a peculiar look on his face. Sesshomaru thought "of course, no English." Another half-demon began conversing with the second one. Sesshomaru heard one word he recognized so far spoken by this half-demon. That word was "InuYasha." Sesshomaru recognized his brother's name and spat "where's my brother? What have you done with him?" When he got no reply, he barked "answer me! Where is InuYasha you animals?" He got the same look from a few more of them.

Sesshomaru was getting ticked off. "Okay, we can do this the easy way or the ha--. OOF!" He had been pinned to the ground and bound head-to-toe to a long wooden pole. The pole had an extreme double-bend at one end. As the half-demons lifted the pole and carried Sesshomaru further inland, Sesshomaru felt uncomfortable. "Damn, I wish I knew what they are going to do with me" he thought. He knew it was useless to speak to any of them. He was carried into some kind of village with an overlooking area. "Good grief" Sesshomaru thought, "it's an entire tribe of InuYashas." His pole was set atop two supports. As he heard a relentless beating of tribal drums, he even saw females in grass skirts that were accessorized with either coconuts, flower bunches, or large seashells serving as upper covering. Sesshomaru cringed and said "now this is creepy; beautiful, yet creepy." The villagers were all chanting something in the unknown language. "Great, everyone speaks this stupid language _except me_!"Sesshomaru thought. Then a half-demon dog appeared atop the overlook point above the rest of the village. This half-demon would've looked identical to InuYasha if it weren't for the immense amount of flab the guy had. He looked well past sumo contours. This half-demon, however, had some kind of headpiece. Sesshomaru winced at the sight and wondered "what the heck has this guy been eating?" The drums and chanting silenced and this guy started addressing the whole of the village in the same unknown language. Sesshomaru tuned out until the huge half-demon spoke the final word "…InuYasha." Sesshomaru perked up upon that last word. "InuYasha?" he asked, "where's my brother?" Tribal horns blared out a fanfare.

Sesshomaru then saw another half-demon dog make an appearance atop the lookout point. Unlike the other half-demons, this male's grass skirt was the same shade of red as the kimono InuYasha normally wore. There was no doubt that this was InuYasha himself. He had a more elaborate headpiece and was holding a scepter. "My brother's the leader?" Sesshomaru thought. Rin appeared next to InuYasha. As the drums and chanting resumed at a lower volume, Sesshomaru thought "what's Rin doing in the service of InuYasha?" He yelled for InuYasha, only to hear his brother speak to the tribe in the same unfamiliar language. "Dang it, not him, too" Sesshomaru thought. After pausing, Rin translated "dear friends, we are gathered here on a very joyous occasion..." Sesshomaru thought "at least _someone_ knows English." InuYasha spoke the strange tongue again and Rin translated "...for a feast to honor the great dog demon." Sesshomaru was shocked and whispered "a feast to honor father?" InuYasha addressed village again in unfamiliar language, and pointed his tribal scepter in Sesshomaru's direction. Sesshomaru wondered "what is he saying about me?" Rin translated "the main course for our banquet is…" Pointing accordingly, Rin finished with "a full demon." Sesshomaru was suddenly worried as he whimpered "main...course?" He saw that the supports and pole now appeared to resemble a kind of tribal rotisserie. Underneath him was a large heap of wood, dried leaves, dry grass, among other tribal combustibles. He thought "holy crap, I'm so dead." He saw Jaken appear next to Rin as they were both handed one torch each. "No, not Jaken, too" Sesshomaru whimpered. The two then made their way down to Sesshomaru. "INUYASHA!" Sesshomaru yelled as Rin and Jaken were coming down. "I'm screwed" he thought. Then, a mental light bulb turned on. "Rin knows English. I could try through her" he thought. Rin and Jaken arrived at that moment.

Desperate, Sesshomaru said "Rin, Jaken, what are you doing? Snap out of it!" Rin gave Sesshomaru an odd look and asked "snap out of what, strange demon?" Sesshomaru was shocked again. He asked "Rin, don't you remember me? I'm Sesshomaru! The one who looked after you! Don't you remember?" As Jaken began turning the rotisserie pole over the unlit combustibles, he muttered something in the unknown language. Sesshomaru wondered "what was he saying?" He noticed the rotation and barked "WILL YOU STOP TURNING THAT DAMN POLE?" Jaken looked oddly at Sesshomaru and asked Rin something in the unknown language. Right after Rin had replied, Sesshomaru turned to her and continued with "look inside your heart, Rin. I looked after you for a long time! I'm the son of the great dog demon." However, the unconvinced Rin blurted "right, and I'm a son of a bitch. I've heard it all before." She promptly lit the combustible materials below Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru yelped as the material is lit and frantically said "please, get me out of this! I speak the truth!" The rotisserie supports broke, sending Sesshomaru into the roaring inferno.

* * *

He let out a scream of terror, only to find himself at a campsite with Rin and Jaken. He heard no drums, no chanting, felt no tropical breeze...or heat, smelled no smoke, and saw no bonfire: the whole thing was a dream. As Sesshomaru was gathering his true surroundings, he heard someone stirring nearby. Rin was waking up. She drowsily asked "what's going on, Lord Sesshomaru?" Sesshomaru looked and found all his swords where they should be, and then momentarily extended his whip into the air. After stowing the whip, he said "Rin, I had a hellish dream." Rin said "oh, not the elf and the talking bottle of sake again." "That wasn't the dream this time" Sesshomaru said. With Rin's attention, he said "I was on a tropical island full of tribal InuYashas. My brother was their leader with you and Jaken serving him. You were having a feast in honor of my father, except I was the main course…on a tribal rotisserie." He was still whimpering in terror as Rin said "Lord Sesshomaru, don't worry; it was just a dream. InuYasha hasn't formed a tribe on a tropical island. No one is going to roast you alive on a rotisserie." "Thank you, Rin" Sesshomaru replied. With that, they both went back to sleep.

* * *

He found himself on the very beach he'd been on in his last dream. "Oh, man, not again" he thought. He was hit by a big wave and drenched. "Holy crap, that's cold!" he yelled. He thought "this didn't happen the first time around." He saw the half-demon with the spear. The others appeared, and he went into the woods without prodding. Further into the woods, Sesshomaru thought "3, 2, 1…" He was pinned down and bound to the pole. As he was carried into the village, he noticed something different. This time, there appeared to be more females than last time. "There are more females?" Sesshomaru thought. He looked over when he heard giggling. He saw the same group of females he noticed last time. However, one of them appeared to glance at him only to turn away blushing heavily. "What's _her_ deal?" he wondered. "I wonder if she has a crush on me" he thought. The pole was set back in the supports the exact same way. Then flab-io made his appearance. He spoke the unknown language, ending his statement with "…InuYasha." Sesshomaru looked around as the fanfare was played. One of these horns was right behind Sesshomaru's head. "You want to _not _do that right there?" he spat. He saw InuYasha appear with Rin. His brother spoke the mystery language, and Rin translated as before. "Dear friends, we are gathered here on a very joyous occasion for a feast to honor the great dog demon." InuYasha spoke again, pointing with his scepter. Rin pointed accordingly as she translated "the main course for this feast: a full demon." Sesshomaru thought "okay, time for new tactics."

Rin and Jaken came forth with the torches. "Rin, do you remember me?" he asked. Rin looked at him oddly and said "I've never seen you before." Sesshomaru said "well, I'm Sesshomaru. Some time ago, I had been watching over you and Jaken. I'm a son of the great dog demon." He then thought "crap, tactical error." Rin replied "right, and I'm a son of a bitch. I've heard it all before." Sesshomaru said "I'm serious. I speak the truth. Isn't there--?"

InuYasha was then heard shouting in the mystery language as he was making his way down to where Sesshomaru was. He appeared before Sesshomaru and asked Rin something in the language. Rin turned and bowed, replying "InuYasha," and continued in the language. Sesshomaru said "tell him I mean them no harm." Rin translated Sesshomaru's statement and InuYasha replied. "What is he saying?" Sesshomaru asked. Rin replied "he said that, harmful or not, we still need a main course for this sacred feast." Sesshomaru asked "can't I help you find one?" Rin said "you know of another full demon on this island we can use for this sacred feast?" Sesshomaru said "no, but I'm thinking of someone named Naraku." All the villagers flinched upon hearing that name. Even InuYasha himself shuddered a little. Sesshomaru asked "you guys heard of him?" Rin said "he is a terrifying demon. Every time he comes, we can only warn of his approach and flee for our lives. He slaughtered half the village on his last visit." Angered, Sesshomaru said "I will protect this village." InuYasha asked something of Rin, and she translated all that Sesshomaru had told. When she had finished, everyone gasped in horror. InuYasha had a look of shock on his face.

Sesshomaru said "just hear me out. I'm the son of the great dog demon." Rin translated and InuYasha looked puzzled for a moment. Asking Rin something, Rin nodded. The puzzled look stayed for a moment, and InuYasha burst into laughter. The rest of the village joined in. Sesshomaru had a puzzling look and said "I'm serious." InuYasha, chuckling a little, spoke something in the language, and Rin translated "for a main course, you've got quite the comedic talent." Sesshomaru said "I'm serious, Rin. Tell him I'm speaking the truth. Isn't there a way I can prove that?" Rin began translating when InuYasha said "no need to translate, Rin." Sesshomaru had a look of angered shock on his face. "What the heck? You knew English this whole time?" InuYasha said "yes, I was just getting a kick out of your ignorance." Sesshomaru said "real _funny_, brother." InuYasha had a puzzled look as he asked "brother?" Sesshomaru said "yeah, you're my brother." InuYasha started laughing and translated for the rest of the village, who laughed in turn. "That's good material. You should go into comedy someday" InuYasha said. Sesshomaru said "I'm serious, we're brothers." InuYasha said "that's impossible. I had a brother long ago. He was lost in a shipwreck that only I and another villager here survived." InuYasha called over the villager in question.

A _very_ aged-looking half-demon came over and, upon InuYasha's request, recounted the events of the fateful shipwreck. InuYasha translated "the brother in question had two magenta lines under each eye, and a purple crescent moon shape on his forehead." As Sesshomaru gasped in recognition, InuYasha continued "we were only infants on that fateful trip. Last time this brother was seen, he had a horrible cut around his right elbow. We searched and searched, but could never find poor Sesshomaru, god rest his soul." Sesshomaru thought "holy crap" and said "uh, brother, _my_ name is Sessho--." At that moment, Sesshomaru saw the wind catch his right sleeve and blow it in, revealing the elbow. He saw the very scar from the cut in question. "Look at my elbow, InuYasha" Sesshomaru said. InuYasha looked and got a look of shock. Upon looking further at him, InuYasha muttered "you survived that shipwreck." Sesshomaru said "why wouldn't I?" InuYasha got a blade and cut the ropes binding Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru dropped into the combustible debris below the rotisserie. "Ow" he muttered. InuYasha helped up his brother. "Brother, you've finally come home" he said, hugging him tightly. Sesshomaru replied "I've missed you as well, brother." InuYasha turned to the rest of the village, held up Sesshomaru's arm and announced something in the mystery language. The entire village cheered.

Sesshomaru then saw the same female who had blushed before rushing over. She spoke to Sesshomaru in the mystery language. "Brother, can you translate?" Sesshomaru said. InuYasha said "she said she wants to take you to a special place." As InuYasha was translating, the female had been running her finger across Sesshomaru's shoulders. "Brother, what's going on with her." InuYasha saw the female nudge Sesshomaru and he whooped and hollered. "I think she likes you" InuYasha said. As the female began rubbing herself erotically in front of Sesshomaru, InuYasha said "you're very lucky; she's among the village virgins." Sesshomaru was blushing heavily and said "InuYasha, I'm…uhh…honored, but not exactly ready." InuYasha said "oh, come on. Live a little. Don't worry; she only knows two English words, so you can't insult her." The female immediately swept Sesshomaru into her arms and was carrying him to the beach. Sesshomaru was a little freaked and nervous. They arrived at the beach when she had let him back down. Sesshomaru's nerves were rattling. He said "um, I am honored, miss, but I'm not exactly ready for--." He gaped in shock as the half-demon flung her seashells aside, revealing her basketball-sized breasts. She then leaned to his ear and whispered "do me."

* * *

Sesshomaru woke up in a gasp. "Whoa" he thought, "I thought being burned alive was bad." Rin woke asking "another horrible dream, my lord?" Sesshomaru said "almost. This was like the last one except I was freed from the rotisserie. However, I wound up in the arms of an oversexed female InuYasha. She was moving much too quickly." Shuddering a little, he said "holy shit!" Rin said "come on, take it easy. That's just a dream. There's no female version of InuYasha you need to worry about." Sesshomaru said "okay. Thank you, Rin." Rin thought to herself "especially when I'll be that way to you eventually."


	31. Kagome Got a Perfect Test Score!

Kagome awoke the next morning and found InuYasha asleep. "InuYasha, InuYasha, wake up, Sleeping Beauty" she said. InuYasha woke up and asked "what is it, Sesshomaru? Wait…" Kagome asked "when the hell did I become your brother?" InuYasha replied "I was having a dream where he showed up, Kagome." "Oh, ok" Kagome replied, "I just wanted to say that breakfast was ready." InuYasha's stomach gurgled loudly and he said "great, I'm famished." Kagome went down the stairs and saw InuYasha leap onto the railing and start sliding. "Uh, InuYasha, that's not a good ide--." InuYasha's feet slipped out and the railing hit him in the crotch. As he slid the rest of the way in pain, he got another groin hit from the newel post at the end. He groaned and rolled off the railing. "InuYasha, are you okay?" Kagome asked. "Gracefully done" Sota said. Kagome said "Sota, please, you're not helping." InuYasha got up and said "I'm okay." Kagome's mom was heard yelling "dad, if you're going to smoke, smoke outside, damn it to hell!"

At breakfast, Kagome's mom had fixed some French toast. "Wash up" she reminded Kagome. Kagome said "got it, mom." With that, she and InuYasha went to get washed up. "Now don't go ape with the foaming soap this time" Kagome said. InuYasha said "it's such good sculpting material." He then donned a black beret and, in a French accent, said "I've been a foaming soap sculptor for many years." Kagome said "we don't need any sculptures, Mr. Artist." After washing up, they sat down at the table and Kagome asked "grandpa, why do you always smoke at the table?" InuYasha, still using the accent, replied "oh, _mon dieu_." Kagome said "I know it's French toast, InuYasha, but I don't think you'll need the accent."

* * *

After breakfast, Kagome said "well, I'm off to school. I'll be waiting for whatever study session you've concocted, InuYasha." InuYasha replied "I'll be ready." With that, Kagome went off to school. Her school day went like any other. However, during lunch, she was on her way up to her classroom as she passed another room when she heard crumpling paper and a voice inside say "oh, bloody hell." She knew that voice could be none other than Professor Alex Derus, the science instructor from America. She went in and called "Professor Derus." The professor looked up and said "oh, Higurashi. Good to see you. I hope you're enjoying that boat you won." Kagome replied "yeah, that boat is awesome. Anyway, what are you up to?" The professor went to what appeared to be some paper on the desk and said "well, I'm trying to make an origami crane, but it's not easy." He picked up a section of it and said "getting this crane to stand upright without its boom coming apart has been problematic." Kagome saw that the professor appeared to be straightening up an origami _tower_ crane. The professor said "I head that Hojo was ill, and I heard that an origami crane brings good fortune…or something." Kagome saw lights on the paper tower crane light up and witnessed a motor rotating the crane. "That's impressive, professor; I've never seen _anything_ origami with working lights and motors. However, that's not the kind of crane we use to represent good fortune. The crane we use is the stork-like bird." Kagome then guided the professor through folding the right kind of origami crane. From there, the day went as normal as ever.

* * *

After school, Kagome got back to her house. "I'm home" she said. Her mom said "oh, hi, Kagome. InuYasha is waiting with…quite the study session for you." Kagome, unsure of what to expect, said "okay, I'll go up and see what it's like." She went up with a death-sentence walk. She passed Sota at the top of the stairs, and he said "sis, it's only a study session, not a death sentence." "I know, Sota," Kagome said, "but I don't know what kind of study session this is. I hope it's not the same kind of study session we had to do in school." Sota said "oh, for fuck sake—." "SOTA, LANGUAGE!" Kagome's mom called. Sota said "sorry, mom." Kagome got to her room and saw InuYasha with a small white board. "Okay, Kagome" he said, "let's begin." Kagome closed the door of her room. InuYasha proceeded to close all the drapes and lock the bedroom door. Kagome asked "any reason why you're doing all this?" InuYasha replied "we can't have any outside distractions or interruptions."

Kagome asked "so, how is this going to go?" InuYasha responded with "well, I've read everything your class went through word for word. So, I've come up with 50 math problems that you'll try to answer. Answer correctly, and you get rewarded; but answer incorrectly, and each reward gets taken with every incorrect guess." Kagome said "uh, okay." InuYasha drew up the first problem. Kagome looked it over, and answered correctly. InuYasha promptly removed the red section of his upper kimono. Kagome thought nothing of that, figuring he was only hot. After a second correct answer, he removed the remaining white portion of the upper kimono. Again, Kagome figured he was only hot. However, upon having a third correct answer, he removed his belt. Kagome was shocked at this and asked "are you doing what I think you're doing?" InuYasha said "you got the answer right, I'm just rewarding you." Kagome asked "you're stripping for my reward?" InuYasha replied "three answers right and three pieces of--." Kagome said "I didn't expect you to be doing that, InuYasha." The study session continued. The fourth answer was given, only to have InuYasha look at it and grab his belt. Kagome realized her mistake and said "hang on." She changed her answer and InuYasha checked it and re-removed the belt.

* * *

Soon after Kagome had gotten enough answers correct that InuYasha was now completely naked. Kagome said "oh, my." InuYasha said "we've still got 15 problems to go." Kagome, glancing at his lower unit, asked "after the 15 problems, what are we going to do next?" InuYasha said "well…uh…" Kagome noticed his lower unit extending. "I don't…really…know" InuYasha said. Kagome said "well, your bodyguard is giving me a different answer." She thought "I didn't think he'd be _this_ excited. That shaft of his has got my heart pounding." InuYasha drew up the next math problem and the study session continued from there. After the final problem, InuYasha said "well done, Kagome." Kagome said "well, since we're done, InuYasha, what would--?" Kagome's mother called "dinner is ready!" Sota then called "so get your fucking asses down here!" "SOTA!" her mom yelled. Kagome said "we're coming." Sota yelled "so is Christmas!" Kagome was about to make a comeback at Sota when her grandpa was heard saying "shut the fuck up and let them take their damn time studying." Kagome said "we'll be a few minutes." Her mom said "okay, Kagom—DAD, _MUST_ YOU SMOKE AT THE TABLE?" InuYasha and Kagome started kissing.

After a while, the two came downstairs. "Hey, pizza!" InuYasha said. Kagome said "pepperoni, too. Any special occasion for this, mom?" Her mother said "no special occasion, I just thought that we'd have pizza." After dinner, InuYasha said "I think you're ready to take on that test." Over the course of the next two weeks, the study sessions continued. With each session, InuYasha wound up naked sooner and sooner. Kagome kept getting better and better at her schoolwork.

* * *

Soon, test day arrived. Kagome's day went well as she felt prepared. Sure enough, the test came. Kagome pictured InuYasha in the vacant desk next to hers. She imagined him stripping down to nothing. With that, the test went like a breeze. Soon after, it was lunchtime. Kagome was on her way up to her room when she heard Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi talking. "That test went real good" Eri said. Yuka said "I hope Kagome did well. She still doesn't know how Yashey-Washey got those notes." Ayumi said "I know; he was dancing naked for us." Kagome, behind them, was shocked and almost gagged on her Pepsi. "What did you just say, guys?" she asked. The other three turned around quickly and went pale. Eri said "we…said…that we saw him…break-eed." Kagome said "you said 'naked', I heard you." Yuka said "crap" and Kagome continued with "you guys saw InuYasha naked?" Eri said "it was only five songs--." Kagome asked "five songs? You had him dancing naked for you? What the fuck is wrong with you guys? I am so fucking pissed."

Yuka said "we had a deal: no nude, no notes." Kagome spat "you made a deal with him so he could get the notes? That is sick." Ayumi asked "and the deal we made with _you_ for the notes wasn't?" Kagome said "I offered you guys pizza, not getting nude and dancing for you. I can't believe you guys! I thought you guys had more…common…sense." She remembered that they also had crushes on InuYasha. She continued with "I know you're in love with him, but he's my boyfriend." Her algebra instructor walked in and said "Higurashi?" Kagome looked and asked "yes, sir?" The instructor replied "I've seen comebacks from the brink in my day, but this one takes the cake. You got a perfect score on your test." Kagome, shocked at this, asked "I got a perfect score?" Eri asked "is there an echo in the classroom?" Kagome said "I'm just shocked, that's all." Yuka asked "how'd _we_ do?" The instructor looked at three other tests and said "the three of you…failed." Eri slid out of her chair, Yuka gagged on her Diet Coke, and Ayumi said "shit!" The instructor left and Kagome coldly said "justice has been served."

Later, in her weightlifting class, she was doing bench presses. She imagined InuYasha spotting her. "Come on, you can do it, Kagome" his imagined form said. Kagome completed her set of ten presses and InuYasha's voice echoed through her head with "excellent, Kagome, you are awesome." She then heard Sesshomaru's voice echo in her head with "oh, big deal, brother. She's still a weak human." Kagome got fire in her eyes as she thought "weak, am I?" With that, she adjusted the weight on the bench press bar to total 410 pounds (185.97 kg). Eri asked "uh, Kagome, do you know how much you're trying to lift?" Kagome calmly said "yes, why?" Yuka said "we're only saying that it looks a little heavy." Kagome started to perform more bench presses, now with the added weight. After class, the coach said "Miss Higurashi, I must say that you're probably lifting more weight than I've ever seen any young lady lift before. I'm impressed at your progress." "Thanks, coach" Kagome replied. However, in the locker room, Kagome's friends were very concerned. Ayumi asked "uh, Kagome, are you okay?" Kagome "yeah, I guess so. Why wouldn't I be okay?" Eri said "well, when you go straight from 30 pounds (13.61 kg) to 410 pounds (185.97 kg) on the bench press, we think there's something going on. Boyfriend trouble?" Kagome said "no boyfriend trouble. I feel okay." As she got back into her uniform, Yuka said "Kagome, your biceps: they're…they're…a lot larger." Kagome looked and said "wow, so they _are_." They finished changing and Eri said "well, don't overdo it, okay? We just worry about you."

* * *

The very next class was orientation day in auto shop class with Miss Brown. "Welcome to auto maintenance, guys" she said. The lesson went without a hitch and Kagome and Miss Brown were having a nice brief chat. "I've heard that you're dating another instructor here" Kagome said. Miss Brown replied "yes. I'm dating Professor Derus." Kagome said "wow, that's awesome." After her chat, Kagome headed for home. Upon arriving, she saw InuYasha sitting outside on a lounge chair wearing only a red swimsuit (the same shade of red as his kimono), his usual necklace, and a pair of sunglasses. He was holding a glass of mango juice that was decorated with a cocktail umbrella. Kagome asked "InuYasha, what are you doing?" InuYasha tipped down the sunglasses and said "I'm just enjoying the warm weather, Kagome." He sipped the juice and asked "oh, how'd your test go?" Kagome said "I got a perfect score!" InuYasha finished the drink and said "that's great, Kagome!" He got up and went to hug Kagome, only to stop in his tracks with a look of concern. Kagome asked "InuYasha, what is it?" InuYasha rolled up one of Kagome's sleeves and asked "what the heck did you do to yourself?" Kagome said "well, during weightlifting class, I imagined you coaching me through bench presses, but when I got the ten presses completed, I heard Sesshomaru's voice echo in my head--." InuYasha said "oh, jeez." Kagome said "yeah, he was calling me a weak human, and that's why my biceps--." "Exactly _how_ much weight were you pressing after hearing his voice?" InuYasha asked. Kagome replied "around 410 pounds (185.97 kg)." InuYasha had a stunned look on his face. "Are you out of your mind?" he asked. Kagome said "no. Besides, if someone called you weak, what would _you_ do?" InuYasha replied "I would first make sure that someone wasn't Sesshomaru and then scoff and say 'what do _you_ know?'." Kagome said "good point. Besides, I have to consider what humans are like."

InuYasha refilled his glass and said "well, next time you hear him in your head, ignore it. You know how he detests humans anyway." Kagome said "that's true, but what about that girl he hangs out with." InuYasha replied "well, he's exempted her from his line of hatred, especially since he fell in love with her--. Crap!" InuYasha slapped his hand over his mouth as Kagome asked "Sesshomaru is in love with that girl?" InuYasha said "crap" and Kagome said "so it _is_ true. You'd better tell me now, InuYasha, or I _will_--." InuYasha cracked and said "oh, all right, yes. He's in love with that girl. I was supposed to keep it between us brothers, but--." Kagome said "I'll keep it a secret as long as your brother doesn't call me weak anymore." InuYasha asked "how am I supposed to tell him that and survive? 'Hi, Sesshomaru, guess what; I accidentally blabbed our secret to my mortal friend'. He's going to _kill_ me!" Kagome said "he won't have to know _why_ he should stop calling me weak, just tell him he can't call me weak. Maybe if you do so in front of his lover, she'll do the rest." InuYasha said "that's a good idea." With that, he got another glass and cocktail umbrella and poured Kagome some mango juice. "To my brother and his lover" he said, raising his glass. Kagome said "oh, okay." As they toasted Sesshomaru and Rin, Kagome said "I didn't expect you to toast them, or pour me a drink."


	32. Cashing in: We're Rich, Kagome!

The next day at Kagome's school, Kagome's day went like any other. At lunch, Kagome met up with her friends. "Hi, Kagome" Eri said. Ayumi said "after what we did to InuYasha, we decided to make it up to you." Yuka said "we will treat you and InuYasha to _the_ best night of your lives." Kagome asked "you are?" Eri said "you bet. Get this: spa treatment, dinner at _Les Sœurs Heureuses_, and a special surprise afterwards." Kagome asked "dinner at _Les Sœurs Heureuses_? I thought it was impossible to get a reservation there." Yuka replied "not for us three." However, on their way to their weights class later that day, they heard the rumble of thunder from an ever-darkening sky. "Oh, no" Eri whined as the wind began to pick up. Yuka replied "great, there goes the special surprise." Kagome said "don't worry. There's still the spa treatment and dinner at _Les Sœurs Heureuses_ left."

At Higurashi shrine, InuYasha was waiting. "Man that sky is looking really ugly out there" he remarked. Kagome's mom replied "I know; they said it'd be storms like this for the next three days." "Lousy weather" InuYasha said. Kagome's mom replied "well at least we won't be caught walking in this crappy weather any time soon." Then, some rapid beeping was heard from a small black box mounted under the cabinets. "What's that thing?" InuYasha asked. Grandpa replied "it's the weather radio." Kagome's mom turned it on and heard its computer voice saying "the weather service has now issued a severe thunderstorm warning in effect for all of Tokyo. Repeating, a severe thunderstorm warning is now in effect." As the radio continued, Kagome's mom said "oh, dear. Hopefully the electricity doesn't go out."

Meanwhile, in weights class, the coach was in the midst of his pre-starting lecture when he and the students saw a very large lightning bolt flash outside. An exceptionally loud thunderclap was heard as well. Suddenly, all the lights promptly went out. "Oh, crap" the coach said, "I hope the power comes back soon. Stay seated, everyone, the lights should be back on sometime." However, it was only the back-up LED-based lights that came on. All other electronics (along with the main lights and the wall outlets) were still dead. Yuka remarked "so much for our plans this evening." Indeed, Ayumi got a text on her phone from the restaurant informing her of the inconvenience forcing them to shut down. The spa also sent a similar text. They all looked at Kagome. "The restaurant and spa can't open" Eri said.

* * *

At the shrine, the power was also out. Only the weather radio (having its own back-up battery power supply) was still active. "The city is currently experiencing a power loss" it declared, "at 1:48 pm, a power loss occurred, darkening 90% of the area." InuYasha, over the radio's rambling, said "well, this sucks." Grandpa said "I'd better find the flashlights." Kagome's mom said "Where are you, Buyo?" The radio then continued with "the weather service has now issued a tornado watch in effect for central and southern Japan. Areas impacted include Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto…" InuYasha got a panicked look as he whimpered "tornado?" Kagome's mom said "no need to worry, InuYasha." "There's a tornado out there, that thing said" InuYasha wailed. Kagome's mom replied "it's only a tornado watch, which is no cause for alarm. A watch only means that conditions are favorable for a tornado to form. You only need to worry with a tornado warning, which indicates that one has formed. We're only under a watch." InuYasha calmed down and said "okay." Grandpa was heard saying "Buyo, where are you?" A loud yowl and a louder thud later, InuYasha said "I found him." Grandpa came up from the basement with a flashlight saying "here we are."

Later, Kagome and Sota arrived. InuYasha said "Kagome, thank goodness you're safe." Kagome replied "I'm fine, InuYasha. The thing is my three friends had a special evening planned for us. However, with the power loss, the events had to be postponed." InuYasha said "it'll be okay, Kagome. They could just move it to some other time. Right now, that thing said the area is under a tornado watch." Kagome said "oh, goodness." Later, during a candlelight dinner, InuYasha kept glancing at the sky outside. Kagome said "InuYasha, just because there's a watch doesn't mean a warning is guaranteed to follow. Tornado warnings rarely happen, so there's no need to worry." Indeed, the weather radio said "the tornado watch for the Tokyo area has been cancelled. At 7:52 pm, the storm that prompted the watch had weakened in strength and is no longer capable of producing a tornado." With that, InuYasha was able to focus more on the food. Kagome thought "good grief, now he's going to be more into the food than anything else." After dinner, Kagome and InuYasha were still hearing the storm raging on. Kagome was about to turn on a battery-powered home planetarium when all the lights went on. InuYasha said "hey, the power's back." Kagome said "oh, darn. I was hoping we could do some stargazing with this planetarium. We could even have made a little love under the stars." InuYasha said "we just need to cover the window and turn off the lights. Kagome looked at her cell phone and said "maybe, but it's 11:30 pm. We'd better get to bed."

* * *

The next day, the storm was over. After a good and hearty breakfast, InuYasha and Kagome were getting the stash of gold coins out of her closet. InuYasha said "are you sure about this, Kagome? What about your grandpa's wishes?" Kagome replied "he'll have to get over our not using this money for an immediate wedding." InuYasha asked "so we're just going to split the money evenly between us when you exchange these gold coins with your era's currency?" Kagome said "exactly. We split the money evenly and we decide how to use our individual shares of it. I won't decide how you use your share, but I _will_ plan on going on one heck of a shopping trip with my share."

Later, InuYasha had the coins stacked up in a little red wagon. "Oh, man, this thing is going to be a pain to get uphill" he said. Then Kagome asked "are you sure you don't want to use the car to carry the coins? That could save your back, you know." InuYasha said "I guess we can use the car." With that, they got the coins in the car and went up to the shop. Upon entering, the clerk said "good afternoon. How can we help you?" Kagome said "we have this stash of circa-1497 gold coins we'd like changed over." The clerk asked "how would you like it?" Kagome said "Yen, please." The clerk counted all the coins and started handing out the Yen bills in bundles. As the number of bundles kept growing, Kagome said "holy schnikes!" InuYasha replied "man, it just keeps coming and coming." Soon, the clerk said "here we are: ¥1,367,097,794. Sign here, miss…uh." Kagome said "oh, I'm Kagome Higurashi." She then signed her name on a piece of paper that was on a clipboard. After putting all the money in the car, they went back to the shrine.

* * *

In Kagome's room, Kagome was dividing out the cash 50-50. Kagome got it all counted and said "here you are, InuYasha. Your share: amounting to ¥683,548,897." InuYasha stammered "six…hundred…eighty-three million…" Kagome replied "not one yen less." InuYasha said "you'll have to…excuse me…for a moment, but I think I'm going to faint now." Sure enough, he fell back. Kagome, catching him in her arms, said "InuYasha!" She then started fanning him. "InuYasha, you need to wake up now! I know it's a lot, but you can't just faint on me like this. InuYasha! Can you hear me?" Kagome continued fanning, thinking "what can I do?" "InuYasha, please snap out of it" she pleaded. Kagome called "Sota, I really need help, here!" Sota asked "what is it, sis?" He then noticed InuYasha passed out in Kagome's arms. "Oh, lord" Sota said. Kagome said "Sota, InuYasha fainted." Sota asked "oh my goodness, what'll we do?" Kagome replied "get me a glass of water; I have an idea." Sota said "right away."

When Sota returned, he said "got the water right here, Kagome." Kagome replied "thanks, Sota," and then poured the glass of water on InuYasha. InuYasha slowly started to awake. Kagome said "InuYasha." InuYasha asked "Kagome, w-what happened?" Sota said "you fainted, InuYasha." Kagome said "you're lucky I was here to catch you as you fell."


	33. Afternoon Tea with Totosai

Later, InuYasha and Sota were both playing the Wii. The two were in a balloon-based airplane dogfight. Kagome, meanwhile, was on her computer on a website of a manufacturer of kit-built planes. She soon orders a nice single-engine flying boat type seaplane with gull-wing doors and a V-tail. Through other websites, she acquires an engine and the components for the panel. She then heard Sota yell "you butt munch!" Kagome went down in time to see InuYasha shoot more of Sota's balloons in the Wii game. Kagome asked "you two having fun?" Sota got the last of his balloons shot and said "dang it, InuYasha!" InuYasha replied "I think so." Kagome said "it's time to go, InuYasha." With that, went to the car and headed out through the well.

Kagome and InuYasha made their way back to the feudal era. Kagome and InuYasha emerged from the car into very intense heat of an exceptionally hot day. They soon found Sango and Miroku. Both of them were sweating profusely despite being in the shade. "Man, this heat is unbearable" Miroku said. Kagome looked at a thermometer she had left behind and saw the temperature holding at 112 degrees Fahrenheit (44 degrees Celsius). Wiping some sweat from her forehead, Kagome then said "holy shit, it's hot. We'd better get out of this heat and find something cold to do." Sango said "I hear you." Shippo was behind Sango and Miroku. He didn't seem to be fairing well. Shippo said "the shade isn't helping too well either." Shippo was then hit with a jet of water from a Super Soaker. He jumped and said "holy freaking crap that was cold!" Kagome turned and saw InuYasha with an Arctic Blast Super Soaker. Kagome asked "how much ice did you put in there?" InuYasha unleashed a chilly tsunami from the gun's other trigger, making Kagome shriek and shudder. He then said "that much ice." Kagome growled "InuYasha…SIT, BOY!" She then felt something shoot out of her pocket and hit the ground next to her. She looked and found it was the genuine subjugation necklace. "What the?" she thought, "I thought I put that one on you." InuYasha replied "I thought this one was the real one, too." Then Kagome removed the fake necklace and put the real one on InuYasha. After pocketing the fake, she then said "don't do that again, InuYasha. Don't do that unless I ask you to."

* * *

Later, InuYasha was looking over Tetsusaiga when Kagome noticed something about the blade. "Yes, of course" she thought, "maybe _that's_ how I can get a decent propeller for my new plane. Now, how to distract the others." The sweat kept pouring off InuYasha as the day wore on, getting Kagome concerned in the process. InuYasha wiped his forehead and muttered "oh, we really…need to find a way…to cool off…" He then passed out. "InuYasha" Kagome yelled. As the others gathered around, Kagome noticed the water gun nearby. She found the water inside to still be exceptionally frigid. Sango, meanwhile, said "InuYasha, can you hear me?" Miroku felt him and said "he's baking." Kagome opened the water gun's cap and poured the contents on InuYasha. InuYasha stirred a little and opened his eyes. Shippo said "InuYasha, are you okay?" "Sh-Shippo?" InuYasha said. Kagome said "InuYasha, thank god you're all right." Miroku said "not entirely, Kagome. Look." She noticed InuYasha reaching up with an alarmingly shaky arm. Miroku said "we need to get him cooled off." Kagome, remembering InuYasha's red swimming trunks in the car, said "we need to get him out of that kimono; he'll fry under those layers." Miroku got InuYasha into a hut and proceeded to undress InuYasha. Kagome tossed the swimwear to him. Miroku looked at the shorts and said "oh, this _ought_ to provide better cooling." After getting InuYasha into the swimsuit, he signaled to Kagome and Sango that it was okay. Both instantly rushed in with fans, waving them frantically. After 7 seconds, InuYasha came around completely. Kagome asked "InuYasha, are you okay?" InuYasha replied "I think I'm much better now." Kagome said "we need to find somewhere cool, like a spring." Shippo asked "hey, how about that lake you started out from?" The decision was unanimous. Upon arrival, InuYasha said "guys, before we go in, I've got one thing to say." He darted to the lake edge and yelled "CANNON BALL!" Splashing in, the others went in as well. After some time, Miroku noticed the car moving down a path. "Hey, where's Kagome off to?" he asked. Sango said "I'm not sure." InuYasha said "probably getting something from her time." Shippo asked "like what?" InuYasha replied "maybe a baseball bat for Koga." Miroku asked "why would she do _that_; especially since _you're_ her lover?" InuYasha just said "well, she's got to bean him over the head with _something_."

* * *

Kagome, meanwhile, made her way to Totosai's lair. When she arrived, she stayed in the car for a bit. She unfurled plans for making an airplane propeller blade that she had put into terms that the sword smith would understand. After looking it over, she folded them up and got out. "Totosai" Kagome called. The sword smith came out of his lair and said "ah, lady Kagome" he beamed, "what can I do for you?" Kagome replied "I need you to make two blades like these." With that, she showed him the diagrams for the prop blades. He looked them over and said "wow, it's a rather…unusual shape…for swords." Kagome replied "that's because the blades are to do nothing more than manipulate the air." Totosai said "I see. From what should I make these?" Kagome said "tomorrow, I'll bring InuYasha here for what he'll believe to be a nice chat and some tea. We'll sneak out two of his fangs, but both must be done in one swoop." Totosai replied "I can imagine why; one at a time, he wouldn't fall for it again. Since these kinds of blades are new to me, I'll have them be free of charge." Kagome said "thanks, but weren't you always free of charge?" The sword smith replied "I'm in the sword-making business; a conventional sword I'd have to charge for." The two shook hands and Kagome was off.

Kagome returned and found the others still enjoying the water. InuYasha said "this is _much_ better." Miroku and Sango were relaxing on the shore with goblets of cool juice. Shippo said "this is a _real_ nice way to beat this heat." InuYasha looked and said "hey, Kagome's back!" As Kagome got out, she was reminded how hot it was. "Oh, man, it is _really_ warm" she thought. She looked over and asked "InuYasha, how's the water?" InuYasha replied "you've got to try this, Kagome." Kagome said "give me a minute" and got back in the car. There, in the back seat, she got into her swimsuit and got back out. After getting in the water, she found it quite relaxing.

* * *

Elsewhere, Sesshomaru, Rin, and Jaken weren't fairing so well. They were all sweating. "This heat is unbearable, me lord" Jaken said. Sesshomaru agreed, and Rin chimed in with "maybe we should find someplace to cool off." Sesshomaru asked "how do you do this, Rin? How do you know what I'm about to suggest?" Rin replied "just a lucky guess, my lord." With that, they went in search of a way to cool off. They soon happened upon a stream. Sesshomaru said "we could cool off in here." He was promptly hit in the face with Rin's kimono. He then heard Rin enticingly say "come on in." After getting the kimono off his face, he saw Rin in the stream naked. Jaken turned white as a sheet as Sesshomaru said "holy crap." Sesshomaru thought for a moment and asked "Rin, is it a good idea to be like this? There could be peeping toms around." Sesshomaru was turning red as he thought "wow, Rin really _is_ good looking." He shook his head furiously as he thought "oh man, the temptation is back." Indeed, he noticed something of his starting to increase in size. Rin replied "not in this heat. Besides, you're the only one of them around; and a welcome one at that." Sesshomaru almost freaked out. He noticed that Jaken was out. Sesshomaru looked at Jaken, nudged him and said "Jaken wake up please; you can't pass out like this when Rin is naked in front of me." Rin said "lord Sex-sshomaru." Sesshomaru said "Rin, this is not the best time." Rin replied "you wanted to cool off, didn't you?" Sesshomaru said "not the way you're doing it. You can cool off in there, but not like that. At least have your kimono on in the water." Rin tittered "oh, right" and got her kimono back on.

* * *

That night, as the group was getting to sleep, Shippo was wide-awake. "Oh man, I can't sleep" he moaned. InuYasha and Kagome took notice and went to him. InuYasha asked "what's the matter, Shippo?" Shippo replied "I can't imagine how we're going to beat Naraku. He'll kill us all and walk all over us. I keep having nightmares of it." InuYasha replied "I think I know how I can get you to sleep." As InuYasha reached for his sword, Kagome said "InuYasha, don't even think about it! I'll just go and get a glass of warm milk for him. You, don't even try anything." Kagome left and Shippo said "how's warm milk going to help? I'm just worried about how things are going. Something is bound to go wrong, and I can't get that notion out of my head." InuYasha pulled out Tetsusaiga and said "you just need to focus your mind on some other vision." Shippo saw some strands of energy, each similar in composition to Sesshomaru's whip, surge down the sword's blade only to stop near the tip and go taut like strings on a musical instrument. Indeed, InuYasha started playing a beautiful intro on the energy strings. "Don't worry about Naraku" InuYasha said, "we will defeat him; just think about this."

InuYasha continued the tune on the sword's energy strings and started singing "there's a place in your heart, and I know that it is love; and this place could be much brighter than tomorrow…" Kagome, meanwhile, was arriving back with the warm milk when she heard InuYasha singing this beautiful song. She stopped in her tracks as InuYasha continued the verse with "and if you really try, you'll find there's no need to cry. In this place, you'll feel that there's no hurt or sorrow. There are ways to get there, if you care enough for the living. Make a little space. Make a better place." As InuYasha sang, Kagome muttered "InuYasha" and knelt down for a closer listen.

InuYasha moved into the song's refrain with "Heal the world. Make it a better place…for you and for me and the entire human race. There are people dying. If you care enough for the living, make a better place for you and for me." Kagome got a few tears in her eyes as InuYasha sang. Then, the second verse began with "If you want to know why, there's a love that can not lie. Love is strong; it only cares for joyful giving. If we try, we shall see, in this bliss we cannot feel, fear or dread, we stop existing and start living. Then it feels as always, love's enough for us growing. Make a better world. Make a better world." He moved back into the refrain "Heal the world. Make it a better place…for you and for me and the entire human race. There are people dying. If you care enough for the living, make a better place for you and for me." InuYasha segued into a bridge with "and the dream we were conceived in will reveal a joyful face, and the world we once believed in will shine again in grace. Then why do we keep strangling life wound this earth; crucify its soul. Though it's plain to see this world is heavenly, be god's glow."

He began the final verse with "we could fly so high. Let our spirits never die. In my heart, I feel you are all my brothers. Create a world with no fear. Together, we'll cry happy tears. See other lands turn their swords into plowshares. We could really get there if you cared enough for the living. Make a little space to make a better place." He moved into the refrain once more with "Heal the world. Make it a better place…for you and for me and the entire human race. There are people dying. If you care enough for the living, make a better place for you and for me." He took the key up a half-step and ended the song with a repeating of "Heal the world. Make it a better place…for you and for me and the entire human race. There are people dying. If you care enough for the living, make a better place for you and for me. There are people dying. If you cared enough for the living…" He paused there for a moment and slowed down with "…make a better place…for you and for…me." He played a few ending notes and Shippo said "thanks, InuYasha" as he lay back. "Good night, Shippo" InuYasha calmly replied.

Kagome looked down and realized that she dropped the glass and spilled the milk all over the ground. She then went in behind InuYasha and saw him put the sword away. She then said "InuYasha that was a beautiful song." InuYasha, startled, spun around rapidly. He then asked "uh, where's the warm milk?" Kagome replied "I…uh…spilled it on my way back. That song you were playing distracted me with its beauty." InuYasha saw that Kagome still had some tears in her eyes. InuYasha said "I can tell." Kagome saw Shippo was indeed asleep and said "he looks so peaceful asleep. You could've told me you were just going to play him a lullaby."

* * *

The next day, Kagome said "InuYasha, how about a nice car ride?" InuYasha replied "no need to ask _me_ twice." They got in as Kagome took the car for a spin. After a while, InuYasha was dozing off. Kagome thought "now's my chance." She then took a route that got her to Totosai's lair. Upon arriving, InuYasha woke up. "Kagome, why are we stopping here?" Kagome replied "Totosai invited us down for a little chat and some tea." InuYasha skeptically said "okay." They both got out as Totosai said "ah, lady Kagome and InuYasha. I've been expecting you two. Come on in; tea's on." As they went in, InuYasha thought "the old man has never done anything like this before." Kagome then said "Totosai, I've heard that you were in the business now." Totosai replied "yes. I even made a third sword for Sesshomaru. Cost him about 270 gold coins." InuYasha, now shocked, asked "you charged him for a sword?" The sword smith said "the features he asked for don't come cheap." InuYasha asked "features?" "That third sword of his has a retractable secondary blade that comes out the other end of the handle, and a flame-throwing capability from either blade." InuYasha quivered a little and unloaded some sarcasm with "great. Now, he's going to barbecue me. I've been looking forward to that." Kagome barked "InuYasha." InuYasha replied "well, wouldn't _you_ be scared if your own brother was going to fry you to a crisp?" Kagome replied "if Sota could lift that thing. Besides how do you know he won't use that sword to kill Naraku?" InuYasha replied "I thought I was to be first, with Naraku merely next in line."

Totosai said "stop worrying yourself, youngster! Here, have some tea." InuYasha took the tea as Kagome was handed her tea cup. After taking a sip, InuYasha said "hey, this is great tea." Totosai said "I knew you'd like it. So, how are things between the two of you lately?" Kagome said "excellent." They dined on a few snacks and were enjoying themselves. Kagome then looked at InuYasha and said "I think I see something in your teeth." InuYasha felt around with his tongue and said "I don't feel anything." Kagome reached in and looked around with one hand, while signaling Totosai behind her back with the other. "I swear I saw something." "Kagome, I don't feel anything except your hand" InuYasha insisted. Kagome saw Totosai ready one set of pliers on one fang as she readied a set of her own on the other fang. "I think I…see it" Kagome said, "I think it's…right…about…HERE!" A simultaneous yank on both sets of pliers from Totosai and Kagome resulted in InuYasha screaming loudly in pain. The two fangs needed came free and were ready for forging.

InuYasha, however, was not too pleased; especially since he felt both fangs missing with his tongue. "Kagome, what the hell were you thinking?" he growled, "and Totosai, I'm going to kill you!" Totosai said "I'll have those blades ready for you soon." Kagome replied "okay, I'll see you then." InuYasha said "BLADES? KAGOME, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU NEEDED BLADES?" They were heading to the car as Kagome replied "I didn't know…if you'd be okay with me having…my own set of blades." InuYasha asked "okay, since I gave you two of my fangs for your blades, what do I get in return?" They got in the car and Kagome replied "two tits for two teeth." InuYasha turned a little red as Kagome started the car and headed back for Kaede's village. InuYasha asked "so, where's our little fun going to take place?" Kagome replied "right at the lake we started our journey together from."

* * *

Upon arriving at the lake, Kagome parked alongside. InuYasha said "I guess I'll wait for you in the back." Kagome replied "are you kidding? I'm not going to take _that_ long." She promptly removed her top, revealing two size-EE breasts. InuYasha's eyes came completely out. "Holy crap, they're…they're huge!" he muttered. Kagome replied "all for you, Sex-uYasha." InuYasha said "damn, Kagome, I didn't realize how great you look when you're topless." Kagome then removed InuYasha's shirt, grabbed one of his hands, and placed the hand on her tits. InuYasha was somewhat shocked at this. "Kagome, I'd have thought that had I done this, you'd have made me sit in a heartbeat." Kagome removed the necklace and replied "that's only if I didn't give you permission. Now, you have that permission."

Outside, Miroku and Sango were walking along. "How long is Kagome going to be with InuYasha on this trip of theirs?" she asked. Miroku replied "I'm not sure. Whenever they get back, I guess. Although, I must admit she is taking her sweet time." They then went by the lake and saw the car parked next to it. Sango said "look, it's the car." Miroku looked and said "I think she ought to have someone check the effectiveness of those defrosters." Sure enough, every window appeared fogged over. Sango replied "we'll have to let Kagome know as soon as she--." Just then, they saw one of Kagome's bare feet slam into the glass and move upwards, clearing a slight section of the window in the process. Miroku said "oh, my god, no." Sango said "yeah, it's happened." Inside, Kagome said "oh, you bad boy, come here." As InuYasha fiddled a little more with Kagome's breasts, she let out a passionate moan that was heard from outside. Sango said "oh, my god, they're actually having sex!" Miroku said "we'd better get out of here before we're seen!" Sango replied "right. Let's go." They made a mad dash for Kaede's hut. Inside the car, Kagome and InuYasha were both French-kissing as InuYasha kept fondling. Kagome said "oh, InuYasha, you're the best thing that's happened to me. I'm so horny." Kagome got some water and was about to take a sip when she spilled it all over InuYasha. "Jeez, that's cold" he said. Kagome replied "I'm sorry, InuYa--." She then noticed the water made InuYasha's pants cling to him like saran wrap. Indeed, she saw an outline of a certain hardened friend of his with the clinging. "Oh, my, InuYasha. Looks like you're horny as well. You've got a nice shaft down there." She then couldn't believe what she just said.

* * *

At Kaede's hut, meanwhile, Miroku and Sango arrived. Sango said "I thought InuYasha and Kagome told us that they'd wait until they were married before doing that." Miroku replied "I thought so, too. I guess temptation must've gotten to them, and they could no longer resist." Shippo asked "what's going on between InuYasha and Kagome?" Miroku and Sango jerked around, not expecting Shippo to have been there. "Shippo" Sango said. Miroku asked "how long have you been there?" Shippo replied "long enough to hear that they're doing something that the promised to wait for." Sango thought "thank goodness he doesn't know what we're talking about." Shippo asked "is it something to do with this 'ooh-la-la' saying?" Miroku replied "not even close, Shippo." He then thought "oh man, he really _is_ close."

At the car, Kagome and InuYasha finished their little fun. "Let's head back to Kaede's" InuYasha suggested. Kagome replied "right. We'll plan on a little more fun. However, Miroku is not to hear about how big my tits are." InuYasha replied "I won't say a word to that pervert." After arriving at Kaede's, Miroku and Sango looked as though they were waiting. Kagome asked "uh, what's going on?" Sango replied "I thought you told us you'd wait to do that." InuYasha asked "do…what?" Miroku replied "you _know_ what we're talking about: you and Kagome in the car next to the lake. That wasn't a cleaning solvent we saw being wiped off that window!" Kagome asked "cleaning solvent?" Sango barked "you and InuYasha were getting laid in there." Shippo asked "getting WHAT?" Miroku said "none of your business. Get into the hut." Shippo did so as InuYasha barked "we weren't getting laid!" Sango said "oh, come on. I _saw_ it: the steamed glass, the moaning, the nudity!" Kagome said "nudity? We weren't nude. All I did was get topless for--." Miroku said "you lucky son-of-a-great-dog-demon!" InuYasha said "oh crap, he knows." Kagome said "I…shouldn't have said that." Miroku asked "so, InuYasha, how big _were_ they?" Kagome whipped out the necklace and said "sit, monk." Miroku plowed down and Sango replied "you kind of deserve that, Miroku." InuYasha said "I'll _never_ tell you. Not even if you poison me and withhold the antidote." Kagome, hearing that, said "InuYasha, you don't have to say _that_! You don't have to have it cost you your life." Shippo then came out with "hey, Kaede got some great news." Miroku, after spitting out a few pieces of dirt, asked "what's the great news?" Shippo replied "she got word of some shrine maiden who has a jewel shard." Kagome said "I thought I was picking something up." InuYasha said "well, let's go after it." With that, they piled into the car and were on their way.


	34. InuYasha’s Female Double, InuYésha

Kagome and the others were heading out from Kaede's village. InuYasha asked "how far is this shard, Kagome?" Shippo held up his thumb and index finger, saying "this far." Kagome chided "Shippo." "Sorry, Kagome, couldn't resist" Shippo said. Kagome turned to InuYasha and replied "it's going to be a long way." Soon after, Kagome stopped the car at the entrance of a shrine. Kagome said "the shard is inside. The car won't be able to maneuver in there, however." With that, she stopped the engine and everyone got out. InuYasha said "we check the grounds first and then go into the structures."

At a garden in the shrine, a female half demon was tending to some tomato plants. This half demon, named InuYésha, looked exactly like InuYasha clothes and all. An exception was that her kimono, at its normal height, revealed most of her cleavage. She sighed and said "hopefully, these tomatoes will turn out as nicely as this jewel shard." She packed up her tools in a shed and headed on her way.

InuYasha, meanwhile, was trailing the others in front of a hedgerow. "How about we split up and look around the premises?" he asked. Kagome said "not on this large of shrine. I don't want any of us getting lost." InuYasha said "how could we get lost on this little heap of junk?" He then turned around and saw the enormity of the shrine behind him: large enough to fit eighteen modern-day basketball courts. He turned white as a sheet and said "oh my, this shrine _is_ huge." Kagome said "told you so." As they were passing a gap in the hedges, InuYasha said "don't push it, Kagome." He glanced over and saw what appeared to be a mirror image of him. "What the..?" he thought. As InuYasha had glanced over, InuYésha did the same and saw InuYasha. "What in the world?" she thought. They both ducked behind the end of the gap. Kagome turned and asked "what is it, InuYasha?" InuYasha said "I think I saw something unusual just now." As InuYasha was answering Kagome, InuYésha pulled her kimono up to conceal her cleavage. This had the effect of looking exactly like InuYasha's kimono.

She and InuYasha then got back out into the gap and were matching one another's movements like a mirror reflection. Kagome notices this and thought "wow, that looks like a mirror except I don't think it really is one." Sure enough, InuYasha turned around to think about what he was seeing. InuYésha, on the other hand, did not turn. She instead was looking InuYasha over. Kagome thought "that's definitely not the original InuYasha." InuYasha turned to face InuYésha again. The mirror game continued for a while. InuYasha glanced away and muttered "this doesn't make any sense." Kagome thought "this is getting out of hand. I wonder what would happen if I issued a sit command." As InuYasha turned back to InuYésha, Kagome said "InuYasha, sit!" InuYasha plowed into the ground and InuYésha said "I _knew_ you couldn't be me." Her kimono slipped back to its normal level. Kagome said "you're definitely not the InuYasha I know." InuYésha replied "my name is not InuYasha." InuYasha got up and said "that would be _me_, miss." Shippo asked "then what _is_ your name?" InuYésha replied "my name is InuYésha." Everyone else reacted with curiosity. Shippo said "that's very close to InuYasha's name." InuYasha said "I'll say." Sango thought "my goodness, a female InuYasha." Miroku, who had been gawking, thought "wow, what are the odds?"

* * *

InuYésha asked "who would you guys be?" Kagome replied "I'm Kagome. This is Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and InuYasha." They each nodded in turn as Kagome pointed them out. InuYésha said "nice to meet you." Her eyes fell on InuYasha and she suddenly looked away and blushed heavily. Although InuYasha didn't see this, Kagome and Sango did. Sango looked at InuYésha and asked "are you okay, InuYésha?" The female half-demon quickly answered "yes, I'm fine." Kagome asked "InuYésha, do you have a crush on InuYasha?" InuYasha asked "someone has a crush on me?" Kagome said "well, InuYasha, what you just heard was--." InuYésha darted over and said "yes, InuYasha, it's true. You heard me right: I have a crush on you." As InuYésha took InuYasha's hand in her own, Kagome's eyebrow started twitching. InuYasha, bewildered tremendously, asked "what are you doing?" InuYésha replied "umm well, I couldn't resist. Besides I kind of wanted to ask you something." InuYasha skeptically said "okay." Miroku thought "I think I know what she is going to ask him." Kagome said "what do you want to ask him, InuYésha?" InuYésha, with Kagome's question having gone in one ear and out the other, said "InuYasha, I want you to have me bear you a son."

Kagome, Sango, and Shippo are in shock. Miroku, on the other hand, said "My thoughts were right on the mark." InuYasha was stunned. Kagome thought "oh my goodness." She instantly butted in. "How do you know if InuYasha is ready to be a father, InuYésha?" InuYasha said "yeah, I was about to ask why I would want to do that." "Sit, boy" Kagome casually said. InuYasha plowed down and InuYésha replied "how do _you_ know he isn't?" InuYasha got up from the ground and said "What was that for Kagome? I was on your side with--. WHAT?" InuYésha said "come on, it's all over your face." Kagome barked "I doubt that! InuYasha doesn't want kids. Not until eons later!" InuYasha, getting freaked, asked "ladies, could we?" Kagome said "sure, InuYasha."

Miroku went over to InuYésha and started rubbing away. "Since he's not eligible, perhaps I could make a good father" he said. InuYésha screamed, slapped Miroku, and said "you perverted dog." InuYasha said "hey, InuYésha, try hitting lower down on him." Miroku said "wait, miss." Unfortunately, Miroku got kicked right between his legs and keeled over groaning. He then squeaked "at least I was being honest." InuYésha said "true but still." Shippo said "way to go Miroku. I bet you can't do that _again_." Miroku said "oh, shut it, Shippo."

InuYésha asked "so, what are you doing around here?" Kagome replied "well, we're looking for the jewel shards." InuYésha held up her shard and asked "you mean like this one?" Kagome said "that's the one." Shippo asked "where'd you get that one from, Miss InuYésha?" InuYésha replied "a demon had been attacking this shrine. I had killed it and found the shard inside of it afterwards." Sango asked "you killed a demon without weapons? How?" InuYésha tossed up a tomato and said "it was an attack like this." She leapt up to the tomato and yelled "Iron-Reaver Soul-Stealer!" The tomato was instantly turned into slices. InuYasha and the others were stunned by InuYésha's attack. Kagome asked "what kind of demon was that?" InuYésha replied "this demon was a pint-sized green dragon. The flames it was breathing were beyond comprehension, so I jumped up and slew it." As InuYésha was saying that, her hand was rubbing InuYasha's butt in a Miroku-ish manner. InuYasha was quivering. Kagome saw this and said "hey, you want to _not_ do that to my man?" InuYésha said "you've got to be kidding me. You're not even a half-demon." Miroku asked "Kagome, why do _I_ get slapped when I do that, yet she doesn't?" Kagome barked "well, you're a pervert, and guys can't hit girls." InuYésha asked "even so, how could he be your man since you're not even half-demon?" InuYasha said "maybe she's not, but I'm still in love with her." InuYésha asked "how could you be in love with her and not with someone like me?"

After another Miroku-style rub from InuYésha, Sango said "maybe because of your antics. You're starting to act like that monk." InuYésha replied "this isn't your fight, so butt out." With that, she swept InuYasha into her arms and gave him a _very_ massive kiss. Kagome was getting ticked. "Get your mitts off of him!" she yelled. As the kiss was appearing to be lengthy (much to InuYasha's chagrin), Kagome darted over and tried to separate the two. Sango asked "should we help Kagome out?" Miroku replied "let's not intervene." They turned to look just in time to notice InuYésha adding some tongue to the kiss. Sango gawked in shock and thought "oh, my goodness, no way." Miroku was so shocked that he passed out. Shippo saw the monk go down and asked "what the heck happened to him?" Kagome, meanwhile, was struggling to pull InuYasha free. "Let go, InuYésha" she growled, "I could use a little help, Mirok--!" She noticed the monk had fainted. "What happened?" Kagome asked. "He passed out from shock" Sango replied, "I guess he was overwhelmed when he saw her adding some tongue." Kagome, stunned by Sango's reply, asked "tongue?"

* * *

Finally, the kiss had ended. InuYasha was trying in vain to get out of InuYésha's arms. InuYésha asked "what did you think of that, my love?" InuYasha replied "Kagome's kiss is a lot better. Also, let go of me." InuYésha let go, and InuYasha dropped to his knees. He was about to start begging to Kagome for forgiveness, when Kagome said "I know you didn't want that, InuYasha." Miroku finally came around and said "what happened now?" Kagome replied "I made InuYésha let go of him." InuYasha said "maybe you could join us and help us search for the shards." Kagome yelped "WHAT? SIT!" InuYasha plowed down onto poor Shippo and asked "what'd you do _that_ for, Kagome?" "You pervert" Kagome replied. Sango replied "I have to agree with InuYasha on this one, Kagome." Kagome looked oddly at Sango and asked "are you serious. You want to have--?" "Exactly!" Sango barked. InuYasha asked "could I say something here?" Kagome and Sango barked "no!" InuYasha barked back "WELL I'M GOING TO ANYWAYS! We need all the help we can get, so let InuYésha join. I think she'll be tame enough now." "Thanks, InuYasha" InuYésha replied. InuYasha then felt something under him. Shippo shouted "WILL YOU GET OFF OF ME, YOU RABID DOG?" He kicked and InuYasha yelped and squeaked out "not there, Shippo." Kagome said "sorry, Shippo." InuYasha got up and said "just think about it, Kagome." Miroku then interjected with "all those in favor of having InuYésha join, raise your hands." Everyone except Kagome raised their hands. Miroku asked "what is your reason to not have her join, Kagome?" InuYasha elbowed Kagome in the ribs. She then raised her hand. InuYésha said "I have it under control now, Kagome." Miroku said "the majority has spoken. InuYésha, welcome to our group."

InuYésha beamed at them all as InuYasha and the others shook hands. Kagome, after shaking hands with InuYésha, asked "how did you get this shrine?" Shippo had started nibbling on a tomato slice (created from the attack demo) when InuYésha answered "Well the shrine belonged to my father. He was a very rich prince. He passed on when I was a child, and left it to me in his will." After a bit of silence, a loud stomach gurgle ended it. InuYasha said "sorry." Kagome said "I think we'd better make dinner." InuYésha said "I'll even let you guys stay the night before we head out tomorrow." Miroku, doing his usual antics, said "that's very kind of you, InuYé--." A slap later and InuYasha yelled "OW! Do _I_ look like a monk?" InuYésha apologized and slapped the correct recipient. Sango asked "you wouldn't happen to have a spring here, would you?" InuYésha replied "I _do_ have one. We'll bathe after dinner."

* * *

Later that evening, InuYasha and his entourage had just finished eating. InuYésha said "okay, dinner is finished. Now, who's ready for a hot bath?" Kagome, Sango and Shippo jumped up saying "we are." As they headed to the spring, InuYésha asked "coming, InuYasha?" Kagome said "we bathe separately." "Why do you think I'm inviting him _this_ time?" InuYésha asked. Kagome said "uhh…just the women and young ones" and tugged slightly on InuYésha's ear. They went to the spring. InuYasha looked on and said "I know Kagome's lack of an invite overrides any newcomer's invitation." Miroku replied "you're right, InuYasha."

As Kagome, Shippo, InuYésha, and Sango were relaxing in the water, Sango said "so, since your father was human, your mother must've been demon." InuYésha replied "correct." Kagome asked "so, what happened to your mother, then?" Shippo began idly singing "John Jacob-Jingleheimer-Schmitt; his name…" InuYésha, as Shippo kept singing, replied "well, my mother was not spared. She died after trying to protect me and my father when I was a newborn." "…Whenever we go out, the people always shout…" Shippo continued. Sango said "how sad." Kagome said "hang on; it's a lot like what InuYasha went through." Sango said "it's _exactly_ what he went through, except…it was his father protecting him and his human mother." InuYésha said "amazing. We have a little more in common than I thought."

Later, Kagome, Sango and Shippo had finished bathing. "Aren't you coming, InuYésha?" Kagome asked. InuYésha replied "I'm going to stay in a little bit longer." Kagome replied "okay" and went off with Sango and Shippo. Upon reaching where Miroku and InuYasha were waiting, Miroku asked "where's InuYésha?" Kagome said "she's still bathing." InuYasha said "maybe I'd better get some more firewood from the shed over there." Kagome said "okay, and maybe we could have some fun when you get back." InuYasha went towards the shed only to get grabbed and pulled through the foliage by someone. Kagome saw him get snatched and heard some splashing on the other side of the foliage. She investigated and found that InuYésha had snagged him and pulled him into the spring. "At last, we are alone, InuYasha" InuYésha swooned. Kagome saw that InuYésha hadn't appeared to have even bothered to get dressed and was still butt naked. InuYasha had his eyes closed and said "InuYésha, what's the big idea?" The female half-demon replied "well, I thought you would like the view." InuYasha replied "I'm not sure if this is a good idea." InuYésha then held him close and started shifting. "Oh, do me, InuYasha" she yelled. Kagome, witnessing all this, thought "I must not rush out there, despite her tempting me." InuYasha said "look, I don't think I'm ready for this yet." InuYésha said "okay" and let him go. She then swooned "maybe some other time we can get laid." Kagome's eyes bugged out at the thought. "Like hell, you'll do that" she thought, "especially since it's with _my_ man."

InuYasha managed to get through the foliage and saw Kagome. "Kagome, it wasn't my fault" he pleaded. Kagome said "I knew it wasn't; it was InuYésha. I'll take care of her later, you just get that firewood. We'll have fun when you return." Kagome got back to the campfire and saw Miroku and Sango making out without Shippo knowing. Kagome cleared her throat, causing Miroku and Sango to jump up. "So, was I interrupting something?" Kagome asked. Sango blushed and said "uh, probably." Miroku said "you look pale, Kagome, are you okay?" Kagome quickly said "yeah, I'm fine." InuYasha came back with the firewood at that moment. InuYésha also returned. "Hi guys" she casually said. Kagome turned and said "InuYésha, I need to talk to you NOW." She grabbed InuYésha's ear and was pulling hard. InuYasha thought "I guess I'll wait until she's finished." InuYésha was protesting as she was being drug off by Kagome. InuYasha looked on and said "ooh, Kagome's going to have _her_ rear."

Further into the woods, Kagome kept pulling InuYésha by her ear. InuYésha was saying "ow, ow, ow, oww. Kagome! Let go of my ear! OW!" Kagome released her and said "what were you just doing in the spring?" InuYésha replied "I told you, I was washing my hair." Kagome asked "with InuYasha in there with you?" InuYésha said "uh, crap." Kagome said "listen, InuYésha, InuYasha is _my_ boyfriend. He doesn't want a relationship with another woman; I'm the only one he wants." InuYésha said "okay, I'm sorry." Kagome said "sorry doesn't cut it, InuYésha. So, I'm going to lay down a few rules. You can stay with us. However, you need to control yourself around InuYasha. Do we have a deal?" InuYésha shook Kagome's hand and said "deal."


End file.
